Would you ever marry again?

[notoriousramblings]

Having been married for twelve years and lived through a coercive , emotionally vacant relationship , sexually coercive and lonely life ?
My current partner of a year , divorced five years ago, would. He sees it romantically as the obvious ultimate act of love and partnership and also a financially sensible
Decision .
I'm not so sure . Romantically I could see myself growing old with him . Financially I'm more independent . He has lost his home to his ex wife through bankruptcy despite trying everything to avoid it but is a high earner ( now) and good with money. My inheritance will be given to my children before I die in the form of a hefty deposit for their first home and also their education . I want to protect them and me financially . Amy thought? Hardly romantic but I've been fucked over enough to know the realities in the ground . Love him but not enough to put my children in a position to lose
Out financially .

No. I think vows are for life and if broken by divorce I’d not make them again as would seem wrong to me.

I didn’t marry for financial security and wouldn’t, much rather be financially independent.

NOPE never sharing assets again with someone I found under a rock. Last one did well out of me! My money and assets are mine and those of my children.

If I ever shacked up with another man, and has been discussed with the one I've been seeing for a few years, I'd rent out my home and go 50/50 with him on a new one but I'd seek solid legal advice even doing that.

Ye gods no. Once is enough.
I wouldn't even live with another bloke again.

I did marry again but only because my first marriage was when I was very young and it was very short.
I couldn't see myself marrying again now though if me and DH split up, purely because I wouldn't want to put myself at risk financially.

I also agree with PP I am not sure I would want to live with a man again either if me and DH split up.

The responses seem
Overwhelmingly in favour of never marrying . It's such a pity really but kids come first ! Doesn't seem to be a way through this

Nope don’t do it
The only way would be if you were married and your will leaves 50 percent to your kids if you die with him having the right to live in the house till he dies or remarries
However if you want to give your kids money now obviously this wouldn’t work
Personally I wouldn’t do it is a ring on the finger really worth loosing everything
At the moment it’s way way much more beneficial to him to marry you
Plus if he’s got kids and you buy in with him he’s going to want to leave his kids stuff
Depending on when he was bankrupt his credit may be really bad and he may not be able to get a joint mortgage anyway
Why would you give up your security for nothing in return because at your age what are you really getting
If your not giving up work to have kids then really what’s the point
When you think that a large amount of second marriages end in divorce why would you even bother .

I’m married for the third time now, it works (not only) because DH is significantly richer than me and I’ve kept my little house which I own outright and now let, plus I have a reasonably well paid job.

Only if a hypothetical new partner was loaded!!

I wouldn't if it were risking my financial security, independence and my DC hopefully inheriting from me.

I was talking about this the other day...I've got 3 businesses and they are for my dc, no way would I risk losing any of it for a man

I wouldn't marry again if I mislaid dh.
We have been together for two decades. I don't have any desire to housetrain a new person. I would want to protect my children's inheritance and my independence.

As others said
He’s bankrupt
No home
He has kids
You say he is a high earner - but how high and what debt has he got

Your solvent
You own your own house
You financially well off

He benefits far more from marrying you than you will marrying him
If it’s not equal don’t bother
A galloping fanny will not thank you when it’s been pounded to hard and is broke 😂

The responses seem Overwhelmingly in favour of never marrying . It's such a pity really but kids come first ! Doesn't seem to be a way through this

If you want to do it, you can probably find a way - but you need to get solid, independent legal & financial advice on your own about it.

And wait until you've been together a good couple of years - you're in the early days of your relationship and you don't know him that well.

@Wegobshite 😂😂😂 love that . Thanks for the laugh 😆

@Wegobshite no
Debt . Earns 60k+ pa

No, I wouldn’t.
Dh is great but I’ve spent years being there for my family (I’m not a martyr) so, selfishly, I would just want to be in a situation where I could live selfishly.

No.
I am a widow. I have three children.
I really enjoy male company but I would not marry again. I also would not live with someone again.
I had a relationship after my husband was killed. Turned out all he wanted was someone to parent his child and my money. He was very controlling and we were complete opposites. It got nasty and the police got involved.
I would love to find someone I really clicked with like my late husband but I suspect they are all happily married.

I have remarried. First husband abusive and financial liability. Financial security is vital to me.

I took 10 years to be confident of marrying and nearly backed out in the week before.

Marriage added something to our relationship. I think the enormous leap of faith meant our commitment was deeper. I've never regretted it.

Financially we have our own houses but live in mine. Mirror wills leave our assets to our own children. If we divorce there are two houses to share out. Can't see a problem

No absolutely not.

My father was marched down the aisle at 80. His mortgage free house and healthy sum would go to his new wife. She could literally die the following day and all my fathers assets would go to her children.

I'm not doing that.

Whatever I have is for my children and not someone else's.

I don’t get the attraction of marriage for you in your circumstances?

What would it bring you that is worth jumping through hoops for/putting yourself at financial risk?

I'm just thinking ahead . The what ifs . It came up , in. Light way

I've never been married. Was in a very long relationship with father of dc but it was toxic and abusive at times. I finally got the courage to end it, best thing I ever did. I brought him out and dc is now over 18. I am financially secure. Mortgage will be paid off soon and have a good pension etc. Have been with new partner several years and would love to get married eventually but I feel so screwed over by ex that I won't even go as far as living together. It makes me so sad that I will never get married, be 'Mrs' new partner and have the same as family and friends. I can't really explain why I want that so much and I know it's not for everyone but it was something I've always wanted. I now feel robbed of that but after what ex put me through, I know it's not worth risking everything. I don't think new partner would screw me over but I didn't think that of ex either. Just think you can never know and I'm now so guarded. I guess I'm mourning the life I imagined I'd have.

I'd love to marry again, but he'd have to be my financial equal and unfortunately all the men who are equal to me financially seem to want to marry 20 somethings so that counts me out. Am also really happy being single though.

Someone once said to me there's no need to get married. Just find someone you hate and give them half your house and pension. Bit cynical but made me laugh. Needless to say l have never been married

There is a saying
The person you marry is not the person you divorce and it’s so so true .
Out of interest how old are you and how old is he
How old are both of your kids
Are any of your kids going to Uni soon or at uni right now

If so then definitely don’t do it
As at the moment only your income would be assessed for any student loans even if your kids get no help or minimal help because of your income
You could easily find yourself funding his kids should they go to Uni

If your together even if your not married both yours income and his are included for any loans maintenance grants for your kids
But ignore this if your kids aren’t at Uni 😂