Hi lovelies... first post on here and feeling very fragile at the moment.
DH had been strange with me for the last 6 weeks - distant and then crying uncontrollably saying that he doesn’t have an identity anymore and didn’t know what he wants in life. I asked if it was a problem with us and he said it’s ‘everything’ in life. I thought maybe depression/early mid life crisis. This carried on for a few more weeks of weird behaviour/staying out late/drinking a lot.
3 weeks ago he went away on his own for the weekend to have ‘time to think things through’ and returned on the Monday without his wedding ring on saying that he needs to be out of the relationship for his mental health and that I’ve treated him like crap for years and we no longer want the same things or make each other happy.
This absolutely hit me like a train.
I have not been easy to live with... my hormones are always up and down, I’m depressed, I’m always trying to make everything perfect for everyone but go about it the wrong way and then get really sad when it goes wrong, and my temper can go 0-100. I’m always hugely apologetic afterwards but I can’t seem to hold it in.
I have a full time job which pays for the house and all bills. He is self employed so we ‘live’ off his money as it fluctuates each month. I do all the ‘life admin’ stuff... all paperwork/money/grown up stuff, he does the cooking.
He works hard in a physical job, and is overall a fantastic husband. He is there for me when s**t hits the fan and is always able to balance me out, he has completely been my emotional crutch over the years which must have taken a toll on him altho he always appears to be Teflon coated.
Over the last few years I’ve become increasingly upset that he doesn’t seem interested in me... hes always on his phone, very secretive with it (I was never allowed near it), obsessed with social media, didn’t want to socialise with me in the evenings, and certainly never ever wants to talk.
I like to talk about our relationship and make sure everything is ok but he gets frustrated and will ignore me/give me the silent treatment if he doesn’t want to give a proper answer. I think we often both feel undervalued by each other. I try all the time to find fun things to do together, weekends away, walks etc but he doesn’t seem very interested in my company, certainly not if I try and talk!
I’ve been so upset over the last two months as his behaviour has changed - more distant, ‘popping out’ and not coming back until late. Working long hours to avoid being at home, rolling over in bed with his back to me while he’s on his phone. He has been confiding in female ‘friend’ that he met at work for the last few months and when I saw a message pop up on his phone he quickly swiped it away and said he didn’t want me to see the messages/he didn’t want to hurt me.
It transpires that he has opened up to her about our relationship issues and she is supporting him through this as a friend.
I also found out that she was with him on his weekend away camping to ‘think things through’ that absolutely broke my heart.
He says they are just friends but he moved out of our house after his announcement and I’ve found out that he is currently staying with her and her young son. I asked him and he said she is ‘one of the lads’ and is just good company to support him through all of this.
I have never experienced heartbreak before and I am totally overwhelmed by it... I cannot shake the guilt that I have totally ruined his life and the only way out was to leave me/our house/our future (we were due to start IVF in the next few months)
I’ve driven him away and he was the best thing that ever happened to me... how do you cope and carry on forward? He’s unwilling to give things a second chance and it’s absolutely killing me, I’ve booked in for counselling and on anti depressants from the doctor but I can’t imagine a life without him. Does this pain ever end? Xxx