I need a hand hold

[iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto]

After almost two years of bullshit I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm booked into a refuge through women's aid.

So why do I feel guilty? I feel deceitful. I feel like a terrible person.

Thankyou. Now the kids are in bed and I'm just sat here I keep suddenly wanting to cry.
Sounds so pathetic but the pillows are utterly shit and even that's upsetting me. My lovely, comfortable, cosy home that I've had to leave and now I won't even get a good nights sleep. I feel fragile

Well done. You’ve done the right thing for your children. Stay strong

That's amazing news. One step to the next chapter of your life. A chapter you get to choose what happens, you get to adventure, your kids get to live safely. You have done the hard part... now you get to live!! Xx

Pillows you can fix! Tomorrow get yourself to wilkos. You can make this a home x

Well done OP as hard as it all feels right now this time tomorrow it will be better and then this time on Saturday it will be better again, and so it goes - it all adds up and you have done an awesome job protecting yourself and the girls - you can do this

It's ok that you feel fragile. It's one tiny step at a time.

Take it hour by hour if that's all you can manage.

I did it.

Super congratulations to you, very well done. Onwards and upwards from here.

Well done you, you've done brilliant. Everything else will now follow.

Step by step, hour by hour, day by day x

Very proud of you x

Hi. I went to a refuge myself with two young children. The first few days were awful. I missed him, I was scared, I was sad for my kids. He threatened suicide, me, smooth talked, cried... It was awful. But then I stuck to my guns. And it got better. So much better. Once you are out of the constant loop of walking on egg shells, being on your guard 24/7, trying to protect yourself and your kids, there's suddenly breathing space. And you start to see just how messed up some things were. And you breathe a little more, until it comes freely. And even the ups and downs of separation is easier to deal with than feeling unsafe in your home, all the time. And before you know it, a year has passed, and you see your kids do well, and you remember who you are. You are free, and safe. And it's all worth it, no matter how hard it is right now, or how hard it gets during the next little bit. I promise you, it's worth all of it.

@iwanteggfriedricefuckingpronto

Thankyou. Now the kids are in bed and I'm just sat here I keep suddenly wanting to cry. Sounds so pathetic but the pillows are utterly shit and even that's upsetting me. My lovely, comfortable, cosy home that I've had to leave and now I won't even get a good nights sleep. I feel fragile

It doesn't sound pathetic, it's natural.

But sharing a bed with a shit pillow is far preferable to sharing a bed with a man with a history of drug use and sex with prostitutes, a man who assaults women including you. A man whose assaults on women include touching their bodies repeatedly without consent and ripping their clothing for fun. Like he did yesterday. Which your little girl wasn’t even surprised by when she should be horrified.

You'll get nicer pillows soon, you'll get nicer everything soon. You cannot have nice things with him and your girls certainly can't.

Remember what your little girl said - love is nice. Love them, pity and despise him.

This is the first day of the rest of your life and a day your daughters will look back on as the day you chose them.

Don't look back

Never feel guilty for standing up for your values, it's never your fault if you have been taught to feel that way by a partner or anyone. All I can say is it's good that you are leaving that situation, you don't ever deserve to feel bad in your own home especially when you have given your body to having children and your emotions to someone who clearly you're too good for.

OP you are amazing! You’ve done the most incredible thing. I know your emotions must be all over the place right now but one day you are going to look back on this day and realise it was the best decision you ever made. I can imagine how the flat feels strange and a little sad compared to your old house. But a home isn’t walls and furnishings - it is a place where you are safe and happy (and free) with your lovely children. Try to look at what the flat represents and view it through that lens. Look after yourself these next few days and just keep moving forward

Very well done for getting yourself here. It may feel awful at the moment but, importantly, you are safe.

So a rubbish pillow yes, but also freedom.

Break it down into manageable bite-sized chunks. So - Just get through this evening for now. What could be a distraction for you until bed time? Anything on tv, or reading mumsnet threads, YouTube, something to eat? A call to a friend maybe.

You took a huge, brave leap today, so allow your next steps to be gentle.

Bravo

Just another random stranger coming on to say that you have done amazingly, it’s so wonderful to read that you’ve had the strength and the bravery to do this for yourself and your DC

So proud of you and your children will be too.

One step at a time

You made it. Try to stay strong and never go back. It only gets worse.

You are incredible

Well done

Things will be tough for a while but what you have done is amazing

You are such a brave woman, it's never easy breaking free but that's what you are now FREE.

It's gong to feel strange and it's going to feel scary at first but that fear will diminish and when that happens you will be able to think clearer than you have done in a long time.

Make sure to eat and drink well, it is a shock to the system you have been running on high octane for weeks preparing for this.

Try to relax and breath, I am so proud of you and so is everyone on this site, you are an inspiration to others suffering abuse.

You strong, strong lady, hold tight to that little girl, you really have done the best for her and for you.

The day I fled I hid for hours in a dirty dingy toilet with a small baby
Both of us screaming

But

Each day life got better and better
My life is heaven without abuse

What do you think about pressing g charges?
Why should he get away with this !!

You are very strong

Well done 🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️👏👏👏

I think it might be best to focus on getting through the next week and not getting hoovered back up by this excuse of a man, rather than anything longer term at this stage like pressing charges - and to discuss these with her women's aid contact when she feels a little less fragile. I think it might be too overwhelming at the moment to think about anything legal just in the immediate future while OP is getting her head around leaving.

You did amazingly to leave too, it's so brave

It's going to feel strange and it's going to feel scary at first but that fear will diminish and when that happens you will be able to think clearer than you have done in a long time.

You've been conditioned to feel that you get things wrong, but you got this completely right.
You've taken your girls and yourself away from a horrible situation.
You must be exhausted, especially after having to clean the flat. I hope you get a good sleep, regardless of the pillow.

Do not go back to him!
Think of your 7 year old!

Far better to rest your head on a shit pillow knowing your kids don’t see you be hurt, denigrated and abused in a “lovely home” again

You will rebuild your life and buy nice pillows. You will have to trust me on that one.

The sad fact is your home was a gilded cage. To your children a home is where their mum is safe and living on her own terms without any more of what you’ve been through and endured
You have taken that first huge step.
You need to live day by day for a while now and seize each minuscule victory. Every day is your best life compared to what was the road ahead with that msn

One day you will realise you are stronger and more capable or then you ever thought possible.

Try to unwind a bit tonight.
You’ve moved mountains today

Well done, OP!
Things will get better & better & you can easily get new pillows.

You have done something incredible today & you will be ok xxx

Sleep well tonight OP, you did so well today. A lovely bed to yourself without someone making you uncomfortable and scared and disgusted. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Freedom!