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Original poster

Said he liked me then said he didn’t?

107 replies

MamaOl93 · 26/06/2021 14:39

Went out on a date, we both agreed to a second after confessing we liked each other. Second date - went for a walk, held hands, really lovely. Then he tells me at the end of the date he doesn’t like me the way he thought he did and he’s really sorry and feels terrible, guilty etc.

He wants to be friends and still hang out and wants to bring me around his friends and we still talk by text and see each other in person.

I’ve accepted this as I don’t want to lose him from my life but is this normal for a guy to want to do all those things with a girl he doesn’t like?

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 26/06/2021 14:41

After two dates dump him! You have nothing invested unless there is a back story.

Sounds like he is lining you up for a back up shag. Sorry Flowers

billy1966 · 26/06/2021 14:54

He's making an absolute gobshite out of you.

"Lose him from your life"?
You don't know him from adam.

Block and move on unless you want him making an awful fool out of you.
Flowers

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 26/06/2021 14:58

@billy1966 I do know him actually, we were colleagues and friends before the date, known him 6 months x

OP posts:
weeme02 · 26/06/2021 15:02

From my POV he wants you on the side and that way he's free to do whatever he likes and he'll know you can't say anything about that as you agreed to that arrangement. It could end in heartache for you and that's not fair on you at all. You deserve better

66babe · 26/06/2021 15:03

Doesn't sound so weird to me
You went on a second date - he got to know you a wee bit better - he's not that into you - not compatible

  • he's backing off but doesn't hate you - just not feeling the butterflies
No biggie ...
PurpleyBlue · 26/06/2021 15:05

This is what 2nd dates are for though? To get to know each other.

billy1966 · 26/06/2021 15:06

@weeme02

From my POV he wants you on the side and that way he's free to do whatever he likes and he'll know you can't say anything about that as you agreed to that arrangement. It could end in heartache for you and that's not fair on you at all. You deserve better
This.

Either way, he's going to make a gobshite out of you.

Don't let him.
Move on.
He's nothing special.
Just an ego.

DeeCeeCherry · 26/06/2021 15:07

Get rid fgs you're being primed to be the Fallback Girl. Why so invested after a mere 2 dates? What do you need him in your life for anyway? You barely know him. Don't get sucked into wanting a man in your life by any means necessary. There is far more to life than that and you should be out there having fun and curious and interesting times discovering that

Lotsolove · 26/06/2021 15:47

Sounds like he is lonely. Only continue with the friendship if you are happy only being friends with him. If he have any feelings for him you are going to get hurt.

RandomMess · 26/06/2021 15:49

Maybe there just wasn't enough chemistry there for him?

Up to you whether you are with being friends or want to distance yourself.

cupoftea2021 · 26/06/2021 16:03

He likes you as a friend not as a sexual partner or relationship
Nothing wrong with that, at least he said so and still wants you as a friend.
Why are people not valuing a friendship is it all pride.

Peach01 · 26/06/2021 16:05

Sounds like after the second date he's realised it's not a romantic thing for him.
It's hard when you like someone not to read into things.
He's been honest and upfront as to not lead you on, there are countless threads on her where women have been strong along only to end up hurt.

It comes down to how much you like him, if you like him in a romantic sense it might not be a good idea to build a friendship. He'll be in your life and you'll get closer, even know of relationships he has. Could you do that knowing you'll never have that with him? You can still be pleasant with each other without actively trying to build a friendship.

Peach01 · 26/06/2021 16:06

Strung along

Leshan · 26/06/2021 16:07

Any hole is a goal - that about sums up his regard for you.

VettiyaIruken · 26/06/2021 16:08

I'm not that into you but any port in a storm and all that so I'll keep you around.

Hsurbbrb · 26/06/2021 16:10

@Peach01

Sounds like after the second date he's realised it's not a romantic thing for him. It's hard when you like someone not to read into things. He's been honest and upfront as to not lead you on, there are countless threads on her where women have been strong along only to end up hurt.

It comes down to how much you like him, if you like him in a romantic sense it might not be a good idea to build a friendship. He'll be in your life and you'll get closer, even know of relationships he has. Could you do that knowing you'll never have that with him? You can still be pleasant with each other without actively trying to build a friendship.

This. He thought there might have been something there, by the second date he’s realised you’re not compatible for whatever reason, so he’s told you. He could have carried on dating you and used you for sex or whatever until someone else came along, but he was upfront and honest.
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 26/06/2021 16:25

Can't see what he's done wrong here, you've known each other /been friends a while. Been on 2 dates and he's decided that actually he's not into you in that way.

He's been honest about it and that hed rather stay friends.

StayCalmX · 26/06/2021 16:28

Oh blimey.

That must be confusing but tell him that that's grand, bye.

And then lick whatever wound you have in private.

Maybe he went on the second date to see if he felt that way about you, but it's possible he's relegating you, wants to see if you'll stick around as a go-to pick-me kind of girl. Sounds like a route to destroying your self-esteem. who is he, a randomer, you've met him twice and he's announcing that he doesn't feel that way about you. I'd just get yourself far away from him now.

Protect your self esteem Flowers

StayCalmX · 26/06/2021 16:29

@VettiyaIruken

I'm not that into you but any port in a storm and all that so I'll keep you around.
yeh, that'd be my worry.

And he's not a friend. He's somebody you've met twice. So don't try to make a friend out of him.

Backthewaywecame · 26/06/2021 16:33

Don’t accept it. He’s told you he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Is he serious about taking you to meet his friends? He might just be saying that to be kind but it would be weird anyway.

StayCalmX · 26/06/2021 16:35

oh sorry, you used to work with him?

Oh God. Look, he should have known before the first date whether or not he felt THAT WAY about you.

I'm sorry but I think you have been primed to be fallback girl.

You will destroy your self-esteem if you ''don't want to lose him from your life''.

He's a man who built you up and then knocked you down. That might be unfair to him, he might have a different perspective but focus right now on YOUR perspective. And from your perspective, he said he liked you and then after getting to know you a LITTLE, he told you he didn't like you 'like that'. But he wants to keep you in his circle?

I agree with the poster who warns you're being primed to be fallback girl.

If you're determined not to 'lose him from your life'' don't square up for a place holder girlfriend without the romance kind of relationship.

I have been in a similar situation. And he was so honest I suppose. Told me he didn't want a girlfriend, but hung about in my life blocking my ability to build a connection with any other man. He knew i was in to him. And that didn't seem to make him uncomfortable?! If the situation had been reversed I would have been very uncomfortable.

Original poster
MamaOl93 · 26/06/2021 16:37

@Backthewaywecame oh no he’s serious, we were sat in his car about half an hour afterwards and he brought up this game that we all mutually like- and said would I want to meet his friends and play the game with them.

I said well how would that go? And he said “they’d look at you, look at me… look at you, look at me, and call me a t**t for what I’ve done”

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaOl93 · 26/06/2021 16:39

@StayCalmX I am happy being his friend due to the friendship we had before that developed out of work, but I 100% agree with the knowing me a little comment - I did say to him that I didn’t feel like he gave me a chance, and he said yes I didn’t give you a fair chance.

OP posts:
StayCalmX · 26/06/2021 16:42

Be honest with yourself now, for your sake.

Will being in the orbit of a man who knows you well enough to know you and yet who has chosen to reject you in that way, will that erode you?

Is that good for you?

Do you want to make decisions that are good for you?

Don't stand in your own way if you want to meet somebody decent and be loved.

StayCalmX · 26/06/2021 16:42

Apologies if that sounds really blunt.