Would you ever marry again?

[notoriousramblings]

Having been married for twelve years and lived through a coercive , emotionally vacant relationship , sexually coercive and lonely life ?
My current partner of a year , divorced five years ago, would. He sees it romantically as the obvious ultimate act of love and partnership and also a financially sensible
Decision .
I'm not so sure . Romantically I could see myself growing old with him . Financially I'm more independent . He has lost his home to his ex wife through bankruptcy despite trying everything to avoid it but is a high earner ( now) and good with money. My inheritance will be given to my children before I die in the form of a hefty deposit for their first home and also their education . I want to protect them and me financially . Amy thought? Hardly romantic but I've been fucked over enough to know the realities in the ground . Love him but not enough to put my children in a position to lose
Out financially .

Because I like the idea of marriage into
Old age and I also want to give my children a good chunk of a home when they are of age and need it

Well I'm still married (mainly happily) but if I was widowed or divorced I would not remarry. It would hugely complicate the issue of assets I'd want to pass to our children (I'm too old to have more). Our house for example is fully paid off partly thanks to money inherited from PILs and my grandparents. I'd hate the idea of a new spouse getting their hands on it!

My pension would cover my share of the mortgage . He would be working at least ten years after I retire

Absolutely not. I'm married for the 2nd time and have kids, first marriage was when I was young and no kids. It suits me to be married to the father of my children, if something ever happens to our relationship then I have more protection but I would never do it again. Just don't see the point now I have my children. However I would never live with anyone again and I wouldn't try blending families either, a boyfriend might be ok but at arms length!

Look after yourself and stay independent. I'm a lesbian and have been in the most incredibly loving and equal relationship. I wouldn't live with a man.

I'm
Really not a fool and I won't compromise my children . I'm
Just wondering if there's a way to enjoy marriage and protect
My Children's living inheritance

I married again.
First 'd'h left me broke, totally unsupported as a parent (financially and practically) and I'm pretty sure he was unfaithful too!

Dh isn't perfect (I'm certainly not!) but he loves me so much and would do literally do anything for me or my dc.
He has worked tirelessly to help support us all and our lives have improved enormously. He treats my dc like his own and has been a very hands on 'Dad' for over a decade now.

My first marriage was also largely sexless and dh was a huge eye opener in that respect!! And our marriage is the polar opposite of both of our previous relationships

@notoriousramblings

Because I like the idea of marriage into Old age and I also want to give my children a good chunk of a home when they are of age and need it

Don’t sell your house so your kids can have a deposit. They can work and earn, life pretty much everyone else!

Unless you’re earning thousands a month they aren’t going to expect you to give them a hefty deposit. You need to make sure you’re secure into the future. Your kids can rent until they save enough to buy.

But don’t sell your house to give them the money!

No, I will never have another romantic relationship or remarry. I'm a widow and I know its irrational but I can't imagine being intimate with anyone else, I like that my DH was the last man to touch me intimately. For me it's not a practical or financial consideration but an emotional one.

Well you could look into keeping the house but before you marry transfer half to your kids so that your partner only has 25% claim at most and they are due 75%

Or he buys x % of the equity for x % of the house and you give that money to the kids.

A lot depends on how old everyone is

I suppose I felt that if I gave them 80k each with the proviso that it was solely for a home , that they would enjoy their inheritance while I was alive and set them
Up. Where I live, it will be short of impossible to own their own houses in the next ten- twenty years . That way I thought , I could
Share a home outright with my
Partner ... 50/50.. in the full knowledge that my children are sorted in the event of my death . Almost
Like starting from scratch on an
Equal
Footing

Maybe to a woman but never a man.

That said, I wouldn't actually marry or probably live with anyone but I imagine a future relationship would more likely be with a woman.

No because I’m old enough and cynical enough to realise that relationships don’t have a guarantee, that people aren’t always who you think they are, that marriage is a piece of paper and means very little. What is far more important is actions, commitment and finding an equal.

I’m personally not bothered, I cry at romantic movies but there is in way in this Earth I’d ever risk my child’s future stability or home by involving a man again.

No, not bloody likely.

My mum said she wouldn't but she just remarried 14 years after splitting W my dad

I didnt want to get married first time round, it was never something I needed. I'm a free bird and although i adored him, a bit of my spirit died the day i got married. Years later, he left for a younger model and I'm now renting, a lone parent and have even fewer opportunities to fly than I did while married. I will never give up my independence for a man ever again, even on a part time basis. I feel whole on my own, in a relationship I'm not.

@notoriousramblings

Because I like the idea of marriage into Old age and I also want to give my children a good chunk of a home when they are of age and need it

How are you guaranteeing this? You’d have to sell now and give it to them to do that. You could wind up in a nursing home and live for years. Do you have cash savings to start again or would you rent? Beware of you plan to claim benefits as it could be seen as deprivation. I want to leave our home to my DD, I just don’t know if it’s possible or practical to do so. Could you rent your property out to guarantee an income and move in to rented accommodation with your partner? See a solicitor beforehand, you really need legal advice I think.

Won't the tax man take a sizeable chunk out of a gift that size?

Absolutely no, no, no, not ever.

@notoriousramblings

My pension would cover my share of the mortgage . He would be working at least ten years after I retire

Maybe, or he might decide that if you’re not working he doesn’t want to work either, or he might get made redundant, or get ill and be unable to work and cover ‘his share’ of the mortgage, and you’ll have to cover the lot.

I mean, he’s gone bankrupt once already.

Yea he went bankrupt . In fairness he tried everything to avoid it but under no circumstances would his ex wife agree to anything different . It is to his great shame that this happened but he is out of it now and saving every penny that he can for his future . He got
Caught in the recession .. massive mortgage / car loans/ children and job losses . It was genuine in fairness

Under no circumstances would I be with a man who decided to jack his job just because I retired . I've worked long and hard for a decent pension and I am
No fool. I would just
Like opinions as to
How it could
Possibly
Work ?

Nope. My house, my money and my kids financial stability.

You've only been together a year, I would give it at least another year together, and get some legal and financial advice about your best options before you make such a big decision.

You don't know him that well, and it may be that his change with regard to money following bankruptcy won't stick.

@notoriousramblings

I'm Really not a fool and I won't compromise my children . I'm Just wondering if there's a way to enjoy marriage and protect My Children's living inheritance

Of course there is. We have done this. Put your house/savings into trust for your children. My husband and I married (second marriage for both of us and both with kids) but we were very practical in sorting out the finances. We married for love and commitment but stayed sensible regarding money and inheritance.