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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need a hand hold

377 replies

iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 26/05/2021 18:38

After almost two years of bullshit I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm booked into a refuge through women's aid.

So why do I feel guilty? I feel deceitful. I feel like a terrible person.

OP posts:
Hotmess1 · 28/05/2021 08:19

OP you are simply amazing. The hardest part is done now - just think of what you have protected your children from in the future, and the amazing example you are setting for them. You are safe now, please stay strong and take care of yourself. You will be happy again xx

trevthecat · 28/05/2021 09:20

Hope you are ok this morning. Just take things slow. I'm so proud of you. You are free

mae2014 · 28/05/2021 10:15

Morning Flowers sending you lots of love. Take each minute, hour and day as it comes.
Hope you’re feeling ok this morning xxx

Queenie6655 · 28/05/2021 10:57

How are you?
Are you able to get out to buy a few more things to make life comfier for you guys?

iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 28/05/2021 13:17

I have new pillows! Big, thick, lovely pillows! Taking some adjustment having to walk everywhere now we don't have a car. My youngest asked me this morning as we struggled back to the refuge why we didn't bring our car bless her. More cleaning today!

He's absolutely lost his shit. Calling everyone I know and he's messaged me on every avenue that I forgot to delete or block

OP posts:
iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 28/05/2021 13:29

Also bought a mug for my coffee and am strolling around the flat in my leggings and bra because it's too hot. Small things.

OP posts:
DianeCherry · 28/05/2021 13:38

I've been following this thread and I'm so so pleased to hear your good news OP. Enjoy those lovely pillows and the wonderful feeling of being free! I've been there too. Well done and block all those other contact avenues!

FantasticButtocks · 28/05/2021 13:52

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

Also bought a mug for my coffee and am strolling around the flat in my leggings and bra because it's too hot. Small things.

It's FREEDOM! Bravo Brew

pheonixrebirth · 28/05/2021 14:14

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

Also bought a mug for my coffee and am strolling around the flat in my leggings and bra because it's too hot. Small things.
Congratulations!! YOU DID IT! I'm so happy to have seen your update. Your life is yours now, and every little thing like walking around in your leggings and bra, will become huge things. I've been reading this thread and literally holding my breath, praying for 1 that you got out and 2, that you got out safely. It'll still take time to get unconditioned (if that's even a real word?), but you've taken the biggest 1st step and got you and your girls away. 😊
Iworry2021 · 28/05/2021 14:14

I don't know you, but I'm so proud of you

mommybear1 · 28/05/2021 14:19

Fantastic news OP onwards and upwards hope you have a lovely night's sleep on your new pillows! You will all be super fit and healthy with all that walking 😁

FinallyHere · 28/05/2021 14:27

Glad to hear your update, and thinking of you in these early days of freedom.

Congratulations.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/05/2021 14:42

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

Also bought a mug for my coffee and am strolling around the flat in my leggings and bra because it's too hot. Small things.
New pillows and you can wear WHATEVER you want without someone invading your space. I'm so happy for you.

Please, please, please keep pushing through these next few days when your adrenaline inevitably dips a bit - you cannot go back to him no matter what he says or does.

Your girls sound so sweet and you can be a brilliant mum to them and a great example of being independent and not tolerating abuse.

So excited for you to sleep with your new pillows tonight!

Keep going Thanks

bigbaggyeyes · 28/05/2021 14:47

That really is so lovely to hear op.

Yay for pillows, leggings and bras 😁

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 28/05/2021 15:01

So pleased to hear your update - especially now you've sorted the pillow situation! And the freedom of wandering around the place knowing you're not going to be groped, should be the least you can expect in your own home. The little moments like this will make this all worthwhile. Flowers

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 28/05/2021 15:02

Please, please, please keep pushing through these next few days when your adrenaline inevitably dips a bit - you cannot go back to him no matter what he says or does. And this - if you feel yourself faltering please come back to this thread, reread your OP and everyone's responses to it, and know you've done 100% the right thing for you and your DDs.

OnTheHuntForAHome · 28/05/2021 15:15

Just been reading one of your older threads OP.

I am so pleased and proud of you.

