The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Hear that ticking my lovelies?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.

I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.

So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.

Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)

How is DD1?

We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.

It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.

Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.

So I said

I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.

I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.

I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.

I. Am. Done.

The word of God but in the hand of man?

Well, I just found you, You had gone from my "watching", & "I'm on" lists, how does that happen? I had to do an advanced search, & go through old threads to get up to date....That's really strange, there were after all multiple threads...!

Re. watching other families on the beach, God it hurts, seeing other Dads playing with their kids in a pool, playing hide & seek... Clearly loving & Enjoying their kids... God it fucking Hurts, the regret, the "what if", & "if only".... Except, you can't go back, If you had known he was going to be miserable dogmatic abusive Bastard, you clearly would not have given him a second of your time.
But, you were strong & are now free to teach them how happy they can be..
All's well.

I was thinking that half of the other daddies are probably performance parenting to try and impress someone who isn’t their wife anyway… (cynical, me?)

Morning folks, how is everyone? Nice to have you back @Mix56

The sun is shining and the world is a good place to be. I've had a good run this morning, my house is clean and tidy, and work is going well. The girls are on tip top form and I'm looking forward to a weekend with them. I have much to be grateful for.

I have decided I need to now look forward not back. Enough with the regrets and the soul searching. It is what it is. I need to focus on the way I want to live my life going forward from this point and accept that things happened for a reason.

On a separate note, my mother is driving me INSANE about Christmas. Not actual Christmas, but the one we're having a few days later. No, no I don't fucking know what I want to do for each meal over the festive season. I don't care. I will think about it after half term. Possibly the week before. I know this is a control thing on her part, but I'm hosting this year (cunningly, have booked my parents into the local pub!) and have my DB and his family staying here. So, I'm in charge. I will give her a couple of jobs and then crack on doing it my way.

Still no word on whether Geller is going to accept the caveat I put on accepting his latest offer. He's got another week until the deadline is up and ding, ding! Court time! I'm wondering whether it's worth me asking him directly about it. I'm so bored of it all.

Don't engage with your mother.

Tell her I'm not thinking about that now.

Later on tell her she is a guest and not to concern herself about the food YOU will be providing in YOUR home.

You need to harden your heart to your mother and disengage.

Grey rocking her is a good idea.

You need to start treating your mum like Geller… “I could… But I don’t WANT to.”
“Stick to the schedule.”

I think you have a very clear view on life at the moment - strong boundaries with your mother, firm plans on dealing with Geller and you're taking the emotion out of things so you can enjoy the rest of your life. Brilliant stuff.

Tell your mother that you are the one hosting Christmas, and you will do it your way. She is welcome to attend, if she can accept that, and if she can't, then she can do the other thing. And your way is that you will decide what meals when you want to, and that all she needs to do, is smile, and say, 'thank you dear, that was lovely', because that is what decent grown ups who are fortunate enough to be asked somewhere for Christmas, and hosted, do.

@mbosnz

Tell your mother that you are the one hosting Christmas, and you will do it your way. She is welcome to attend, if she can accept that, and if she can't, then she can do the other thing. And your way is that you will decide what meals when you want to, and that all she needs to do, is smile, and say, 'thank you dear, that was lovely', because that is what decent grown ups who are fortunate enough to be asked somewhere for Christmas, and hosted, do.

Too bloody right.

I'm wondering whether it's worth me asking him directly about it. I'm so bored of it all.

Nah, don't. Anytime you contact him, even for something unimportant, it reinforces to him that he can still control you. Asking him about it isn't going to change his decision anyway. Just 'hope for the best, prepare for the worst'.

He will respond at the last minute, its the only last card he can play, to string you out.
You know he wont want to pay for extra court procedure
Ignore, buy yourself some flowers, hum along to "Desert island discs" in the kitchen & revel in your freedom

Go Polly I’ve had a week of youngest DS on the sofa with a stinking cold/temp, had to PCR him on Tuesday, thankfully negative but he’s still very poorly with the cold poor love

Ignore Geller, as others have said it’s all control, he’ll probably agree at the last possible moment.

As to your mother just tell her you have it all under control and you’re hosting to give her a break so she doesn’t need to worry about any of it and then repeat when she keeps on bugging you!

Delurking to say don’t ask. He’ll see it as you cracking and hand control back to him. Similar approach with your DM be useful. Don’t engage, limit number of calls the n switch phone off. If it is an emergency she can say so in a message. KOKO.

With your mother I think I would respond with "you'll get what you're given, feel free not to come if that's a problem" every time she mentions it.

Erm who is Geller???

I think it was always going to end up in court tbh!

I can’t help it. I’m going to have to share this, his latest missive.

He’ll be thriving on the ‘crisis’ and nothing would give him greater pleasure than not being able to do something because of a shortage. I’m reluctant to believe him though as he twitches if he has under half a tank of fuel - I’ve known him get up and go out before sunrise to get some because it’s bothering him - so I call bullshit.

So out of the blue he sent:

I only have 99 miles left. Just got home. No petrol at 4 garages I passed. I’ll try and fill on Monday, but if this persists we’ll have to change plans for all of next week. I also recognise I’ll have to queue. Huge queue in which admittedly I didn’t join. Only garage with fuel.

I haven’t replied. And like a teenager winding friends up, I put my phone onto flight mode to read it, so it’s marked as unread.

He really seems to thrive on engaging you in his drama doesn't he?

I think you did the right thing by not replying. I would completely ignore him, until such time as he is actually proposing a change in plans. Because right now he's not even doing that, is he? He's just deliberately sucking you into his thought processes like some kind of emotional vampire.

Nope you won't have to change contact schedule he'll need to problem solve like book a taxi... or homeschool for the day.

Ensure you have plans such as being away!!!

Oh the fun you can have by. It reading it... he will be up and the crack of dawn queuing for hours once you state you can't swap!!

What a gobshite.

I feel such empathy for his unwitting next victim.
🙄

TBH every time I swanky Range Rover I cringe, be glad you don't drive one anymore!

And like a teenager winding friends up, I put my phone onto flight mode to read it, so it’s marked as unread.

You can do that? I didn’t know you could do that! I admire your tech savvy, Polly!

And also your non-response.

Would be so tempted to write back “Bet you wish you’d bought a Tesla instead, Knobjockey.”

@DifficultBloodyWoman

And like a teenager winding friends up, I put my phone onto flight mode to read it, so it’s marked as unread.

You can do that? I didn’t know you could do that! I admire your tech savvy, Polly!

And also your non-response.

Did NOT know that trick either!!

Absolutely HOWLING @Justilou1 - there’s gold if ever there was some!! Genius

Completely agree re his next victim. Actually. I pity him. Imagine having your horizons so small.

Yep. I have learned some sneaky stuff! Now it’ll just show on grey ticks. Ha. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mayor Smallmind of Smalltown.

(Good job I’ve now finished the wine, eh?!)