The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Hear that ticking my lovelies?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.

I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.

So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.

Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)

How is DD1?

We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.

It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.

Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.

So I said

I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.

I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.

I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.

I. Am. Done.

Polly glad all is well.

Everything crossed you can finalise your agreement. As for Christmas... well sounds like he is running true to form. Would you expect any different

Enjoy Cornwall!

Aww, thanks for your update.

You sound so upbeat and refreshed.
Go you !

I'm so glad the financial shenanigans are coming to an end and that you've had a good break. As for his Christmas plans - hell, no.

Well done on the no smoking Polly. You've got through the worst part, it should be easy from now on.

Geller and Christmas, well not really a surprise is it? He is going to be a constant nightmare until you have a set in stone schedule. HE probably still will be a pain then, but at least you can just refer to the agreed schedule then.

I would just reply about Christmas.

"Your suggestions of me having every working day are ridiculous, let's just stick with the schedule as I have zero interest in email ping pong over it"

As far as his Xmas plans, I'd want to reply "Thanks for the laugh". But I'd probably manage to restrain myself and simply reply "You have suggested I have them every working day and that you have them only on non-working days and on BOTH holiday days. That doesn't work for me. I suggest we keep to the schedule 'as is' so there is minimal disruption to the girls". I wouldn't suggest anything unless it suits you, let him do all the work.

You are really going to have to get things spelled out legally. My BFF's (US) court order had things down to a gnat's ass because her Ex was such a wanker. He messed her around constantly just for the shits and giggles of it but luckily the judge was a 'stickler' who had no problem with a very, VERY detailed contact schedule.

Of course, he ended up not having their son 80% of his approved contact times anyway because it was too 'inconvenient' for him and she 'refused to be flexible' (ie do whatever he wanted despite her own plans and their DC activities).

Fantastic news re DD1

Hopefully Geller agrees to the two changes and the divorce will be finalised soon

You sound so much happier! I must admit I’d totally forgotten about the ring but I hope you can wear it with abandon soon!

Highly recommend St Michael's Mount and a wander around the village of Marazion (although sadly it seems to be mostly holiday/second homes). You can walk there from Penzance, along the coast path. (But I am contrariwise - I prefer Penzance to St Ives).

Christmas does seem to rile the little fuckers up, doesn't it. My ex has also recently had a tantrum over it, despite the fact that we agreed which days, months ago, and the exact handover point is the same as we agreed in mediation 3 years ago. I offered one alternative that suited, and saved him any driving, and he kicked off because it wasn't EXACTLY what he demanded. I resisted the urge to try to reason with him, channelled my inner-mumsnetter and said "No." Then ignored him till he calmed down. Stressful at the time. Satisfying afterwards.

Well done on the not smoking. How do you feel for it?

So impressed with you and DD. Him, not so much - just for being so fucking predictable. Also super happy you are having a great time!

Definitely go to Kynance Cove.

St Ives is lovely too.
Make sure you have a Pengenna pasty if you go there.
Olives is the best place for a cream tea

Just caught up with your update Polly, Congratulations on the no smoking milestone, what a fantastic achievement, even more so considering all the stress you have been under from several sources. Really, you should be very proud of yourself for managing to continue despite everything. 👏👏

Very good to hear the news about DD1, that must be quite a relief for you all.

I hope Gellar accepts the two conditions and that you can then move forward with your plans to buy a house for you and the dollies.

And fuck him, and his Christmas rota ☺️

His Christmas rota is really odd. How can he think that this would be acceptable? There is not even a pretence of fairness.

Could you suggest a 'you cut and I'll choose'? (We used to use it for dividing cake between siblings in a hungry household :) . The family's visual perception is second to none. )

He divides the time into two parts and you select the one you want... or you divide the time and he selects the one he wants.

@Wildheartsease

His Christmas rota is really odd. How can he think that this would be acceptable? There is not even a pretence of fairness.

Could you suggest a 'you cut and I'll choose'? (We used to use it for dividing cake between siblings in a hungry household :) . The family's visual perception is second to none. )

He divides the time into two parts and you select the one you want... or you divide the time and he selects the one he wants.

That's not a bad idea. But Geller would probably not agree to cut/choose. His attitude is first and foremost "What works for me". That's why his proposal is what it is.

I'd probably just keep refusing unfair proposals and tell him "Nope, that doesn't work for me, back to the drawing board for you!" and hope he gets sick of it and lets me make a truly fair proposal.

He reminds me so much of the snotty, entitled kids in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory….

TBH I would just tell him to forget and to stick to the rota...

It just shows that being flexible with him isn't an option.

Polly, if you stuck to your normal rota at Christmas, how would that play out in terms of the "key" days? Would it be possible?

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Just saying hello and hoping that you’re still feeling better and your dollies are continuing to be tickety boo 🤞

This update comes to you live and uninterrupted from the beach at St Mawes!

Yes, it’s finally time for my Cornwall break. Thank you for all your suggestions - duly noted. My goodness me, this place is beautiful. I stopped at Lanhydrock on the way down, and I’m meeting friends in Portscatho for supper.

From you I have been absent in the spring…well, late summer. many apologies. There’s been a lot of stuff going on with family, none of which is mine to share but has been adding an extra layer to the whole kaboodle.

I have not yet had a response to my response to the legal offer. He has until the end of the month. I’m considering running a book on whether he actually does, or it was an elaborate bluff to get me to be the one to launch court action, then he’ll be able to play the woe is me card.

He’s still being an utter DICK, by the way. I am not wasting headspace on him, he isn’t worthy of it. I am enforcing my boundaries and shutting him down and generally pushing him away.

Although, I have responded to his elaborate and everlasting Christmas epistle.

I sent back:

‘I could, but I don’t want to.

Stick to the schedule.’

He hasn’t replied. I was just so CROSS!

Right. Time for a pre dinner paddle.

Hope everyone else is tiptop and ticketty boo…??

By the way, I am considering changing my user name (I won’t til a new thread!) but I am no longer stuck in Pollyanna mode, I don’t have to see the good in everything, I’m loving my new life!

Suggestions welcome. I’ll still keep the Polly bit though!

Glad you're having a lovely time and weather to match! Throwing my suggestion in the ring for a new name
Polly ain't your Dolly

Glad you are having a great time and you politely told him to F off with Christmas debacle.

I'm not very imaginative...

Singing Polly Wolly Doodle all the way...

Sounds like an awesome break, I want a holiday by myself now I will walk on beaches and read books and eat food without having to feed 3 other people and it’ll be bliss!

All ok in Devon, have found my way back into the world of work up at the boys school, just a foot in the door mealtime assistant position but as youngest started school this year I thought I should probably start doing something! Really enjoying it although throw in walking up and down to school three times and a day and after school activities and I’m a averaging about 20000 steps a day and living on sugar so still wobbly and exhausted!

We have had one day back in the office and one team lunch and social time earlier in the week. Nearly killed me.

Post stroke and post Covid mental fatigue 😳

PollyannaWinstheGladGame ?