The One Where Geller Proves He Is As Useful As A Chocolate Teapot

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Hear that ticking my lovelies?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

That’s the sound of the bomb I have just thrown over the metaphorical trench edge at Geller. Here’s the previous thread if you need to catch up. As ever, thank you for the support and the cheering and the banter and for giving me fresh perspectives.

I am fucking DONE. Done with this. I need to stand up and fight for the girls. He is NEVER going to do what he needs to for them.

So I picked them up from school and they were quiet but ok. We’ve had pizza in our pjs and they’re asleep. I have had a barrage of questions about who I have seen this weekend and what I’ve been doing and why am I wearing new clothes and do I have new friends and am I working as much as I should be etc etc. Clearly fed by him, they’ve never done that before.

Then I get this (he hadn’t responded to my previous message at all)

How is DD1?

We can talk albeit I have very little time in the next few days. Strangely someone praised me this weekend for how well I dealt with one of her meltdowns. She really struggled with the homework. Together we bought various materials while DD2 was having her hair cut. But of course when she made it, it didn’t go well. However she and I did it together first thing Sunday before DD2 woke and she did it brilliantly.

It was DD1 that led our walk while DD2 was a pain and tried to stop us going, finally relenting after the first field.

Both of them played brilliantly with the boys over the other side of the fence. But it’s the usual challenge of when they are on their own in a small space. It’s simply a very intense thing single parenting. And I can’t break DD1 on sleeping alone and I’m not prepared for it to become tears and anger. As I say she ended up watching the football and was engrossed.

So I said

I also have very little time. So I’ll leave it to you to figure it out.

She is in bed, asleep, with clean hair. They have both been quiet and we have talked about zero tolerance for violence, shouting and arguing. and what that means and the importance of kind words and being gentle and how to act when you’re angry and that you need to be mindful of the words that come out of your mouth as they can upset people. I repeat, next week I will email to discuss the shape of the next school year as it sounds like the current arrangement isn't working for the girls if they are that short of sleep and upset at the start of the school week. The girls need you in their life but it needs to come at a lower emotional cost for them and for me.

I would like to make you aware the level of messaging is unwelcome, and that I am looking to address this and agree on appropriate levels of communication moving forward.

I await the nuclear explosion which will no doubt follow.

I. Am. Done.

Fuck them, they are not friends of yours any longer.
If you haven't left for the activity already, I'd just pack up and go home right now.
Otherwise, once the activity is over, go home.
And tell them why! (obviously, because they are judgemental, deluded, backstabbing twats, who have been totally fooled by Gellar)

@LannieDuck

I'm sorry Polly, that must have come out of nowhere.

They don't have half of the history, only what they've seen / been told (by Geller). They really shouldn't have tried to interfere without listening to your side too.

I wouldn't hide my hurt.

Absolutely. Gobsmacked 😶

What’s that natural law about things wanting to remain the same (homeostasis?). Divorces/separations/ruptures in couples can cause ripples in friend groups. You could be the mirror to parts they don’t want revealed in their own marriage. This could’ve them projecting outward to an extent.

Not your problem though!

Another who has been following silently... let them go, they have it wrong but they're not going to listen. They'll find out the truth one day.

It almost sounds like they planned an "intervention"

That's awful, Polly.

As others have said, I'd be distancing myself, and making it clear why. One day they'll know the truth, but for now they've fallen for his lying and deceit. He's very good at that, as you know.

I know full well that others see my STBEX as some kind of wonderful man. Thing is, they haven't had to live with him and I know what he's really like.

Your "friends" have only seen what he wants them to see, and have only heard what he wants them to hear. They feel sorry for him and his tales of woe - so it's kind of understandable (though unforgiveable).

Presumably they're where he's been getting his intel from, so at least now you know, there will be no more intel. (Unless of course you choose to feed them stuff you want him to hear!).

Sending you gentle hugs and and . He's proving himself to be the master of fuckwittery. Just when we think he can't get any worse, there he goes, excelling himself. Bastard!

I can't believe they told you that you should just accept how much money Gellar is offering. So they think that a women who leaves her spouse automatically has to just accept whatever the H deems is acceptable? And they think it's entirely ok that Gellar carries on living in the marital home and drives a brand new top of the range car while you have to rent and make do with an old car that needs replacing? And they don't think that your DC are worth any more than that? Fuck me.

Well now you know what they really think about you and about women who have the temerity to leave their husbands, no matter how badly the husbands behave. They sound like misogynists and not very bright ones. You need to drop this relationship now, it is dead in the water. They have shown where their allegiance lies and it is not with you. It was inevitable you would lose some friends, it always happen when a marriage breaks down, just accept this friendship is over and don't have anything to do with them at all. Block them and keep moving forward.

I guess we know what Geller’s been up to and why he’s been such a smug bastard then… I’m so sorry you’ve been blindsided by this @StuckInPollyannaMode. How utterly heartbreaking. The line in the sand has been drawn and they may or may not ever see that they were wrong (or ever admit it if they do) by then, you will have ridden happily off into the sunset and will not be looking into your rear view mirror. I wish I could come and get you and drink cocktails instead of leaving you to pretend to be cowed by these “Home Truths.” I think you need to thank these friends for their many years of friendship and for speaking so openly, so that you know exactly where you stand from now on and where your loyalty and energy will be placed in the future.

Just remember that whatever you say to them will get directly back to Geller. Also, JADE. Never Justify, Apologise, Defend, or Explain. I'd just say that they need to remember that there are 2 sides to every story.

Some couples seem to fear that divorce is contagious. A break in a friend's marriage often shines a light on the cracks in theirs.

One of the most hurtful comments was that I should do some of my own PR, so that Geller can see that I’m working hard and don’t expect him to keep me. That perhaps I should give up running my own company and go and get a corporate job in the nearest large regional town so he can see that I’m trying.

