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Original poster

DP told me a woman came onto him

118 replies

Sacriptiq · 27/06/2021 20:22

I've name changed for this.

dp went out with a few friends yesterday. Today, he told me that a one of his friends Friends came onto him and asked him back to hers, he said he said no. Apparently, she carried on flirting with him and when he was leaving he said she touched his him ‘there’. He told me that he ignored her and left anyway. He did come back early and he wasn't very drunk.

I'm a bit annoyed though, why didn't he leave when she asked him back? Or when she started flirting with him? Would you be annoyed?

OP posts:

Ingloriousbasterd · 27/06/2021 20:27

When she carried on flirting/asking him back after he said no, he should have embarrassed her by calling her put on her behaviour or left where ever he was. I wouldn't like it either, do you believe that he didn't do anything back?

TheMotherlode · 27/06/2021 20:30

I don’t think I’d be annoyed at him based on that information no. He batted her away and came home early, what more were you expecting him to do? She was the one behaving inappropriately by the sounds of it.

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/06/2021 20:31

He shouldn’t have to leave an evening out with his friends because a woman asked him to go back to hers. He said no and ignored her for the rest of the day evening. She then touched him inappropriately - not his fault. He came home and told you what happened. What’s to be annoyed about?

Imissmoominmama · 27/06/2021 20:31

Why should he have to leave his friends because someone else is being inappropriate?

He didn’t stay out late; didn’t get very drunk; told you about it - what are you annoyed about?

Aquamarine1029 · 27/06/2021 20:32

I'd be wondering why he told you. What point is he trying to make?

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 27/06/2021 20:37

I wouldn’t be annoyed at him; I’d be annoyed that someone touched him as that’s just not ok but can’t see that it’s his fault

CuntyChopps · 27/06/2021 20:37

I think you should be relieved he told you and is being transparent

If a man touch a woman 'there' there would be uproar. How dare she!

SilenceOfTheNaans · 27/06/2021 20:43

If this happened to me I would tell my husband. Why wouldn't I?

SilenceOfTheNaans · 27/06/2021 20:44

That was to Aquamarine1029

5128gap · 27/06/2021 20:45

@Aquamarine1029

I'd be wondering why he told you. What point is he trying to make?

Worried someone else will and OP will think its suspicious he didn't mention it I'd think. OP seems to have quite rigorous standards, thinking he should have come straight home when it happened, I think he may have rightly concluded he better tell her before she heard it elsewhere.

IntroducingMyLadyGarden · 27/06/2021 20:46

No I wouldn't be victim blaming my dh, he's in and awkward position being unexpectedly propositioned by a friend in a group situation, people in that situation don't necessarily leap up like a scalded cat and leave instantly. He rejected her advances and left when it was clear she wasn't going to back off and it was probably a really awkward unpleasant incident for him.

thedancingbear · 27/06/2021 20:47

So someone you love was sexually harassed and later sexually assaulted.

And you’re really cross at them for the way they’ve responded to that.

Is that right, OP? If not, which bit is wrong?

What a load of victim blaming shit

SarahBellam · 27/06/2021 20:49

Why on earth would he leave when he did nothing wrong? He did come back early and he did tell you. You should be pleased.

Arbadacarba · 27/06/2021 20:49

He's done nothing wrong here - he rebuffed her, and he's told you about it. You should be congratulating yourself on having a decent, honest husband.

DisgruntledPelican · 27/06/2021 20:51

@thedancingbear

So someone you love was sexually harassed and later sexually assaulted.

And you’re really cross at them for the way they’ve responded to that.

Is that right, OP? If not, which bit is wrong?

What a load of victim blaming shit

This. What else should he have done, OP?

PepsiMax91 · 27/06/2021 20:52

What would you have done?

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 27/06/2021 20:53

Why are you victim blaming? 🤔

If this was a woman you'd be saying they didn't know what to do and didn't want to cause a fuss so tried to carry on as normal. Which is what your husband did.

And if ' she touched him there' means she touched him on his crotch I'd consider that sexual assault. In exactly the same way as I would if your husband had grabbed a woman by her crotch.

Original poster

Sacriptiq · 27/06/2021 20:54

I'm not victim blaming.

I haven't told him I'm annoyed, and I'm more annoyed at her than I am at him. I'm just slightly annoyed at him staying when she was flirting with him etc.

OP posts:

PepsiMax91 · 27/06/2021 20:56

If I go to the supermarket or a birthday party and someone flirts with me, should I leave instantly?

If I go to a friends bbq at 12 and someone flirts with me should I cut the day short and go home ?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 27/06/2021 20:57

Because why should anyone have to change their plans due to someone elses shitty behaviour. I work in a male dominated industry and at industry events there was pretty much always some piseed up old sleaze acting like this. Why should I have to run away because they can't keep their hands to themselves?

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 27/06/2021 20:57

Well you are. Because you didnt think he gave the right response..... It's not uncommon for women in that situation to stay around people they arent comfortable with. Especially if theyre out in a group. Men aren't massively different in that regard.

Sally872 · 27/06/2021 20:58

I wouldn't expect dh to come home because someone flirted.

IntroducingMyLadyGarden · 27/06/2021 20:58

Definitely stop being annoyed with him, he did all he reasonably could without making scene and in that sort of situation you only really process afterwards whether reacting more overtly would have been appropriate.
Be annoyed with her obviously.
He needs your sympathy because now his friendship group is spoiled since he now can't be around this woman comfortably or that might cause rifts between other friends or just awkward politics.

IntroducingMyLadyGarden · 27/06/2021 21:00

And you are victim blaming, at the moment, you're annoyed with him for something that's not his fault, and if you can't see that you must be a pretty possessive person.

thedancingbear · 27/06/2021 21:00

‘Last night, my wife went out and a man tried to crack onto her. At the end of the evening, he grabbed her crotch.

I think she should’ve come straight home the moment he made it clear he was interested. I’ve been in a strop with her all day. She brought it on herself by staying out’

This is you, OP. Shameful.

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