Husband wants to holiday alone

[Pippapeppa]

My husband has decided that he wants to go to a horse race meeting early on in the kids school summer holidays for 4 full days (3 nights), all in the working week.
This will mean that he's not around to help with childcare and I will have to take holiday off work (of which I get very little) to look after the kids. The kids are 12 and 10 so not little but also not old enough to be left alone all day.
He said that after that he'll be around to look after the kids over the Summer so I don't have to worry about it. (He's self employed so has a lot of flexibility)
It just really annoys me that he feels he can swan off to do something with friends and leave me to figure out the rest. He's suggested that the kids could go to my parents for a couple of days, which is nice of him, but I dont want them to feel like they're being used. He doesn't see his parents so no chance of asking them!
I have a responsible job and it just strikes me as unfair that he thinks he can swan off, whilst the kids are off school and leave me with it. But also meaning that I'll have to use up holiday that could otherwise have been spent doing something nice!
I always prioritise the kids so will end up just doing what's necessary to make sure they are okay but I really resent being put in this position.
I think it's selfish and looking out for himself instead of thinking of the whole family unit...

Get him to book holiday club

Can they go with him?

I think it's fine. It's only four days and it's important to have hobbies and friends. I wouldn't begrudge him this.

Yes have thought about that but definitely won't be the kids favourite thing so seems unfair on them! A possibility though..

Why can't he go? I don't see the problem? You can be an individual as well as a parent.
Why don't you do something with your friends at another time?
He has offered solutions but you don't want them.

I'm hoping he doesn't suggest this, they'll be lots of drinking so I'd worry about how well they were being looked after... also ideally I wouldn't want to be away from them that long...

If the children have a good relationship with their grandparents I don't see why they can't spend a few days with them?
He has given you a solution that works so isn't exactly swanning off and "leaving you to figure out the rest". Although if there's a huge back story here I do reserve the right to change my mind.

Meh I don't see anything terrible in this. Just book a spa break away with your friends on another date and leave him to deal with it all - that way you're even stevens! When kids are that age they aren't demanding in the way toddlers would be if he wants a couple of days away a couple of school drop offs and bath and bedtimes isn't the end of the world

@Pippapeppa

I think you should let him go. No biggie this trip after the last 18 months

Because if I suggested this in the middle of his working week he wouldn't accept it....
I'm the one who has to find a way to cope no matter what but the shoe is never on the other foot.

@Pippapeppa

Because if I suggested this in the middle of his working week he wouldn't accept it.... I'm the one who has to find a way to cope no matter what but the shoe is never on the other foot.

Well, he’s the one proposing going away, so surely it’s his job to sort out childcare, whether it’s holiday clubs, family or some other solution.

I think you are overreacting and being a bit miserable considering nobody has done anything for 15 months. He is not “swanning off”, he wants a few days away, has suggested a childcare option and has said he will use his flexibility to be around otherwise over the holidays.

Honestly I think you should be happy he’s looking after the kids for the rest of the holidays and you only have a few days to worry about. Imagine if his job wasn’t so flexible and he said he couldn’t look after the kids due to work . You’ve got options, even if the kids don’t like,spending time at their grandparents they’ll have to suck it up.

Yes you're right. But it's always assumed I will sort it and stupidly I do... I will ask him to on this occasion.

My DP goes to a horse racing thing every year. It's a tradition for him and his friends. But he always makes sure everything is in place for the family. It does sound like yours has thought about the kids but it's you who has said no to his ideas. Don't be a martyr! Just make sure you get some time off to yourself too.

This is the first holiday ever that he is taking responsibility for them, so I know exactly what it's normally like....a lot of juggling for me!!! And I've not took a break away to deal with it.
I will feel guilty for putting on my parents, they do look after the kids but usually on their terms not ours and he knows this!

Four days out the entire summer holiday for the kids to stay with their grandparents isn’t exactly onerous. It might not be the kids’ first choice, but it sounds like you’re being a bit of a martyr. So what if a kids club wouldn’t be their first choice? It’s for four days and then they’ve got the rest of the summer with their dad. Kids need to fit in around adult activities sometimes, rather than the other way around.

I thought you were going to say two weeks, but four days?! Big deal.

You seem to be running on guilt and anger that he is going away for a couple of nights. It's lovely that you always put your children first but you do have a life too. Let your husband go, let your parents take the reigns for a very short while and stop guilting yourself for leaving them with very responsible people. You can then start looking at having a wonderful long weekend away with your girlfriends and get planning. Your children are old enough to enjoy a new routine just for a bit. Otherwise just say to your hubby....have a fantastic time but you need to sort everything out with the children as I am working. I need your support for this for you to go away...then wave him off gladly. Just think about it, evenings on your own watching your own programmes on tele, star shapes in the bed and all sorts of refreshing behaviours whilst he is away.

Aren’t the kids at school anyway? So you have to take the afternoons off?
i think YABU if he covers all of summer holidays anyway.
Also your kids are older, surely they can go on playdates without you and are fairy independent at this age. You really need to take the full day off to supervise them?

In my view he can definitely go, but it’s his responsibility to sort childcare that means you don’t have to take annual leave. You should not have to use your annual leave to cover it. Do the children’s schools have holiday clubs, usually there is something they can go to.

Sorry just saw it’s in the summer holidays. Seriously this is no biggie: book a kids club (they will survive for four days) or a babysitter, book yourself a spa break with a friend another time.
Not a good look to be so resentful of four days away. It’s not such hard work with kids your age!

Am I the only person who thinks that 12 and 10 can be at home alone for a few days ? I wouldn't have had a problem with that.

I don’t get why you’re being a martyr about it. The kids aren’t babies

Either get a child minder/nanny cor four days, find a holiday club, or they go with him. It’s four days, it’s hardly going to be devastating for any of them.