The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Hear that ticking my lovelies?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.

I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.

So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.

Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)

How is DD1?

We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.

It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.

Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.

So I said

I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.

I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.

I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.

I. Am. Done.

Absolutely agree 100% with everything @REignbow said!

Oh Polly, what an awful thing to have happened. I’ve never forgotten the people who turned on me when a relationship imploded quite spectacularly - both at the time and, in one case, years down the line when I told them the truth about just how awful it was behind closed doors. The betrayal is searing and it heaped hurt on hurt.

One thing I could suggest is leaving the door open, if you feel that it’s a friendship you might want to recover in the future. The truth often shakes out in the fullness of time and Geller having done a number on them now might well be seen through eventually, not least because people like Geller, when they find someone sympathetic, almost always overdo it in the end and show themselves up.

Their comments, as Reignbow has highlighted above, are pretty awful and it would be completely understandable if you now saw the relationship as “done”. But, and I say this from bitter experience, you don’t know what Geller has told them. Hold your head high, do your thing and make it clear to them how much they’ve hurt you (and why their comments were unfair, if you feel like it, much as you shouldn’t have to justify yourself). Then see where their reaction goes, which will tell you where the friendship is going in the future. My guess is they’ve been wound up by Geller and now realise they’ve massively fucked up.

In my case, I’d just ghost them. They know exactly what they’ve done. They have chosen their side and think that their decisions are justified. There is no point trying to change their minds as it will sound like you’re justifying yourself. You don’t need to do that. Hold your head high and move on. You’re a star, @StuckInPollyannaMode

Truthfully? I think your ‘friends’ have shown astonishingly poor judgment. Are they friends you made together as husband and wife? If they ‘came’ with Geller I can kind of understand they might have bought into his narrative. BUT by believing and peddling his lies, they have entirely discounted that you may be divorcing him for a very good reason!

True friends don’t take sides like this. They listen, support, make helpful comments and IF ASKED, might offer some advice. They don’t tell you to roll over and do everything your ex is expecting/ asking of you. Frankly, it beggars belief and I’d be massively disappointed in them.

They should be absolutely mortified, embarrassed and angry with themselves for being such shit friends.

I know they are on hols now but I would most definitely make it crystal clear to them on their return that their comments were unacceptable, that you are massively disappointed in them, and that perhaps they need to reflect on why Geller is now on his third divorce!

And it doesn’t matter what Geller has told them or what he claims is going on. They should have engaged brain rather than swallowing everything hook, line and sinker. Really, they are idiots!

How are you doing, @StuckInPollyannaMode?

Hopefully also you've got a peaceful weekend coming up? Deep breaths. 🌹

My heart has slightly broken for you Polly, you were doing so well & hearing this from friends can't have been easy.
Take time to absorb and you will realise it's not you, it's them in the wrong.
You're so strong!! You will get over this.

Hope you have had a good weekend and recovered.

It would have been good to have those friends simply refusing to believe Geller - because they know you (and him). They should have been able to do this. You do deserve that loyalty.

However- you know how plausible he can be.

Also- He looks sad and in need ... you look better and happier than before. They are kind people. (+They just have not thought why you look as if a crushing weight has lifted 😁)

I’m not doing too well to be honest with you folks. Rocky week. Variety of reasons.

I’ll be ok. I’m just so very, very tired and emotional.

Close to agreeing a deal with Fuckwit Geller. I think that’s what’s nearly tipped me over the edge. I said to a friend last night I don’t hate him, I hate what he made me into.

Taking a bit of time to focus on the Dollies and sort the house out and enjoy the holidays and try to be a bit more in the moment.

Sorry to read this @StuckInPollyannaMode,
I really hope that your "friends" horrible comments hasn't influenced your dealings, and deal, with Geller?

Take all the time you need to focus on yourself. MN is fantastic in many ways, but sometimes you need to step away for a bit

I hope the deal is one that is also in the best interest of you and your girls, but whatever it is, it will move you away from him and that's a good thing.

Take some time out for self care and healing.

Please don't act hastily and make a bad deal for yourself just because your friends have knocked your confidence.

You will only get one chance to get what you deserve. The Dollies are young. You're going to need to get what you are justified in having, not what you're prepared to accept just because you're not in a good place right now.

You're the one in control here, Polly. And, I think in the cold light of day after you've had time to process the difficult couple of weeks you've had (first you parents, then your so-called 'friends') you'll feel stronger again, and realise that you really do hold all the cards here.

Don't give up. But most of all, don't give in. Certainly not for a short-term 'easy life' with Geller. Because you have an awful lot more of life with the Dollies to go, and that's definitely not short-term.

Wishing you all the best. You're doing so, so well. Spend a few days recouping, and then regain that momentum. It will come back!

Sending you a huge HUG @StuckInPollyannaMode 🤗 plus one of these ☕️ plus this 🍷 plus 🧁!!

Please try and have a weekend gentle on your spirit. 🌹

Polly, if you're close to a deal because it's right for you, fair play. But please don't take a deal that is wrong for you because your 'friends' have made you feel bad.

Don't just accept the deal because Geller has ground you down with his prevarication and you want it over (especially in the aftermath of your "friends'" comments.

Only sign off on the deal if your SHL says it's the right one for you.

Polly, if you're close to a deal because it's right for you, fair play. But please don't take a deal that is wrong for you because your 'friends' have made you feel bad

^This (said better than I did, but with the same sentiment)

Sorry to hear that Polly, sending you a big hug! Enjoy the time with your Dollies and take care of yourself

Polly, don’t accept second-best for you and the girls just because you have a couple of crap friends. You need space and time to recover from their outrageous behaviour, and to get your equilibrium back. And the talk to your lawyer about suing his sorry arse to kingdom come!

That’s a great decision Polly. Regroup with the Dollies. As others have said, take a moment to make the right deal.
Also with your friends, spot on.

Oh Polly please don’t make any decisions right now, give yourself a week or so to regain your equilibrium and chat with your SHL

Big hugs Polly, hope you have a better weekend with the Dollies. Don't think the weather's going to be great so maybe popcorn and movie time...

I'm really sorry you have had such a horrible week Polly. I echo all the other comments about taking some time to decide on the deal being offered by old skinflint Gellar and running it past your lawyer before making a decision. Don't feel like you have to accept the offer if it isn't fair. Hope you and dollies have a lovely weekend hunkering down together.

Oh Polly, I’m sorry you feel so shit. Please use those nasty people as impetus to play hardball with Gellar as I suspect that he got to them deliberately. Fucker. Get your SHL involved now, please.

Echoing others in saying, don't rush into a decision without the advice of SHL.

Have a lovely weekend Polly with those lovely Dollies! Or as we call our little ones DollyPops!!

💖🌺💖