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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Help! Can things be repaired or am I destined to be in a loveless marriage??

129 replies

Eric7 · 14/06/2021 08:53

Hi all,

First time posting on one of these forums. Would really welcome some help. Been with my wife for over 20 years (Married for 11). She was my best friend. Things got tougher initially when we had 2 kids. However they are 5 and 7 now and we operate well as a family. Issue is my wife 12 months ago asked me to sleep in the spare room. Prior to that we argued from time to time about various things (work life balance, where we live, libidos (mine higher)). She says all the arguments caused her anxiety.

Since I moved into the spare room there has been no intimacy. My wife is also more detached from me. We still speak and sort of get on. We give each other a kiss in the morning and before bed time, but it is not the same. We have been going to counselling for the past 6 months. She provided a list of things she wanted me to change about things I do, which I think I have made great efforts to address (she agrees to). However there is little change in her stance. She says is affected by what happened previously and also she has lost the emotional connection to me / us and wants to try and find it again. But she doesn’t make much effort in trying to re establish it. It is always me offering her a hug, holding her hand, trying to make conversation. She spends most of her time looking at her phone when we are together.
The last 12 months have been awful. I work in a pretty stressful albeit well paid job and am the sole breadwinner in the house. Our kids are great and I could see us being a happy family and giving them a good life.
The issue however is my wife’s stance with me has taken a massive toll. I feel anxious now when I am around her. I feel constantly low and almost on the brink of tears sometimes. I have to maintain a façade when anyone asks about us, how we are.
With the lack of change I think I have a decision to make. I no longer have hope that we can work things out. I have done all I can to be a better person, but she has just remained withdrawn.
I can leave, but then I will have to move away back to my home town (200 miles away). All the close friends here are our neighbours, so I will lose them if I move out. I still have friends back in my home town, and whilst I doubt they are going to be as good as a rock as say family would be (PS Both my parents passed away so no longer have that support network), they will help. But I suspect I will have to deal with the pain on my own. And the pain of not seeing my kids grow up is horrible.
The other option is to stay, but accept that this is my life for the next 20 years in that I live in a pretty much loveless marriage. I at least get to be a dad to my children, but I fear I will change and become a more bitter person the longer this goes on.
Any thoughts advice appreciated. I would also like to know if anyone has stuck at such a situation and whether they are glad they did. Am in wrong and can things actually be repaired with my wife??? Or whether it was a mistake with hindsight?

Just to be clear I still care massively about my wife, and I think I still love her. I am still very attracted to her and just wish she would be the person I married (or as close to), as I really believe we could be a great family. But maybe my wishes are a bit delusional???

I am in my early forties, so perhaps there is a slim chance I could rebuild my life now. But I am scarred that I could be in the same position after a few more years.
I just want to be with someone who makes me happy, and who I can make happy as well. I don’t think that is unreasonable!!!
Thanks

OP posts:
EarthSight · 17/06/2021 20:34

Your wife might have already ended things in her heart, but before going forward, it might be worth asking her if there's anything you can do for forgiveness. The answer might not be possible for you, or she might be beyond the point of caring, but at least then you will have asked.

I don't know what your financial situation is like but you could do with cutting back your hours and she could do with working some, depending on childcare costs (obviously). She doesn't want a stressful job, but I'm afraid lots of jobs are stressful. I can't imagine it's exactly an empowering, great feeling to be financially dependent on a man she would rather not be a marriage with.

LollyPops111 · 17/06/2021 20:55

@Eric7 - I honestly think when the sex stops, so does the marriage, it’s the one act that either makes you friends or lovers. It alters your connection and widens the gap between you both.
I really think you need to have another chat again, if she can’t forgive you, then there is nothing further you can do than part ways, unless you choose to stay living together but not in a relationship and just co-parent. Marriages really shouldn’t be hard work.

Graphista · 18/06/2021 01:33

The day to day "humdrum" of parenting is absolutely what builds the bond between parent and child, glad you are recognising and acknowledging that op.

My dd is in the process of tentatively "reconnecting" with her dad at her instigation. He is barely making an effort and I'm so worried she is going to be rejected/hurt again but there is nothing I can do as she is an adult now all I can do is listen, support, occasionally guide. It's really hard. He is getting frustrated with her that it's not as "easy" as it is with his 5 boys - that he has lived with all their lives! Of course it won't be the same and that's not her fault!

We have tried counselling, but it hasnt worked.

Counselling is so tricky to navigate. For starters finding a good counsellor you click with, unfortunately not all counsellors are "genuine" as it's an unregulated industry and unprotected title - anyone can do it! Then a counsellor may suit you but not her, some places have collaborative counselling where you see different counsellors but give them permission to talk to and collaborate with each other to work together to bring you together, or even seeing the same counsellor but having individual sessions at least initially. That way you can both say what you need to get off your chests without as much risk of upset.

It'll take longer than 6 months as I said before. There's a lot to unpick

I honestly think when the sex stops, so does the marriage, it’s the one act that either makes you friends or lovers.

I have to agree. When I couldn't face having sex with my then husband (because I couldn't trust him, inc with my sexual health) I knew it was over. I kept my cards close as I needed to organise things financially/legally but that didn't take long and that stage coincided with him doing something utterly unforgivable and things coming to a head anyway and me admitting I knew about his affair (which he denied - and continued to deny for YEARS despite the child that was a result of it!)

That she's stuck around and you get along in other ways suggests all is not lost though.

I can only speak from my own experience and from talking with friends/family but it's really really common for women to just feel "touched out" in those early years (a phrase and concept I was unaware of until I joined mn after the divorce) and just want their bodies left in peace of an evening!

Question - have you ever had sole care of the dc for any period of time? A weekend a week? Because to be honest, if not, you won't have a HINT of how it feels to be CONSTANTLY in demand - physically, practically, spiritually!

I truly think ALL dads as soon as possible dependent on various circumstances (eg breast feeding) should have a time where they have sole care, a long weekend, a week if only so they can get a TASTE of the experience of doing so.

My own brother became a resident single dad due to splitting from his ex then his ex died. Prior to that, he thought he was an excellent and involved dad. Not 6 weeks into this situation developing he admitted he hadn't a clue! That he was struggling and didn't know how all the sahm (he was still working!) and especially single mums did it without going nuts! Now yes he was also dealing with a grieving child who'd lost SO much, his mum but also his home, his school, his friends as he had to move... but bro admitted he was even struggling with the basics - like remembering to sign a school permission slip, or that his child didn't like x veg...

He is now remarried but often says in such discussions that ALL fathers should do a week solo ASAP. Actually he says a fortnight! And not a holiday but normal school/work juggling.

Something to ponder on?

So many marriages/ltr fall apart at the young kids stage for all these reasons. The physical demands, the lack of sleep, tight finances...but also if one or other of the couple takes their spouse/partner for granted at this stage.

Every action, every word, cannot be taken back.

mathanxiety · 18/06/2021 04:41

@sortingout

Agree - very well expressed.

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