Abusive husband

[Stupidandold]

Apologies in advance for my rambling. My husband of 20 years has been abusing me again.
He blames me for everything that happens. It’s always my fault. This time I said he didn’t need a new tv just so he can play Xbox in better quality.
He called me a c**t, choked me and repeatedly slapped me.
I am so sick of it

Can you call the police? Women's Aid? Tell your family or friends?

I have in the past, he hit my adult son 3 years ago. we pressed charges and nothing happened. I’ve given up reporting it now

I have no family or friends apart from my adult children.

@TooMuchPaper thank you for replying it means a lot to think I’m not totally alone

Do your children live with you? If not, can you go and stay with them?

Please call Women's Aid. They will support you.

No they don’t live with me anymore. The reason he hit me is because he doesn’t like my grandson coming round and that I said that I didn’t think getting a new tv was a priority

One day he could kill you. Men who choke their partners have far greater stats leading to them going onto killing them.

OP why are you staying?
If you're sick of it, go stay with your kids, consult a lawyer and get free of him once and for all.

No one else is going to save you. Save yourself.

I have called women’s aid in the past. I couldn’t go into a refuge because of my son, so I stayed and got my son his own flat. I got into debt doing this, another reason for him to kick off with me

I’m going to be honest. I was a complete failure as a mother. I didn’t protect my boy fully and now he has to live with terrible mental health because I’m a dick

I’m kind of waiting for him to kill me. It will happen I think

I can’t burden my son or daughter with my pathetic life. I’ve already ruined their upbringing and by being a weak mother

So instead of leaving, finally being happy for the first time in decades and being there to support your son, you’re going to stay and let your oh murder you?

Call the police, urgently.

You need to report it every single time. Your dc will respect you more of you get out. Womens Aid?

I just needed to tell someone. Thank you for hearing me, it means more than you’ll ever realise

Yes

@LIZS

You need to report it every single time. Your dc will respect you more of you get out. Womens Aid?

I have called women’s aid before but because I had a son over 16 they couldn’t get me anywhere. I have spent my savings on getting him a flat.

It's not too late to heal your relationship with your children and help them heal in the process. Witnessing you break free of this abuse will show them how to be strong and give them hope that bad situations can be changed.

And how do you think your children will feel if he murders you?

Do you know that they will spend the rest of their life blaming themself for not finding a way to save you!

What you need to hear op, is: stop being so selfish. Yes. Selfish. You are wallowing in self pity to your own detriment just as you always have. Being a martyr.

If you truly feel you failed as a mother, stop failing now. Pick your ass up and get the fuck away from a man who has abused your kids.

You know what the biggest kick to your children is - you staying with their abuser. Not the failure of the police, not your failure to protect them back then. Your failure right now.

Get some damn self respect and grow a pair.
Get out of there.

Speak with womens aid, the police, the council to see what you are entitled to and reach out to anyone who is good and will support you. But most of all, get a grip and move your ass.

@Mydarlingmyhamburger

So instead of leaving, finally being happy for the first time in decades and being there to support your son, you’re going to stay and let your oh murder you?

Yes, I see this as a relief if he kills me

Can you stay with your son seeing as you paid for the flat. Failing that go to Boots and ask for ANI.

Hi OP, do you feel able to ring Women's Aid today? It doesn't matter if you weren't able to go to a refuge before, they will be able to talk to you about your options now. The main thing right now is to tell them how at risk of being hurt or killed you feel.

@Umberellatheweatha

And how do you think your children will feel if he murders you?

Do you know that they will spend the rest of their life blaming themself for not finding a way to save you!

What you need to hear op, is: stop being so selfish. Yes. Selfish. You are wallowing in self pity to your own detriment just as you always have. Being a martyr.

If you truly feel you failed as a mother, stop failing now. Pick your ass up and get the fuck away from a man who has abused your kids.

You know what the biggest kick to your children is - you staying with their abuser. Not the failure of the police, not your failure to protect them back then. Your failure right now.

Get some damn self respect and grow a pair.
Get out of there.

Speak with womens aid, the police, the council to see what you are entitled to and reach out to anyone who is good and will support you. But most of all, get a grip and move your ass.

I went to the police 3 years ago and women’s aid. I am still waiting to be rehoused and I think that there must be others in need more than me. I was and am a shit mother. I apologise a lot for being so weak. I wish I could be brave, but I see no way out

You've done great to get your son out of the house now it's your turn OP. It must feel pretty hopeless and overwhelming right now but there are people who want to help you. Just take one step today, and then another one tomorrow with their help. You can do it.