Is it just me or does most men suck?

[peanutttttt]

Exactly just that. I really hate dating now a days, because you just never know if someone's intentions are genuine. Like how do you know anymore? Men of all ages just suck and at this point I have given up. I went on a date with this man, the connection was great before the date and the date was great. I even got a kiss at the end of it but never heard from him again. Like how weird! I don't dwell on it. It's just annoying I wish people would be honest now. I can't stand it. How's everyone else's dating life going? Because my love life is an absolute joke.

@TorringtonDean

As someone said earlier, the way many men try to evade their financial responsibility towards their children when they leave a relationship is scandalous - and yet they get no condemnation from society. All the tut-tutting is about lone mothers - who are usually the ones who stand by their kids. And this is how male-dominated society has always operated. Women were either wives and mothers or whores and those who chose to try and go it alone were witches. Nothing has changed.

This! Too bloody right! Damn bloody hard raising kids by yourself. Why are they condemned when men who fuck off and leave their kids and don't pay go untainted!

@PaperMoonshine

Not just you.

I'm mid 40s and have a couple of 'lovers'. Much better way to go

I'm doing this!

They are mostly twats and I simply cannot be bothered to train another one. I'll stick with cats.

@TomPinch Sometimes I wonder if Paul had some deep rooted reasons why he said this....like maybe he wanted to increase the pool of single women for some reason? I'm interested in people's motives, even if they're espousing ideas I agree with or want to believe.

@TomPinch

Paul Dolan:

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Dolan_(behavioural_scientist)

Tl/dr his claims are contentious and probably hyperbolic.

Well his claims certainly hold true for me every woman in my family and almost every woman I’ve ever met who seems to be a whole lot happier single than with a man .... so personally I think he’s right

[quote EarthSight]@TomPinch Sometimes I wonder if Paul had some deep rooted reasons why he said this....like maybe he wanted to increase the pool of single women for some reason? I'm interested in people's motives, even if they're espousing ideas I agree with or want to believe.[/quote]
I think the reason is more prosaic: he wanted to make a name for himself.

He may be right, but the quality of his work doesn't depend on that but whether his interpretation of the data is defensible. I get the feeling that he's deliberately overplaying his hand

I’m sure there are also some men who have come out of relationships that weren’t working, are not manchildren, haven’t cheated, are responsible fathers. Don’t use OLD, don’t use sex sites, don’t use porn or pay prostitutes for sex.

Who want to remain unattached, throw their energies into other things and are as sick of the OLD dating zoo as most women are.

Granted, the number is very, very, very small.

Oh great another one of these threads with everyone complaining about men.

@Hulmeert

Oh great another one of these threads with everyone complaining about men.

... and it's so fucking boring too !.

Read The Women's Room. It was written in the 70s. Although things are better for women now in some ways, not that much has changed in terms of the way men behave. It is depressing.

I have been doing OLD on and off for the last 16 years. I had two LT relationships from it that didn't work out, not because they were twats, just different wants. Dates I had from OLD were also fine, not really a problem.

I've just gone back after a three year break from last LT. I've met someone (we are both 'mature') we click, just click, feel like I've finally found the other half of me. I'm not doe eyed, been around the block (several actually) and have set my stall upfront. I won't accept any shenanigans. I'm in the luxurious position of not giving a fuck, this helps massively.

I don't invest my heart anymore, and will NOT allow mind games, I protect myself completely.

The guy I'm seeing might turn out to be a right twat, but he has been informed of my high level twat radar, and that is always running in the background.

I hope I come back to this thread in a year and say "he's still not a twat"..🙏🏼

My DH is lovely. Great fun, really good dad, supportive of me, helps out, earns 4x what I do but everything is joint, not a nasty bone in his body.

I'd say the same for my dad, step dad, FIL and one of my grandfathers.

In fact most of the men I know now are really nice. Reliable family men who have been with their wives for 20+ years.

But obviously they aren't the ones on the market.

I also think that many of us women choose badly. In my 20s everyone wanted the ultra charming witty guy who was the centre of attention or vain Mr buff and sporty. The nice, quieter guys, who weren't flash or arrogant, struggled to get a look in.

Yet the more emotionally secure, 'straighter' men are the ones that have made the best husbands.

Nobody is perfect, but they've been mature enough to work through problems rather than run away. Their wives are women not dolls, they don't expect waxed perfection.

So Mr Nice Guy not Mr Flash is who we should be looking for.

DH has a really lovely friend that he met through work. He is not good looking and is very shy. However he is really funny when you get to know him and is a very loyal friend. He is still single in his 40s. When I had a colleague who was desperate to find a partner I told her about him but she wasn't interested. Not good looking enough to even meet him.

So a really nice guy gone to waste while better looking shits get date after date. Shame.

It's not just you. I haven't met a man I wanted to date for at least five years.

