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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking of spying on the guy im dating

126 replies

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 20:26

Have done this before, was outside his house and waited for sometime but didn't see anything. We have had conversations about fidelity etc and he was pretty clear he does want me only and me him. Due to a traumatic event where a guy a couple of years ago, posed as single while he was married, it's impossible for me to trust 100% anyone I'm romantically involved with. The past few weeks I noticed a change in behaviour in him. He did seem to not initiate contact with me and not really asking to meet me. I brought the issue up with him and he said he has some issues with work recently and responsibilities like for example he argued with his boss as he was changed area and with his son. We've seen each others 2 years now but we are not what I would say full on committed, we are exclusive though and a steady presence in each others lives. I am thinking to spy on him outside his flat. I'm just wondering if it's better outside, behind a large Bush, or inside the flat entrance, I can hide either upstairs so I view his flat from above, or downstairs so I can view the flat from below but I think it may prove risky if I bump into a neighbour. Any thoughts

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 12/06/2021 21:07

Some people shouldn’t be in relationships

NotaCoolMum · 12/06/2021 21:08

This has to be a troll! No way is anyone this batshit crazy Confused

4amWitchingHour · 12/06/2021 21:12

Trust is a choice. If you've have had shit happen to you in the past it will never be automatic, and will feel very uncomfortable. Snooping and stalking might make you feel better temporarily, but it won't last.

You should probably break up with him as you're not ready to be in a relationship if you won't choose to trust him. Or - hide behind the bush and he'll dump you. Don't bother the neighbours, they'll think you're super weird (you are)

DotsandCo · 12/06/2021 21:15

@Anon31483

Don't tell me you haven't thought of doing the same please at some point in your life as I won't believe you

As god is my witness...🤣 I have never, ever had any urge to stand outside anyone's flat in a bush and stalk them! For one thing, stalking is a criminal offence 🤷‍♀️

OP...you HAVE to know that this is not the action of a rationally thinking individual, surely?

TrainspottingWelsh · 12/06/2021 21:20

@DotsandCo don't lie, we all own military grade binoculars we use when stalking our significant others. Why, only this evening dp said he was going to a friends for a drink but I can see from the hidden camera I planted he's eating a pizza too. Must be cheating because he didn't mention ordering takeaway.

seensome · 12/06/2021 21:22

Not everyone will be honest enough to end it or perhaps he's quite happy to have a more casual relationship, you don't need to stay with him if you aren't getting what you need from him, sounds like it would be hard work for him to step up to what your looking for.

Ruminating2020 · 12/06/2021 21:22

End it with him, rather than ask him whether he wants to end it.

If you spy on him and he catches you, what will you say? You don't trust him anyway so it's a non starter.

bargelights · 12/06/2021 21:23

Yes, you should definitely hide behind a bush and spy on him. Perhaps wear a headdress of leaves and paint your face green to blend in. Nothing weird about that at all.

DotsandCo · 12/06/2021 21:23

[quote TrainspottingWelsh]@DotsandCo don't lie, we all own military grade binoculars we use when stalking our significant others. Why, only this evening dp said he was going to a friends for a drink but I can see from the hidden camera I planted he's eating a pizza too. Must be cheating because he didn't mention ordering takeaway.[/quote]

Shhh! Don't give everyone our trade secrets! 👀🕵️‍♀️

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 21:26

I'm definitely not gonna contact him anymore.

The thing is yes he should be honest enough to end it if he doesn't wanna continue anymore.

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 12/06/2021 21:26

You'll need one of these camo hats

Thinking of spying on the guy im dating
Workinghardeveryday · 12/06/2021 21:27

This is crazy!!!! Seriously think about what you are saying and how weird it is. Can you actually imagine what he will think of you when he catches you?!
It is actually stalking, sorry op but this is not rational normal behaviour.
No, not considered doing this even though I thought my ex was cheating!!
Can you not see the problem is with you not him?

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 21:28

@MiniTheMinx good idea

OP posts:
excelledyourself · 12/06/2021 21:29

Behave yourself.

If he's up to no good, will you tell her by letter like you wanted to do with the last one?

HollowTalk · 12/06/2021 21:32

If he's overwhelmed now, think what he'll be like when he sees you hiding behind a bush.

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 21:32

@excelledyourself what do u mean?

OP posts:
PhilCornwall1 · 12/06/2021 21:34

I'm just wondering if it's better outside, behind a large Bush, or inside the flat entrance, I can hide either upstairs so I view his flat from above, or downstairs so I can view the flat from below but I think it may prove risky if I bump into a neighbour. Any thoughts

Are you aye

excelledyourself · 12/06/2021 21:36

[quote Anon31483]@excelledyourself what do u mean?[/quote]
Your other thread.

Amelia666 · 12/06/2021 21:36

Helicopter hovering over his house has my vote - perhaps to skydive down if he leaves/enters the house with a female?

Do it on bunjee rope if you still want a lift home in the chopper after confronting him. (Just make sure you plan in advance can admonish him effectively in a 2 second timeframe... perhaps a custard pie in both their faces?)

TrainspottingWelsh · 12/06/2021 21:37

@DotsandCo too late, @MiniTheMinx has already revealed this season's must have item for the discerning stalker Grin

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 21:38

Jokes aside, I'm not going to contact him anymore. And if he does not want anymore he should really tell me this without even telling me the reason

OP posts:
TacCat49 · 12/06/2021 21:43

Another creative writer me thinks. Or are you 12? I'm not taking the bait you weirdo.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 12/06/2021 21:43

I think he's too scared to tell you he wants to end it for fear you'll do something crazy.

Seriously back off and I would strongly advise you get therapy before entering into another relationship.

This is not normal. Definitely not healthy and you must be so unhappy to even contemplate it.

Anon31483 · 12/06/2021 21:45

Lol i think you couldn't be more wrong

OP posts:
KevinTheGoat · 12/06/2021 22:01

Alright, Alex Forrest.

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