The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Hear that ticking my lovelies?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.

I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.

So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.

Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)

How is DD1?

We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.

It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.

Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.

So I said

I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.

I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.

I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.

I. Am. Done.

I'm assuming that any 'deal' you're contemplating is being run by your SHL first, no? Because you need someone besides yourself with a detached view to review it and give their opinion.

I think there's a fine line between 'getting what you want/deserve' and 'accepting a lesser, but still acceptable, deal to just get it over with because you need peace NOW'. You have to be sure you aren't going to kick yourself in the bum down the road for letting frustration with Geller or 'guilt' brought on by these 'friends' influence you unduly.

My cousin could have been screwed out of her home because her Ex was causing her such mental pain and confusion. Her attorney told her it wasn't a 'fair deal' but she just wanted it done and ultimately her attorney's job was to advise her but do what she says. Luckily her mum prevailed upon her to wait 'just a few weeks' to think about it. She did, she refused his offer, and she ended up with the house in a deal that was fair to both her and her shithead ex.

No one here is doubting your ability to make a good decision. It's just that you have just been treated appallingly by these 'friends' and you are vulnerable. Anyone would be.

HE HAD BEEN NETWORKING
Dont fold
You are stronger than this.
Go Atilla.
Fuck him , & Fuck his intrigue

Morning all

I’m ok, I’m here, I’m doing alright. Thank you for the messages and concern. Just needed a bit of time. I’m better for having had a weekend of not being online so much, stepping away from WhatsApp etc.

Absolutely the deal is being run past SHL. I’m still of the same mind, to accept, but am going to put a condition on accepting. If he meets that, I’ll sign. I just want to move on. And there’s a couple of irons in the fire that if they come off, I don’t want him having any claim on.

Not heard from my friend. They’re on holiday. Not discussed it with mutual friends, and a bit of time and space has helped. I am absolutely intending to address this, when the time is right for me.

Had a good counselling session last week and yesterday, they’ve helped.

Random question- has anyone flown recently? Is Heathrow taking longer than normal to get through? I’m off to Europe at the start of September, to see a friend! Five days. Hurrah!! Just trying to figure out whether leaving the standard two hours to get through Heathrow will be enough. Honestly, fighting my way through the bureaucracy and Covidness of it all was harder than getting my degree.

Summer holiday frolics continue. The Dollies are having a sleepover with friends and they’re all in the sitting room so I’m marooned upstairs with a cuppa. Tomorrow I’m taking them (and me!) paddle boarding for the first time!

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

I think you've done well to step away from the drama and take a bit of time out. Your measured approach to things in general is an example to anyone going through it with a difficult ex.

Enjoy the paddleboarding, it's so much fun!

Re flying, I think Heathrow either has developed or is developing separate areas for vaxxed and unvaxxed people, so if you're vaxxed things should be a little easier. But I haven't flown since last year, so I can't be sure.

Gatwick was fine for getting the flight but a bloody nightmare to reenter the country. Extremely long queues

Heathrow is a bit hit and miss. It depends on the day/time. I'd always recommend paper copies of everything as the person in front of us had their phone crash and they couldn't access anything

So glad that you've had a bit of time to reflect and time off :-)

There is an app called Verifly where you can upload everything to, certainly speeded up the getting through Heathrow for my husband. Would also take paper copies of everything. Two hours should be fine.

I recently tried paddle boarding for the first time and absolutely loved it! Enjoy x

We’re down in west Wales at the moment, really want to try paddle boarding but the DC are too little still, maybe next year!

No idea re flying, haven’t flown anywhere in about a decade but I hope it’s smooth

Morning @StuckInPollyannaMode !
I hope you are ok xx

How was the bank holiday weekend?

Hope you are OK Polly, and that you and the Dollies have had a lovely bank hol x

Just joined MN but have followed you and have been cheering you on for a while - wanted to say 'hi' and say that I think you are such an inspirational woman - you have a lot of dignity and you should be very proud of the way you have handled yourself over the past year. Keep being you and walking tall - you have a lot of respect from me

Happy September @StuckInPollyannaMode hope the shoe shopping was ok for the girls and any ideas Geller has are being discussed with your SHL

Hoping all is ok with you ?