He sounds absolutely vile, if you ever think about getting back with him please read your old threads.

Well done, you and your girls and free Star

iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 28/05/2021 15:21

I'm devastated. I had arranged for my youngest to still attend her school 2 days a week, they've said it's not allowed and if I dont follow their advice it then becomes a safe guarding concern. They want her to go to school here. We're not allowed to go to our home city at all so she can't even have her Friday night sleepovers at her nanny's house anymore.

My eldest is with her dad until Monday but our plan was for her to stay with her dad Monday - Friday and with me Friday-Sunday so that she didn't need to miss school. But now even that is a concern since my ex knows where he lives.

I honestly don't know what to do. I really dont want to change their school.

I am so fucking isolated here and any semblance of normality for us has been stripped away.

I have considered calling the police and asking them to remove the arsehole from my house and getting a restraining order so we can go home and things can go back to normal.

None of this is fair.

OP posts:
greyinganddecaying · 28/05/2021 15:28

OP - if it is your house then you should call the police & get him out. But do you think he would be a danger to you even with a restraining order?

Hen2018 · 28/05/2021 15:29

You can get an occupation order for the house, but that will take time. (My ex was threatened with an occupation order so eventually left the house voluntarily).

Sorry this part has not gone as you had hoped but this is temporary. Keep going!

Lougle · 28/05/2021 15:32

Your DDs will adjust and they will be happier if they have a home that is free from harm. Hang in there.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/05/2021 15:33

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

I'm devastated. I had arranged for my youngest to still attend her school 2 days a week, they've said it's not allowed and if I dont follow their advice it then becomes a safe guarding concern. They want her to go to school here. We're not allowed to go to our home city at all so she can't even have her Friday night sleepovers at her nanny's house anymore.

My eldest is with her dad until Monday but our plan was for her to stay with her dad Monday - Friday and with me Friday-Sunday so that she didn't need to miss school. But now even that is a concern since my ex knows where he lives.

I honestly don't know what to do. I really dont want to change their school.

I am so fucking isolated here and any semblance of normality for us has been stripped away.

I have considered calling the police and asking them to remove the arsehole from my house and getting a restraining order so we can go home and things can go back to normal.

None of this is fair.

Can your woman's aid contact go through all of your options carefully, with you, so you can think about it as practically as possible?

This is such a highly emotive time and I'm worried that if you go back to your normal environment too soon, he will manage to get back in with you as his behaviour was normalised in that environment.

Being in the refuge short term for a few weeks will allow you to remember how serious this is, how the abuse was so bad that they wanted you to leave the home immediately with your children.

I really think it's important to talk this through with women's aid and perhaps also the police so you really know your options.

Your girls safety is priority number one and that's both long and short term. Short term they need to be somewhere safe, long term they need you to not ever even entertain getting back in a relationship with this man.

I'm really worried that if you leave the refuge too soon, it will minimise the impact of how bad the situation got and risk it going back to business as usual.

I know you will say that won't happen, but (and I say this gently and from a loving place) you changed your statement for this man before and allowed him to get back with you and live with your kids, and multiple times you broke up then allowed him back in your life and their lives.

This time needs to be different Thanks

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/05/2021 15:35

@Hen2018

You can get an occupation order for the house, but that will take time. (My ex was threatened with an occupation order so eventually left the house voluntarily).

Sorry this part has not gone as you had hoped but this is temporary. Keep going!

This sounds like a great way of doing things and means that while you can't go back super quickly, you can stay well away from him and have some time to reset and not let him wrestle his way back into your head, heart or house.
RandomMess · 28/05/2021 15:35

Yes please talk it all through with your contact worker. Don't rush into decisions, keep your eye on the long term goal of being safe and free Thanks

iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto · 28/05/2021 15:56

@greyinganddecaying he would most certainly come to the house and make a nuisance. I don't think I can go back there just yet even if they allow it because I'm fairly sure he would harass me, possibly even put the door through. I'm just frustrated that he's in my lovely well furnished and comfortable home, and I'm here, bleaching the absolute shit out of the floors so Me and the children can walk round without worrying about catching athletes foot or something else to make today a little worse.

OP posts:
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