This is not right is it?

[LittleOldMe124]

I think i just need some perspective on this. This weekend DH went out to meet some friends for drinks. I thought, the way he spun it, it would be for a few hours and would be back early evening. He left me with the kids around 11am. Got in at 2am. Slept in late the Sunday and then woke up and didnt want to do anything with us. He just sat on the sofa watching sport.

Later on, when id gotten back from popping shop, my oldest (teenager) was a bit grumpy over food- didnt want what id bought for tea and didnt like anything else we had (typical teen behaviour). My younger child was winding the older one up so there was tension there and an argument. Anyway, DH starts shouting for us to shut up as he couldnt finish his sports program. I asked him to come and intervene whilst i removed the other child from the situation to calm things down. Anyway, DH flew into a rage shouting and just shut the door.

This isnt a one off. He literally does nothing to calm or understand what the issues are. He just shouts and basically is “like it or lump it” attitude. There is a bad feeling looking gor an argument between him and the oldest and i really dont know why. Makes me feel sad that he has to be like this as the adult here. I feel so unsupported its like having a third child. One thats capable except sits drinking and watching sport all weekend.

Im so pissed off

@LittleOldMe124 exciting times . Have you decided how you are going to tell him ?

@fedup078 no! Help. I feel bad as weve been together a long time. Im unsure what the best way of dealing this is. Im kinda planning in my head to get the keys, move some stuff in, then once beds are there, kids stuff etc, tell the kids and show them the place and then tell him? Im awake every night going over and over all this, its doing my head in… he keeps telling me he loves me loads, i wont find anyone else who loves me as much as him etc. I hate causing conflict snd upsetting people. I think thats why this has gone on so long…years

He can sense you are detaching but he's not prepared to change is he??

Any mutual friends are not going to be surprised that leave!

So pleased you've made the decision you have, OP. You deserve so much better than this. Stay strong.

Don't tell him until after you have moved
And DONT let him in your new house!!

Stay strong OP! If he gets weird about sex, tell him you have thrush or a UTI or something.

I don't think you should have to do this, but he sounds nasty and mean, and I'm just trying to think about how to make the next 3.5 weeks as "pleasant" for you as possible.

You're doing great OP, I'm excited for your fresh start and think you're doing a wonderful thing for your DC

I'm really not sure how I would do it
I'm quite lucky that mine left without much protest

I was just talking to my friend in RL and she thinks i need a sit down conversation with him. Im planning to move some bits into the house first and just wing it. Keep it brief, there will be a lot of tears but just keep repeating. Then leave. I wont be sucked back in. Weve been in this loop far too many times (hes an arse/im upset/i tell him/he is nice and says sorry/i fall for it/he reverts back to being and arse/repeat infinity). Kids i will have a conversation with myself. I just want to fast forward three months… thanks for all your advice x

Hello, just checking in. Im collecting the keys today. Im not moving in straight away, ill probably do it bit by bit discreetly! Need to get a few bits and bobs first.

I had a conversation with him at the weekend and mentioned the rental. He was upset. Im not 💯 sure hes taken it in and seems to be carrying on as normal. Except being on best behaviour and telling me he loves me etc

Ah this is so hard. Im still in limbo as hes not told anyone and i feel i cant until he fully ‘gets it’. Im waivering - one minute im set on going alone/next im considering staying together. I just feel utterly sick to my stomach

Aw no
I know how you feel but you are 100% doing the right thing
Even now I have wobbles but then my ex does stuff like last week when he asked to come back home and then ended up telling me I gave up too easily and I ended it over something so minor (7 years of alcoholism cumulating in him drinking in the morning with our 11mo!) and that our son will be so messed up and that when I tell him I left his dad because he's an alcoholic he will think I'm full of shit like everyone else does
He will do things to cement the fact you have done the right thing believe me.

@fedup078 its just sooo hard!

You are doing brilliantly OP. Well done on all you have achieved so far.
It's great that you have mentioned the rental. He won't believe you are actually going to move out as...well....he has talked you round with his bullshit so many times before.
Stay strong and keep imagining your lovely new peaceful home with you and the kids happy, calm and settled.
He made his bed by taking you totally for granted so now he will have to deal with the consequences.

Trust me it will be easier once you are settled
Now I just can't believe I put up with it for so long

Keep moving forward and dont look back.

You are doing the right thing dont fall for any guilt tripping he doesnt want to loose his easy life. You will be free to be happy again with your DC. Well done and good luck!

No his drinking and behaviour is not normal. I'd take half my money and move out with the kids. Youre in the perfect situation to access you're money to move. Can you really imagine your life with him until the day you die? You deserve so.much better and can do so much better away from him.

Sorry only just read all you're posts! Well done you. If you find yourself wavering things will go back to normal but you won't have your money to rent again. He ll make sure you can't access it again to make you stay. Move out, go for it. If in 12 months time you really want to go back to him, you can. But not the other way around. You deserve to be happy. Go for it. Best of luck

You are doing an amazing thing OP. By leaving this man, you are giving your children the best gift possible - a safe and stable home with a loving parent who puts their needs first.

It feels hard - of course it does, because it is a really difficult situation and you are in the thick of it - but you won't regret it for a second once you've gone

My ex just rang me and sounds half cut
🙄

You are 100 per cent doing the right thing OP. Please believe all the posters who are backing you to go through with leaving him.
You and your children deserve a better life, without this lazy, waste-of-space man.

Go forth and enjoy the rest of your life 💪💫