Hoping you and the Dollies are ok Polly

Hello my darlings, and happy September to you all!

I’ve had a couple of weeks of calming down and resetting and boy, do I feel better for it. I’m just back from seeing my friend (Heathrow and flying was absolutely fine) and we had a blast. Flung ourselves up alps, down river gorges, across lakes and into restaurants 🤣 she spoilt me rotten and I feel like the old me again for some big hikes, big skies, proper sleep and a change of scene.

Updates for you all - today is 3 months since I had a fag! Feels like a bit of a milestone.

The Dollies are absolutely ticketty boo and back to school today. They (and I) loved paddle boarding. DD1 has now been discharged by both the bowel and bladder team as well as her eye consultant, all of which is excellent news.

Geller continues to use 48282 emotionally charged words where under 10 would do. SHL is comfortable with the deal, and we have gone back and said we will accept it subject to two things. Whether he accepts that or not, we will see, but I am cautiously optimistic. I just want it done now, I’m utterly fed up with it all, I want to be able to wear my new ring and buy a house 😁

He is still being an utter prat about Christmas. He’s come back with an email with a schedule swopping the Dollies between us every couple of days. Strangely, this now gives him both Christmas AND new year, and leaves me covering all the working days over the holidays. Whole world of nope on that one!! Need to reply to him, but I have other things to do first, like order some wood for the fires and top up the oil tank, plus clean the bathroom and do my laundry.

How is everyone doing? I think of you all often and can’t believe how far I’ve come in a year.

I’m off to Cornwall in a couple of weeks - solo - yoga, reading, beach walks and exploring await me. Heading right down to the bottom, beyond Truro to a tiny village called Saint Buryan - any hints, tips or ideas of what to do much appreciated (or, indeed, any locals who want to meet up for a coffee 😄)

How about suggesting you simply flip the xmas rota, so he does the days marked for you and vice versa?

That would give you both xmas and new year, and leave him with all the working days over the holidays.... Surely if it's a reasonable rota, he won't mind doing your half instead? ;)

Oh down there you've got the Minnack Theatre and St Michael's Mount both of which are lovely. Also Llanhydrock (NT) makes a great stopping point on the way down, if it's convenient (they used to do a killer cream tea). Glad to hear all is going well, the break abroad sounds like it was fab. Hope the Dollies settle back into school ok, so nice getting signed off from specialists!

You sound great, it's so lovely to hear!

Well done Polly! I had a couple of weeks in Mullion when I needed a soul reset a few years ago, it’s amazing what sea air and beautiful views can do for you. Recommend paddle boarding in Coverack, crab sandwiches at Kynance Cove (especially if you ever read the Green Dragon books), most of the coastal path, and a visit to the Lizard!

St Buryan is cute, inland a tad, so off the beaten track. But beware the 2 roads in and out of it are very narrow, especially if you meet a tractor. It has a very good farm shop where they sell their own meat and they make lovely cakes, scones, pastries and their own excellent pre-cooked ready meals. They have a small coffee shop and tables outside. Not sure if they have reopened their tables inside with Covid.

In addition to the above recommendations, Mousehole and Newlyn are close by with several good fish restaurants. If you like gardens Trengwainton and Trewidden are lovely and both have tea shops. Tremenheere sculpture gardens are great and it has an excellent cafe/restaurant. If you’re interested in mining heritage Geevor and Botallack aren’t far and very scenic. Obviously lots of art galleries, especially in St Ives, Newlyn and Penzance. If you need any more specific advice just shout. I know the area pretty well. Enjoy it!

Glad you’re inching forwards to a settlement. What an idiot he’s being over Christmas, I’m glad you’ve got his measure over the dates/timings.

This is so nice to read. You come across so much more positive and self assured.
Proud of you.