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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking of spying on the guy im dating

126 replies

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 20:26

Have done this before, was outside his house and waited for sometime but didn't see anything. We have had conversations about fidelity etc and he was pretty clear he does want me only and me him. Due to a traumatic event where a guy a couple of years ago, posed as single while he was married, it's impossible for me to trust 100% anyone I'm romantically involved with. The past few weeks I noticed a change in behaviour in him. He did seem to not initiate contact with me and not really asking to meet me. I brought the issue up with him and he said he has some issues with work recently and responsibilities like for example he argued with his boss as he was changed area and with his son. We've seen each others 2 years now but we are not what I would say full on committed, we are exclusive though and a steady presence in each others lives. I am thinking to spy on him outside his flat. I'm just wondering if it's better outside, behind a large Bush, or inside the flat entrance, I can hide either upstairs so I view his flat from above, or downstairs so I can view the flat from below but I think it may prove risky if I bump into a neighbour. Any thoughts

OP posts:
ShinyGreenElephant · 12/06/2021 20:27

If you are seriously considering this then just break up with him

Savoretti · 12/06/2021 20:32
Biscuit
StarryNight13 · 12/06/2021 20:35

No, that is stalking. If you have trust issues with men in general, end things, then seek professional help before entering another relationship because this is not normal.

GulliBelle · 12/06/2021 20:36

That's nice dear.

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 20:36

The thing is he doesn't seem to initiate much contact on the past few weeks and I have asked him what's going on.

He told me he is overwhelmed and has some issues with work when we last met at his house.

I then asked him if he wants to end it and he said no

OP posts:
clpsmum · 12/06/2021 20:38

Listen to him and believe him. Don't overthink it and don't spy on him

AlternativePerspective · 12/06/2021 20:40

End it. And don’t have any more relationships.

He’s not responsible for what happened to you in the past. And seriously, given you’re prepared to go to these lengths the relationship is over.

Now grow up.

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 20:41

Im not sure if I can trust as he doesn't seem to be initiating contact with me.
I asked again on Mon and he said to me that he is busy a lot of the time and he is not one to send a lot of messages in general.
That it's up to me where we go from here.
I told him I don't think its up to me only and I asked because the communication obviously declined. I didn't receive a response to this

OP posts:
Lipz · 12/06/2021 20:47

You could dress up as a bush and stand right outside his flat and no one will suspect a thing. Remember not to breath or sneeze that might give it away.

DotsandCo · 12/06/2021 20:49

This is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣

🌳🕵️‍♂️👀

Pyewackect · 12/06/2021 20:50

Oh definitely behind a bush.

wildeverose · 12/06/2021 20:50

That's called stalking. Grow up.

CallMeCleo · 12/06/2021 20:50

This is so sad. You must so so full of worry and anxiety, to think of doing this. Maybe he isn't right for you?

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 20:53

Bush is a classic

OP posts:
TrainspottingWelsh · 12/06/2021 20:54

You could disguise yourself as a rational person, from what you've posted he would never suspect it was you.

IAmAWomanNotACis · 12/06/2021 20:56

He's probably going off you because of your insecurity. FGS don't stalk him, DO get some therapy.

wheresmymojo · 12/06/2021 20:56

If this is serious you really need to seek some counselling

toocold54 · 12/06/2021 20:57

Either trust and believe him or spilt up.
If you stood outside his flat for one evening and there was nothing to suggest he was a cheat would that completely put your mind at rest?

Adviceneeded21 · 12/06/2021 20:57

Omg dont stalk him and go and speak to someone professional, you have some serious issues if your even considering hiding behind a bush etc..

seensome · 12/06/2021 20:58

Seems like he is losing interest, judge him on actions not words, if he's not contacting you as much and asking to see you, that's all you need to know, I don't think standing in a bush bored for hours is going to help, if you saw him with another woman, it would only make you feel bad. I would either stop putting all the effort in or just end it, when it's got to this point, you're clearly very unhappy in the relationship, he's not giving you enough attention.

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 20:58

Don't tell me you haven't thought of doing the same please at some point in your life as I won't believe you

OP posts:
Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 20:59

@seensome I've asked him already if he wants to end it. I would just want not possibly disappear on me and just let me know if this is the case.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 12/06/2021 21:00

Very weird behaviour from you. I would never trust a stalker..

carbon60 · 12/06/2021 21:03

Get a grip you weirdo

Issygray · 12/06/2021 21:03

OMG I just can’t 😂😂😂