Goading

[Platterpuss]

NC for this as I feel so crappy.

Everyone who knows me says I’m ultra caring, kind and fun to be around. I’d say that I’m proud of this. I do feel a bubbly person.
Flip side, there’s been a lot of comments in terms of DH’s moods and fiery nature. He doesn’t hide it.

Back story: I’m a sahm to my ill daughter. She’s been in and out of hospital with a long term condition. It’s been tough but I’ve not let it get to me, and remained positive.
I pamper dh. I don’t know why and I know it’s to my detriment but I guess it’s easier to.
I get up every morning (sometimes 5:30am) and make his breakfast and packed lunch for him while he stands and watches me. (He doesn’t like his sandwiches done the night before!)
In the evening when he gets home from work, I ask nothing from him. I cook and clear up. He’s a bit of a princess tbh.

Anyway..he is fairly moody and if things don’t go his way, he flips!!
He got home from work last night in a fuming mood. It left me on egg shells but I still got him a beer and cooked and stayed up beat.
This morning while I was making his breakfast, he was snarling about life. Then said I hadn’t spoken to him properly yet (?!) and was obviously sulking! (I’m not a sulker). When I replied ‘but I’m busy and will be there shortly’, he snarled under his breath and then said I was being argumentative.
I said ‘you’ve just said I’m sulking, and now you’re saying I’m argumentative, I’m confused’
He continued to goad me saying that was me, either sulking or argumentative!! I didn’t reply. He carried on and on at me, while watching me make his sandwiches for lunch.
Then he gave his trump card...’time of the month is it?’

Is it just me..but this is a line that shouldn’t be used?! I find it really invasive and personal.

He’s deflecting all his moods onto me, then finding a reason for them being my fault!!

Last month I didn’t have PMT as I was in hospital with our daughter. That taught me a lot. Maybe I don’t actually get it?! Maybe it’s him making me think I have?!

I asked him twice calmly this morning to stop as it wasn’t worth it, but he continued goading me. The last comment was said, and I walked away.

Just feel so deflated ☹️

Wow, talk about taking you for granted. Having a go at you while you're making his lunch.

Please leave him ASAP.

Everyone who knows me says I’m ultra caring, kind and fun to be around. I’d say that I’m proud of this. I do feel a bubbly person.

So you're fun and jolly even married to this miserable twerp.
I think you need to have a deep think about your image - ultra caring?? does that mean there to be walked all over? kind? again pandering to others all the time? fun to be around? well not for DP.

I think you are maybe a bit in denial - is it because you don't want DD to be seen as a burden so you are 'fun' all the time?
Do you discuss the future and when you need help with DD with your DP or do you feel only you are 'kind' enough for this.

You have a lot on your plate - I would rather you were just who you are, sometimes angry at DP, sometimes worn out caring for DD.
Start answering back - stop being the nice guy, it might actuall improve your relationship in the long run.

I know what it's like to have a very sick child but so help me if my husband spoke to me like this I'd have divorced him pronto! You're being emotionally and verbally abused! Why are you ignoring those of us saying third and only focusing on the damn sexist pms comment? Your husband is a dick and truth be told HE is the one acting like he has PMS! Leave him!

"Saying this" sorry autocorrect failure

@Platterpuss

NC for this as I feel so crappy.

Everyone who knows me says I’m ultra caring, kind and fun to be around. I’d say that I’m proud of this. I do feel a bubbly person.
Flip side, there’s been a lot of comments in terms of DH’s moods and fiery nature. He doesn’t hide it.

Back story: I’m a sahm to my ill daughter. She’s been in and out of hospital with a long term condition. It’s been tough but I’ve not let it get to me, and remained positive.
I pamper dh. I don’t know why and I know it’s to my detriment but I guess it’s easier to.
I get up every morning (sometimes 5:30am) and make his breakfast and packed lunch for him while he stands and watches me. (He doesn’t like his sandwiches done the night before!)
In the evening when he gets home from work, I ask nothing from him. I cook and clear up. He’s a bit of a princess tbh.

Anyway..he is fairly moody and if things don’t go his way, he flips!!
He got home from work last night in a fuming mood. It left me on egg shells but I still got him a beer and cooked and stayed up beat.
This morning while I was making his breakfast, he was snarling about life. Then said I hadn’t spoken to him properly yet (?!) and was obviously sulking! (I’m not a sulker). When I replied ‘but I’m busy and will be there shortly’, he snarled under his breath and then said I was being argumentative.
I said ‘you’ve just said I’m sulking, and now you’re saying I’m argumentative, I’m confused’
He continued to goad me saying that was me, either sulking or argumentative!! I didn’t reply. He carried on and on at me, while watching me make his sandwiches for lunch.
Then he gave his trump card...’time of the month is it?’

