To want more children...

[MillenialMumma]

I'm 31 years old and I have 3 beautiful babies (11 yo daughter and 6 yo twins - boy/girl) and when people randomly ask me if I want anymore I wholeheartedly, without hesitation say YES. To which these people then ask me, "are you crazy?" 😑 I've been pleading and negotiating with my husband to have a 4th, my children are dying for a baby, but my husband says no and gives me the ultimatum of either getting onto contraception or him get a vasectomy. I'm heartbroken. I didn't want him getting a vasectomy because I'm praying he'll come around, so I'm now on contraception. Just wanted to know if I'm asking for something ludicrous or if my husband and others are being bumholes :) I believe having children already doesn't mean I don't have the right to want another. Thanks MumsNet fam xx

You sound incredibly immature

I wouldn't be cajoled into having a baby I didn't want. You feel the way you feel but i think you need to learn to be happy with your lot and accept another baby is not going to happen. Three is plenty.

I’ve got a little girl and I’m currently pregnant with twins!

Can’t wait to get sterilised ASAP because I never ever want anymore children!

I think it’s one of those things you just feel done, it’s okay if you don’t feel like that but in your situation I don’t think there would be anything worse than going back to the baby stage. Imagine more twins!

YANBU to want more and you can't help how you feel, but the parent who doesn't want more gets the final say. He should get a vasectomy if he really doesn't want more.

3 children is plenty, it's not as if you have an only child and are desperate to give them a sibling.

YABU,

You have three already and your DH said no. Life is not all about having babies? Don't you have any other ambitions? Don't you want more for yourself?

I have a distant friend who always has a baby with a new partner. She is on her 4th child. I keep thinking to myself, does she expect her life to be all about bringing up children? When the children leave the nest, then what? I wish she had more ambition in her life.

I mean this kindly, but having a child is analogous to sex in one way - it can only go as far as the less-keen partner wants it to. The keener partner can cajole, threaten, bribe, bring wonderful gifts, set the scene, buy stuff, persuade, make promises, plead, and live in entirely fantasy worlds inside their own head where it all worked out marvellously, but if their partner says “No”, that is the end of the matter.

Hi!

Thank you for reading and replying.
I respect and love my husband. The said contraception is an IUD (99.8% effective, correct me if I'm wrong). Hubby is 10 years older than me, I probably should've mentioned that but I do believe this plays a role in the situation too.
There are a lot of things which could make my hubby the bad guy on the topic :D But I would never deceive him and conceive accidentally-on-purpose. Xx

There are a lot of things which could make my hubby the bad guy on the topic

Like what? I can’t think of anything that beats his absolute right to say “I do not want to have another child”.

Your husband certainly isn't being "a bum hole" - he doesn't want more. Your kids aren't "dying for a baby" either. They've probably had you asking how they will feel if you had another. Babies grow, then what? Dying for another cute baby? Tbh I find it hard to believe a child with two siblings would be begging for another.
The bottom line is you're the one who wants this op, please don't use your children in an effort to convince your husband to have more.

YABU

Stop hoping and start accepting, the sooner you do the better you'll feel and you can all get on with your lives.

Idk things like not really being involved with their newborn phase (none of our 3 children, particularly the twins), taking on chores when I have my hands full :D Little things which I honestly don't mind, he kind of just can't be bothered with another baby whereas my heart flutters at the thought of another _

@MillenialMumma

Idk things like not really being involved with their newborn phase (none of our 3 children, particularly the twins), taking on chores when I have my hands full :D Little things which I honestly don't mind, he kind of just can't be bothered with another baby whereas my heart flutters at the thought of another _

None of those things are relevant to him not wanting another baby except that they make his decision more predictable.

Imagine more twinssss

Do you think maybe getting a pet may help? A little lap dog or cat to look after, I know it snot the same but may help comfort you a bit if hes not coming around.

its not

I'm in my third year of my double degree (Bachelor of Nursing and Midwifery) :)

Promise I'm not :)
We're happily married, it's not an issue we constantly argue over and I think I've respected his choice by stifling my hopes for another and using appropriate contraception.
I just wanted an objective conversation about what I'm feeling and I've gotten a healthy dose of it (yikes, I didn't know I'd get this much backlash hahah)
But I'll always want one more, and my heart hurts knowing I most likely won't have another.
Thank you for replying! Xx

I'm sorry you feel that way. Choosing a username always stumps me :D
Should've just gone with "Carrot" or something hmm

And your children are not “dying for a baby”

Please see above. And get a grip.

Also why are the women on here that are gagging for a baby always in university?

@MillenialMumma

I'm in my third year of my double degree (Bachelor of Nursing and Midwifery) :)

Well done! Please focus on that. It will not be easy looking after a newborn and doing night shifts. It can be done but why make your life more difficult-especially when you've got other children to consider

Promise I'm not crazy, I just jumped on here on a whim to have a chat about something I've been feeling for a while. But I can see even on a network where people step out of their comfort zones and open up to others, there will always be judgement. Thanks for replying though, I really appreciate it x

Why would you jeopardise your degree by having yet another child?

Some people will always want another baby. My mum did, and I have a friend who does. The third was the last, then the fourth, then the fifth. She’s desperate for another one now. She loves them. She’s a good mum and they have good lives. But she has said herself that she’ll always want another baby, and she’s worried about what that will mean when she can’t have anymore.

She’s gone back to work and she still really wants a baby. It’s something some people just have to live with... that may well be the case for you, given that your husband isn’t on board with any more, and you already have three.

“I’ll always want one more” - yep, one more after these 3, then one more after the 4th...
That’s what I’d be thinking if I were him!

Indulge your desire to cuddle babies with actually using your degree.

I’d be really annoyed with my partner if they’d studied for a new career then chosen to have another baby immediately instead of getting through their NQM year.

If your children are “dying” for a baby, then you’re talking about babies too much.

As for “bumhole” 🤣 remember you’re taking about children on this site, not to children! Not everyone likes to swear of course - but the alternative doesn’t have to be that twee 🤣

Hope you enjoy a fulfilling career, and get all the baby fix you need that way 👍🏻

I've gone back and forth a lot with my studies until today because of life and other priorities. I don't think it has anything to do with me wanting another baby though :D