Thinking of spying on the guy im dating

[Anon31483]

Have done this before, was outside his house and waited for sometime but didn't see anything. We have had conversations about fidelity etc and he was pretty clear he does want me only and me him. Due to a traumatic event where a guy a couple of years ago, posed as single while he was married, it's impossible for me to trust 100% anyone I'm romantically involved with. The past few weeks I noticed a change in behaviour in him. He did seem to not initiate contact with me and not really asking to meet me. I brought the issue up with him and he said he has some issues with work recently and responsibilities like for example he argued with his boss as he was changed area and with his son. We've seen each others 2 years now but we are not what I would say full on committed, we are exclusive though and a steady presence in each others lives. I am thinking to spy on him outside his flat. I'm just wondering if it's better outside, behind a large Bush, or inside the flat entrance, I can hide either upstairs so I view his flat from above, or downstairs so I can view the flat from below but I think it may prove risky if I bump into a neighbour. Any thoughts

Good idea OP
If he wants to see you he will let you know. You shouldn’t have to work to get his attention all of the time.

Try this

@TrainspottingWelsh

You could disguise yourself as a rational person, from what you've posted he would never suspect it was you.

Damn that's a good one 😂

Well I'm rational. I wanted to see if I would find out anything more that way but unfortunately it's hit and miss.

The truth is, normally you wouldn't find out the truth if you don't do some digging.

Unfortunately that's a fact. A lot of women have found things this way, or by searching phone, which I don't like but nevertheless, it has worked for people

How long have you been together? You would be better off spending the time seeking therapy for your trust issues.

Constant "why are you not contacting me / where is this going" conversations are draining and off putting.

I think someones trying to get in the daily mail

Ye obviously this conversation has been completed now and he knows my point of view on this

@Anon31483

And then who is gonna tell you they are unfaithful lol

I found out eventually, but I'd rather have my dignity thanks. Quite frankly, I hope somebody reports you to the police. I'd find stalking far worse than the cheating I put up with.

I think you are pretty much exaggerating

If you can't find a bush you could hide in a wheely bin. The up and down lid would provide a handy spyhole.

Lolllll I think I'm not gonna do anything else

Crikey you sound like massive hard work.

Step away from dating & get yourself some counselling, you are clearly not ready for a relationship & will never learn to trust when you think stalking a partner is normal acceptable behaviour. It isn't. It's nuts & you need to deal with your own issues before inflicting them on someone else

I trust, but not blindly

You need one of these OP

Binoculars are a must

This is sad. You can't do this. Look I get it. Go with your gut. Your gut is usually correct. But do not go crazy.
I've "spied" on my last man's Facebook activity. It was always obvious who he was eyeing up though and it led me to proof he was screwing a lady from Tinder. But that was right Infront of my nose. A quick message to the random lady and she confirmed they had a few sexy weekends together whilst we were going through a bad patch. I already knew before she told me though. My gut was screaming. I wouldn't ever go stalk him like you said though.

The thing is. I know that I only have these feelings for valid reasons. I have had relationships when I have never ever once suspected or looked at anything. I've only ever had one relationship where I read his texts and was correct. Ended it straight away. So what I'm trying to say is if you only get like this when you are right to be suspicious then you are just listening to what you already know. But if it's happening for no reason because you've been hurt before then you need some help to recover from what's happened to you.

Do not stalk him like this it's crazy behaviour. All women have had to look into a guy at some point but not like this.

Maybe this could be a career change? Stephanie Plum.
You need a sidekick.

I think you are right not to contact him anymore. His actions tell you everything. When was the last time you saw him in person?

Well in this case, he has told me he has issues at work but he really stopped initiating contact with me.

When I questioned him, he said what I mentioned before and that he wants me

So I don't know what to do in this case, if I will have to assume this is over, as I tried to ask him if he wants to end it already.

Shall I send one more text? But then it would be pressure.

Even if he wants really to end it, I wouldn't want him to just disappear without telling me and I voiced this.

I think that the best bet maybe is to give space for a period of time and if i don't have any contact to send him a last text just for the closure.

Ok I'll play along ..... I would say that if you have reason to doubt him then it's time to move on. No-one should ever drive you to such behaviour. Find your self respect.

Op end it, please Get some help, this is not normal behaviour, you are not acting normal or rational.
Most of us have been hurt and have issues but this is stalking.
If a man posted this they would have their ass handed to them.
Please, seek some therapy, be happy, you can change things for the better!
This must be so miserable for you, don’t continue like this, please.

I think that the best bet maybe is to give space for a period of time and if i don't have any contact to send him a last text just for the closure.

OP stop.
Do not text him again. You will know if he wants to see you because he will text. If it goes a week without a text then you have your answer. He doesn’t want to be with you he just wants you there to have sex with when it suits him. If he doesn’t text you for a while and then decides to text then either ignore or reply that you are busy. Stop acting so desperate.

I'll play along as well.

What will your last text say? " That shirt suits you BTW why are you putting tins in with your general rubbish?".

OP why not suggest a time to see him. If he's not available and doesn't suggest an alternative then you have your answer. In my experience dating men they rarely tell you outright that they don't want to see you anymore, they just let things drift...

@Polomintee ye but this is not good at all and shouldn't be like this especially when you ve been seeing the other person for a long time.

I said last time that it's not up to me only where we go and I will give some space.

Then I might ask to see him face to face to talk at least for closure.