Dating non-driver

[OkSpiritualknot]

Just starting seeing someone, he's divorced, no kids, aged 51.
He doesn't drive. Has never had lessons or wanted to learn

To me, this is a bit strange. He lives about 20 miles away and catches a bus to see me. He keeps mentioning he's not tight... Which to me is a red flag.

I'm very independent, had 2 previous relationships where I've ended up being sponged off and want to avoid this happening again.

I've only had 2 dates, he's keen, but I don't feel right about this. Have others dated non-drivers and it worked out OK?

I don't understand people who move to rural areas that cannot drive. Learn before you move. I tried to learn while young, didn't like it, didn't feel confident and felt I'd be a danger to other folk. Driving isn't for everyone. What I will say is, I know a few older people who moved to rural/country areas, then sadly ended up with health problems which meant they had to give up their car. Like another poster, I use public transport and have always managed. My husband drives but he is my husband, not my chauffeur. He would take me anywhere I needed to go, but I seldom ask. I like my Independence. One thing that did puzzle me, what did the 'Im not tight' comment have to do with the chaps ability to drive? I would give the guy a chance and not just judge him on driving alone.

I would not date someone who did not drive.

If that makes me a snob then on this point I'll happily be labeled a snob. 🤷🏼‍♀️

(inability to drive because of medical reasons is obviously completely different, but that's not what we are discussing here)

These threads are always divisive on here. In this case I presume you’re not thinking of kids (?) so it feels less critical - I know others will disagree but I’d be reluctant to be the only driver in a young family and frankly the two I know who are are both classic man-child and the wives are schlepping here there and everywhere. So that aside it’s just a matter of how much you think this will affect you if you carry on seeing him.

@Gothichouse40

I don't understand people who move to rural areas that cannot drive. Learn before you move. I tried to learn while young, didn't like it, didn't feel confident and felt I'd be a danger to other folk. Driving isn't for everyone. What I will say is, I know a few older people who moved to rural/country areas, then sadly ended up with health problems which meant they had to give up their car. Like another poster, I use public transport and have always managed. My husband drives but he is my husband, not my chauffeur. He would take me anywhere I needed to go, but I seldom ask. I like my Independence. One thing that did puzzle me, what did the 'Im not tight' comment have to do with the chaps ability to drive? I would give the guy a chance and not just judge him on driving alone.

I do agree with this. I don’t understand why you’d move somewhere without good transport if you don’t drive. I don’t drive but I live in London and it’s normal to be a non driver here - in fact there’s only one person on my team at work who CAN drive! My mum didn’t drive while I was growing up but ironically it was her who had to take me anywhere on public transport or I’d walk, because my dad would refuse to give me lifts anywhere and was usually out somewhere doing his hobby (with the car)

I wouldn’t date a non driver. Someone who didn’t have a car but could drive, fine, someone who flat out wouldn’t learn to drive. No.

It quickly becomes a chore, and any amount of petrol money or someone paying for my meal on exchange doesn’t change the fact that sometimes it’s nice to have a break from driving.
Me and DP do a lot of outdoor stuff that tents to need driving to remote locations, I do most of the driving as my car is nicer, and I’m more confident on country lanes, however it’s nice to have the option to say I can’t be arsed that day!

However I agree, moving to a rural area if one of you can’t drive is a madness and you’ll quickly be a taxi.

I would be thinking that if we got together long term and went out for days/holidays/anywhere, it would always be me driving and that would piss me off.

In my experience women only tend to date drivers even though theyre non drivers themselves.
Im a non driver as i had a brain injury when i was 18.
Im allowed to drive but never passed my test and dont feel safe.
Ive found if you dont drive you dont have a love life.
Women seem to expect the guy to drive

It sounds like there is no medical reason , so yes, run for the hills!! It’s very weird.