Is it just me..but this is a line that shouldn’t be used?! I find it really invasive and personal.

He’s deflecting all his moods onto me, then finding a reason for them being my fault!!

Last month I didn’t have PMT as I was in hospital with our daughter. That taught me a lot. Maybe I don’t actually get it?! Maybe it’s him making me think I have?!

I asked him twice calmly this morning to stop as it wasn’t worth it, but he continued goading me. The last comment was said, and I walked away.

Just feel so deflated ☹️

Sounds like a prize cunt. He's abusive OP. He's a dominator, standing over you like your boss and watching you make his food. He gets off on the control and power he has over you. He thinks women are there to service him and wait on him hand and foot - and for some reason you are complying with this.

Don't 'stay strong' OP, a marriage shouldn't have to be a prison sentence. Get out. Run. Get away from this arsehole. He's fucking horrible.

@Platterpuss

Is the ‘time of the month’ comment a no-no? Or do a lot of men use it?

When my monthly time arrives my dp does an action with his hands as if the fog is clearing and says 'it's all become clear' but he's wrong. Yes I am a bit grumpier and short in the run up to that time but that's because I can't tolerate his bullshit as well and stand up for myself. The rest of the month I tolerate better

Anyway, I think your dp sounds very immature and you sound lovely. He shouldn't be letting you make his sandwiches, ffs he's capable and you've got more than enough on by the sound of it

Awful, op, like another poster said he is deflecting onto you there, picking a fight for whatever reason.

And ps you sound lovely, don't let him suck all of the joy and loveliness from you. Because he will.

I’m so dreading him coming home. I can’t get past the deflection this morning!

I guess I also don’t understand how someone can behave like this.

Really? It's pretty obvious to me.

He behaves like this to you because you're his servant. And you don't have to respect servants. You don't have to like servants. And you get irritated if they're not bowing and scraping appropriately.

OP, this sounds horrendous. But you need to stop being such a doormat and stop this pandering. Quit the martyr act. Focus on your daughter.

@Platterpuss

I’m so dreading him coming home. I can’t get past the deflection this morning!

Don't be surprised if he's in a good mood. You've been on tenterhooks all day worrying he's going to be in a mood - he won't want to prove you right.

Do you feel you could contact Women's Aid, just for an informal chat?

Op, you need to leave this toxic relationship. He’s not going to change and your life will become more and more miserable. Listen to your daughter- she can see what he is really like. Don’t put up with this horrible man. You sound like a lovely person.

Orgasmagorical - you were right. He’s come home as nice as pie to everyone. Not really spoken to me but overly nice to the DC. Came home 2 hours earlier than normal to watch football. Never ever comes home early for family stuff!! And now I look the miserable bitch he tells me I am, because I feel emotionally beaten today and drained.

Lots of men use it tbh. Just continue to ignore him. Or better yet the next time he asks you just say “no/yes.. is it your time or the month too? You’re certainly acting like it. Do you want some tea? That usually makes me feel better during my time dear”.

That should shut him up.

Is the ‘time of the month’ comment a no-no?

Are you for real OP?

The whole relationship dynamic is a no-no! 😕

There's a lot to unpick here OP and I think the problem is much greater than just the PMT comments. But it sounds like it's all a game to him really. I think he enjoys lording it over you and having control over you. Controlling how you behave.

Standing there waiting for mummy to pack up lunch like an 8 year old? And the tantrum attitude with it!!??

Unfuckable.

I cannot imagine OP has wanted to fuck him for a loooooong time now.

if I say something in the wrong tone, it can change his mood and therefore he mood of our entire family. So I do my best to keep things smooth

In seriousness that's abusive on his part. So you run around trying to pacify a man sized uberbrat is what you're telling us?

Really - does this seem like a good use of your life to you?

I cannot imagine OP has wanted to fuck him for a loooooong time now

I would like to hope not. I couldn't imagine anything worse than a hairy palmed knuckle dragger like that thing on me.

I'm just hoping it's not the OP who's partner never has full sex with but coerces her into give bjs when his cock smells like stale piss. She also runs around trying to pacify a very similar sounding uberbrat with a foul temper and wipes his arse for him.

If it is you OP please divorce him already!

No. That’s not me

Praise the lord that's something at least!

I do think you're wasting your life though treading on eggshells and wiping his arse.

He's vile OP.

He’s just been a total arsehole!! I said that he is being cruel.
He replied ‘you pooooor poooor thing, poor you, your life must be soooo tough!’ Then asked me what it’s like to be so angelic.

Wanker