They are either looking for free meals and someone to organise their life, or a source of sex without any kind of relationship. I find both extremely tedious.

On the other hand, maybe they find my expectation of what I think of as a normal relationship, unreasonable. Life is far too good to waste, putting up with a selfish bore so until I meet a decent one, no thanks.

@Hulmeert

Oh great another one of these threads with everyone complaining about men.

Just try not being like that 🤷🏻‍♀️

The biggest thing I find is ridiculous expectations of me as a woman. Many men my age (40s) or older seem to assume women demand high incomes, flashy cars, and loads of gifts and that their failure to find a 'decent woman' is because they don't deliver these. When, in fact, I don't demand any of those things and, in all cases, its this attitude that is stopping them from forming a relationship rather than women's expectations.

I just want someone who treats me like an adult and who can have a conversation without everything I say passing through their She's a Woman so She Must Really Mean... filter.

I dated a man who was 10 years older than me. He was mostly disgruntled that women in their 20s and early 30s expected to only date 50something men who were tall and wealthy. Well, if you're going to be shallow in your pursuits of love, you're only going to find people who are equally shallow.

Lovers are definitely the way to go. Especially ones that let the dog out for a wee, make you a cup of tea and lock the door on their way out at 11pm so you can stay tucked up in bed.

Now that is my idea of the perfect relationship 😊

@Mintjulia
They are either looking for free meals and someone to organise their life, or a source of sex without any kind of relationship. I find both extremely tedious

So true - dated a man for 6 months and he ran off (was cheating) with his PA because she made his lunch, cooked meals, looked after his 8 year old and organised his work life - I am not wasting any more time or money investing in a relationship

Lovers are definitely the way to go. Especially ones that let the dog out for a wee, make you a cup of tea and lock the door on their way out at 11pm so you can stay tucked up in bed

That sounds like bliss to me.

A couple of ladies at work have done or doing online dating sadly there's lots of married men pretending to be single on these sites. What happened to good old fashioned romance

My friend found her husband was on a dating site - saying he was single looking for some fun - I would not trust dating sites heard some horrific stories from friends about men just wanting sex and saying the most sordid vile things

Sadly definitely not just you. I’m with @PaperMoonshine much easier.

@whiteroseredrose

My DH is lovely. Great fun, really good dad, supportive of me, helps out, earns 4x what I do but everything is joint, not a nasty bone in his body.

I'd say the same for my dad, step dad, FIL and one of my grandfathers.

In fact most of the men I know now are really nice. Reliable family men who have been with their wives for 20+ years.

But obviously they aren't the ones on the market.

I also think that many of us women choose badly. In my 20s everyone wanted the ultra charming witty guy who was the centre of attention or vain Mr buff and sporty. The nice, quieter guys, who weren't flash or arrogant, struggled to get a look in.

Yet the more emotionally secure, 'straighter' men are the ones that have made the best husbands.

Nobody is perfect, but they've been mature enough to work through problems rather than run away. Their wives are women not dolls, they don't expect waxed perfection.

So Mr Nice Guy not Mr Flash is who we should be looking for.

DH has a really lovely friend that he met through work. He is not good looking and is very shy. However he is really funny when you get to know him and is a very loyal friend. He is still single in his 40s. When I had a colleague who was desperate to find a partner I told her about him but she wasn't interested. Not good looking enough to even meet him.

So a really nice guy gone to waste while better looking shits get date after date. Shame.

This all sounds lovely but surely you need to be sexually attracted to your date? Do I really need to choose between a nice man and one on physically attracted to?

@lothermand

I have been doing OLD on and off for the last 16 years. I had two LT relationships from it that didn't work out, not because they were twats, just different wants. Dates I had from OLD were also fine, not really a problem.

I've just gone back after a three year break from last LT. I've met someone (we are both 'mature') we click, just click, feel like I've finally found the other half of me. I'm not doe eyed, been around the block (several actually) and have set my stall upfront. I won't accept any shenanigans. I'm in the luxurious position of not giving a fuck, this helps massively.

I don't invest my heart anymore, and will NOT allow mind games, I protect myself completely.

The guy I'm seeing might turn out to be a right twat, but he has been informed of my high level twat radar, and that is always running in the background.

I hope I come back to this thread in a year and say "he's still not a twat"..🙏🏼

I heartily relate. It made me chuckle as I too have a twat test, and do not give a fuck, which feels empowering. Really hope this new one works out

Avoid OLD, avoiding dating. Avoid men on OLD apps.

My DH is lovely. Great fun, really good dad, supportive of me, helps out, earns 4x what I do but everything is joint, not a nasty bone in his body.

*I'd say the same for my dad, step dad, FIL and one of my grandfathers.

In fact most of the men I know now are really nice*

I can say the exact thing except in reverse...every single one of them (family members) were/are emotionally unintelligent and/or abusive in one way or another.