Support needed for facing my horribly abusive ex

[Pebbledashery]

Here is my support thread.. Thank you everyone

@fourquenelles

Phew Pebble really good news even with the little bits of mould in there. I don't think that there is still any real understanding by people who have never been in the position just how you can drive yourself to act totally out of character by frustration, injustice and buttons being pushed.

If I could have gotten hold of my daughter's abuser I would have stabbed him in the neck and quite happily gone to prison for it and normally I can't even kill spiders. Thankfully he died falling out of a window after a heart attack brought on by a huge drug overdose. I am more than happy to wish the same for your abuser.

Wow. I'm jealous he died. Can you send some poison vibes his way too... The judge did say in the finding of his abuse of DD that he was so out of control you could easily infer that he was violent towards me if that's how he treated a child. I just worry about the future now.

Can you send some poison vibes his way too...

Absolutely!

I understand from reading about it, that it is quite rare, but do you think there is any possibility to get his parental rights revoked?

Wow @fourquenelles the karma bus reversed over him to make doubly sure huh?

@Whatamesssss

I understand from reading about it, that it is quite rare, but do you think there is any possibility to get his parental rights revoked?

My loser ex scum Gabbed my dd by the throat Fired her across the room

She was only 5 weeks old

No one mentioned his parental rights being taken away it seems so rare 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

@Sunbird24

Wow *@fourquenelles* the karma bus reversed over him to make doubly sure huh?

If I'd posted about it on here at the time you'd have said I was a troll!

Parental responsibility being stripped is almost unheard of. But I think I can get a prohibited steps order preventing him picking her up from school and a restriction on his PR where he only receives redacted school report. I would need to check with the school nearer the time.

I'm on Holiday (nothing exotic ! ) and been driving most of the day and been thinking about you. Good, now a judge has reported no unsupervised it will make it harder to get it changed.

@Queenie6655 FFS what does it take? I think the laws need an overhaul in this country.

@Pebbledashery Do you think you could also ask that the name of school could be kept from him too?

Yes that's a perfectly reasonable request

Sad to say he will soon find another innocent person to harm and prob have children with and he may leave you all alone !!

Parental responsibility has more chance of being removed if charges has been pressed and he was found guilty. That’s the outcome I’m hoping for after mine and my child’s case has gone to court for a variety of horrific crimes; my solicitor told me no chance it will be removed unless he is found guilty and sentenced first. BUT he is allowed no contact at all with my child while under police investigation and won’t be till after a trial (if he was found innocent) not even allowed to send letters or have supervised contact. However he has never actually tried to have contact either.

Parental responsibility doesn't get 'revoked'; you don't undo being a parent. It changes with adoption but I'm not sure there's any legal route elsewhere? However the law is clear that its responsibility that comes with those rights.
While PR doesn't get revoked, other steps would be put in place to prevent the parent using that PR if they're not safe to do so.

Not familiar with stalking laws so not sure how that interacts with PR. I do know we've got kids where lifetime non-mols are in place where parents have asked for the name of the school and it's been given, it's also unrealistic even with supervised contact for a child never to give away information that a parent could piece together to get an idea of location. BUT things are put in place to ensure for example, that school know the details of the parent and don't allow them to attend the school, police are called if they try to pick up the child, police are called if concerns that the parent is trying to get address info etc etc.

Hello I have set up an account to post here after reading this.

My child’s biological father was a monster to say the least and when I had to go through the horrific ordeal of a court case after everything else parental responsibility was removed so I am my child’s only legal parent (he’s now grown up).

So it can be done, when I went to court all knowledge of the abuse received was not allowed to be discussed just the fact he wanted custody and or access rights. The judge saw through it all and I was allowed to get on with our lives with him not knowing where we live, what school or an annual photo.

So they will do it.

NB sorry to contradict the previous poster, if there's exceptions there's exceptions but it must be v rare. Iv not come across it in 15yrs of child social work, except in cases of adoption.

Never met or heard of anyone else whose been through the same as me…. I’m living with ptsd etc now all these years later so I’m broken for live imho.

I was told by the judge it’s below 0% of all cases that it will occur and the reasons have to be as bad as how I was made to live. And gave me a recommendation for getting through it all and acting with dignity…. I was literally broken the moment I had to go to court too as another way to inflict pain on me.

I was just wondering if anyone else knows of anyone but me? As it’s so rare no one knows what to say if I pluck up the courage to try to explain and then I get the looks like somehow I’ve done something …. So I just keep it to myself nowadays.

I think perhaps if the local authority refuse to do the section 7 because DD isn't resident in that county anymore, then cafcass will do it.. I honestly think cafcass will protect us.. They wrote a letter saying that contact would destabilise our home placement as we fled and live in a confidential location.. His PR won't be removed, but for the purposes of keeping us safe from harm then just maybe a restriction to say he isn't to know where her school is. The judge has extended the non molestation order presumably because he thought he still posed a risk. He could've easily discharged it.

@Thenshewasgone

Parental responsibility has more chance of being removed if charges has been pressed and he was found guilty. That’s the outcome I’m hoping for after mine and my child’s case has gone to court for a variety of horrific crimes; my solicitor told me no chance it will be removed unless he is found guilty and sentenced first. BUT he is allowed no contact at all with my child while under police investigation and won’t be till after a trial (if he was found innocent) not even allowed to send letters or have supervised contact. However he has never actually tried to have contact either.

In my case the person was not charged with anything and didn’t have a criminal record was just an unfit human….. doesn’t even deserve to be called that imho.

The judge said that the recording that was played was extremely harrowing and that he was completely out of control...

@Pebbledashery

I think perhaps if the local authority refuse to do the section 7 because DD isn't resident in that county anymore, then cafcass will do it.. I honestly think cafcass will protect us.. They wrote a letter saying that contact would destabilise our home placement as we fled and live in a confidential location.. His PR won't be removed, but for the purposes of keeping us safe from harm then just maybe a restriction to say he isn't to know where her school is. The judge has extended the non molestation order presumably because he thought he still posed a risk. He could've easily discharged it.

Try and get parental responsibility removed as you will then be free. I never asked for it, didn’t have a clue about anything at the time but it is possible.

And I do hope you and your child get to now live a happy peaceful life.

I was that low in my life I thought I was going to be killed if I stayed or killed if I left so I left. I still think it’s going to happen most days but try to block the bas thoughts. I now live somewhere else and all these years later I’m with a nice partner and most importantly my child and I survived.

I'm so sorry all of you that have been through this, it is horrific.

@Itwontstopraining I have been googling and it can happen, there needs to be extreme reasons though.

The case I read about, the father's solicitor asked if he could be informed if the child had a life limiting illness/accident etc. The judge said no, because of the emotional impact it would place on the mother would be detrimental to her ability to parent the child.

He was also banned from bringing any more court cases as it would be considered vexatious, so the Judge had his number and knew he would just do it to get at the mother and not from any desire to see the child.

I just think it's partly unfortunate because of the judge we've got..

I still don't really know how to feel to be honest.