I run my own company which turns over six figures a year and keeps myself and my business partner fully occupied. We’ve kept going through the pandemic (despite Geller’s best efforts) and through a couple of big personal challenges for both of us. We’re on track for our growth targets in year four and I’m extremely proud of what we’ve achieved.

The irony is that I haven’t actually told this friend that much, not because I didn’t want to share it but because they’ve had challenges of their own so I didn’t want to bother them. I am now extremely glad that I haven’t told them more, particularly about the new contract I’m signing tomorrow with a new client.

I have taken and dropped off the kids, done a 5 mile run, had all of today’s meetings and done a yoga session. I saw mutual friends at drop off and resisted saying anything. I think my friend knows she upset me - she kept asking if I was ok this morning but I brushed it off. I will text to say thank you and leave it at that.

I don’t want to damn them completely, they have been super friends. I am, however, going to distance myself for a while.

I’m going to curl up on the sofa with a book for a bit. Nice supper planned with the kids later.

I don’t want to damn them completely, they have been super friends. I am, however, going to distance myself for a while

I think this is a very good idea. Chances are he'll show his true colours to them at some point.

Dear @StuckInPollyannaMode

What an awful experience your "friends" put you through - especially without ALL the facts in hand. I guess you know where you stand with them. Sadly an avenue for support closed to you now.

Just a thought: do they know you are on MN? I wouldn't put it past them to pass on details they glean from here... 🌹

You've done exactly the right thing. You don't need to justify your choices here - you're making the best of awful circumstances. It will all come out later and they'll be ashamed of how they've treated you.

Oh, so they are not bad people necessarily, but they are THOSE people, y'know, the ones who just look at money brought in and weight that too heavily in the equation in their narrative

• "you should put up with him because he gives you money"
• "your contribution is worth less because it is not money"
• "you had someone " supporting you, so what was your problem"

Etc etc. All without understanding that the party who has "brought in so much money" has achieved this by crapping all over the person who is apparently having an "easy ride". Either their relationship is so good in its fundamentals that your friend hasn't had need to conceive of reasons why you might not be happy being crapped on by Gellar, or it is so dysfunctional that she can't see it (my MIL, for example, has tried to tell me repeatedly why it might be a good thing and in everyone's best interests not to have a joint bank account with a breadwinner husband (irrelevant to me as I work anyway) - yeah, ok, you do you lovely lady!).

Well done you for acting with such dignity and deciding to step back a bit.

Even if they are genuinely coming from a good place. They really overstepped. It is completely inappropriate to get so involved. It is only normal for you to be upset by this. I hope they are regretting their comments now.

Definitely step away for now.

The irony that this is his 3rd divorce and you're not allowed to move one and even date 🙄

I think they are projecting their own issues as well as falling for his whining.

I’m sorry but what a pair of arseholes.

I definitely agree that this was a planned intervention and obviously Geller has dripped poison in their ears. It was probably why he was acting very smug, a few weeks ago.

I would distance myself, be polite but not be available for any meeting up.

Use this as a learning curve, that people will take sides so you will win some and lose some over the course of this divorce.

As an aside, if you decide to take this to court this will stop the ‘she said nonsense’, as the judge will make judgement upon the financials.

Also, these so called friends have chosen to forget that geller is driving around in a new car and has bought himself a new home, whereas you are renting and are driving a car that needs to be replaced!

I think you are being very generous there Polly, I would be raging if it were me and telling them that I was hurt, but I understand how awkward and difficult it all is.

It sounds like a bit of distance is for the best, you don’t need people like that around you at the moment, you need people you can really trust and true friends support you through thick and thin, not conspire with the ex and try and tell you how to live your life!

Oh Polly, I am so riled on your behalf! How dare they stage this intervention for you, and wanting you to play the PR game to show Gellar this that and the other.

I tell you what my love, you are already showing Gellar all he needs to know about you, you don’t need him, you won’t prop him up anymore, you’re looking out for your and the follies best interests with the finances and you’re well on the way to living your best life.

So he can stick that in his Xmas pipe and smoke it.

It’ll feel rubbish right now, but they’ve given you some good insight here. Stepping away and looking after yourself is an excellent plan xx

Dollies 😂😂

I would tell them some of it. It's all very well maintaining a dignified silence, but with Geller giving them his account that's the only version they're hearing.

You can be selective, and restrained in what you say. But I would give your honest, truthful side of some of what they've been told. If only to demonstrate that Geller isn't being completely honest and they can't trust everything he says.

Hey Polly

I’ve been quietly following for a while now.

I’m so sorry about your friends - it hurts, a lot. I had similar happen. Narcs live their smear campaigns. Nearly destroyed me, especially as it affected child living arrangements and blew my family apart. The only thing you can do is walk away fro those who will so willing believe his bullshit - he’s made them his flying monkeys, but you don’t have to let them into your circus (not sure if that’s the greatest metaphor but hopefully you’ll take it in the way it is intended)

You are doing SO well - do not let anything bring you down - you and the Dollies are worthy of so much better.

Hugs

And, as an aside, I did attempt to give my side: it only made things worse and all it did was convince those people I was everything my Gellar(s) said I was.

@

@StuckInPollyannaMode I am disgusted with your so called friends. People cannot be neutral and they do take sides even if they don't show it. Be careful who you trust now. There could be more of them.

I am so cross but think you handled it brilliantly. I think your response is perfect and I would grey rock them from now on.

Onwards and upwards you are an amazing woman who we here at MN know is putting your DC first. You can sleep at night. He's a TW@T

Thinking on this... I think all you need say to them is "I'm sorry you've been dragged into this and told a pack of lies". You don't need to justify anything or explain further. Then disengage.