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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

HOW DID YOU CATCH CHEATING

103 replies

friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 15:26

Partner still in contact with ow almost previously!
Want to find out if anything going on still.
Ideas please?

OP posts:
LoopTheLoops · 22/06/2021 15:28

Looked at his phone, unpopular but I don’t care 🤷‍♀️

friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 15:30

Can't get near it. Glued to him.

OP posts:
takeanotherchillpill · 22/06/2021 15:34

Ask to look at his phone. His reaction wll tell you all you need to know.

dane8 · 22/06/2021 15:37

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 15:37

I agree but I want to find out without him knowing I am checking him just incase I'm wrong as I think that will taint relationship.

OP posts:
friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 15:39

@dane8

Whenever he’s on his phone, look at your phone on WhatsApp and see if he’s on it

Other than that if he’s going out, follow him

This is good one and have done this but he has a lot of online friends/colleagues on whatsapp so can't be sure it's her even if online same time
OP posts:
HappyCamperT5 · 22/06/2021 15:40

@friedeggsandchips

I agree but I want to find out without him knowing I am checking him just incase I'm wrong as I think that will taint relationship.
Sounds tainted alreadyConfused
Potplant · 22/06/2021 15:43

A bad case of mentionitis, so I snooped on his phone.

gamerchick · 22/06/2021 15:43

@friedeggsandchips

I agree but I want to find out without him knowing I am checking him just incase I'm wrong as I think that will taint relationship.
Your relationship is dead anyway if you're at this point of wanting to check his phone OP. It sounds like it's time to end it rather than get proof.
thenewduchessofhastings · 22/06/2021 15:44

Why is he still in contact with OW?

How disrespectful is he;you've obviously decided to give your relationship another chance even though he doesn't deserve one.

I'd insist on no contact at all.

ravenmum · 22/06/2021 15:48

Has he got the desktop version of whatsapp on his laptop?

ravenmum · 22/06/2021 15:49

(Mine wrote emails, and hadn't changed his email password since he wrote it down in a book in my desk drawer fifteen years before.)

friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 15:53

No he hasn't got laptop just phone and main computer.
Doesn't use computer much.

OP posts:
ravenmum · 22/06/2021 16:00

He could have the Whatsapp desktop version on the PC, and might not think of it if you ask to use it.

ravenmum · 22/06/2021 16:01

Might also have an email or two on there.

friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 16:14

Ok will look
Thanks

OP posts:
Livandme · 22/06/2021 16:23

Honestly? Sounds like you couldn't ever trust him.
Get rid, your instinct telling you something.

Dozycuntlaters · 22/06/2021 16:28

If he is still in touch with her then it is still going on. it probably never stopped, he just got more clever with it. Your relationship is already tainted, and you don't need to catch him at it to know its still going on.

friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 16:31

He went to cinema with another women in 2008 after 20 years together. Never found out much and he didn't say he wanted to end relationship when I found out about this.
Two years ago when I found out about his dinner date he wanted to end our relationship (30 yrs together then) and changed his mind after 5 days.
Hard to leave as got home, children etc and he thinks I'm better about everything now as he has seen me distraught!!!!
I'm not great most days inside.

OP posts:
friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 16:33

I need to find something concrete.
I know this isn't how everyone is.

OP posts:
squishyegg · 22/06/2021 16:40

Check his phone when he's asleep at night?

petrocellihouse · 22/06/2021 16:41

You don’t need to find any evidence. You already know….

Piccalily19 · 22/06/2021 16:44

If it was me I would turn on find my friends on my iPhone and enable only 1 trusted friend to see its location. Then I’d put my phone under one of the seats in the back of his car. Then you can ask your friend to track your phones location if/when you think he’s with her.
If he finds it you can just act relieved he found it and say you must of dropped it in there looking for something for one of the kids etc, if it’s your phone he’s unlikely to suspect anything

Thinkinginsidethebox · 22/06/2021 17:42

If he's using an Android phone and he's signed into his google account there's potentially loads of data - location details about where he's been for starters - possibly even readily available to view on the computer.

If it's an iPhone you'd need to have ten minutes or so access to it to back it up to your own computer via iTunes and you'd need to know the passcode for his phone.

friedeggsandchips · 22/06/2021 18:01

iPhone and goes everywhere with him and he is a light sleeper.

OP posts: