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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would this bother you

121 replies

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 12:54

It was my birthday the other week, my partner treated me to some expensive ear rings diamond cut as I was trying them on I said their lovely, he replied yeah they should be for the fucking price of them, I felt a bit like that wasn’t necessary to say that as if he was having a go at me because he bought them, also that same week we were lying in bed in the morning and I casually said to him shall I get something nice for dinner tonight he was moody and replied no I’m staying at home tonight for dinner, I didn’t have a problem with that but we hadn’t discussed it and the fact he was moody made it worse, we hadn’t rowed infact that same morning he woke up and we had sex then fell back to sleep, not sure why he’s behaving like this.

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theworks · 17/05/2021 12:55

How old is he? He sounds immature.

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 12:57

He’s 49

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GroovyPeanut · 17/05/2021 13:02

Did you say that you wanted the earrings ( had you seen them and said "I would like those?"
Or did he choose them as a surprise gift?
The reason I ask, is do you think he's got into debt buying them?
The dinner subject, again do you think he was eating at home, as he thought you'd maybe want to buy something special and he'd have to contribute, or that you wanted a takeaway?

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 13:05

No they were a complete surprise, even so I wasn’t expecting him to answer me like that.
And he knew I was going food shopping I was just going to pick us something up to eat I would have paid for it he knew that.

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theworks · 17/05/2021 14:10

@Lookafteryourself

No they were a complete surprise, even so I wasn’t expecting him to answer me like that. And he knew I was going food shopping I was just going to pick us something up to eat I would have paid for it he knew that.
I would find this off putting tbh. Think it depends how invested you are already, how long have you been together? Importantly are these isolated incidents or are there other things that he does/says that you think hmmmm...

At 49 the moodiness would really piss me off. No time for that.

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 14:27

We’ve been together 2 years, well on an evening if he’s coming to mine for dinner we can’t eat till about 20-15 as he gets in from work around 6 then he has to go on Facebook, then he has to walk his dog shower by this time it’s getting on for 8 and I’m starving! But I’ve always just put up with it and thought well he’s been work he has to get in and unwind, once I made a lovely lasagna couldn’t have it until 20-45! As he took his dog for a longer walk even though he knew I was cooking.

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Guiltypleasures001 · 17/05/2021 14:31

Wow he sure thinks he's something special doesn't he

What an arrogant dick wad
Give him back the earrings and find a grown up to date
Not some who thinks he's Joe Pesci in a Mafia movie

Aquamarine1029 · 17/05/2021 14:31

I'd be telling him to return the fucking earrings. What he said was horrible, and what was his point exactly? To make you feel bad that he spent money on you?

Fuck that guy, he sounds like a prick.

FuckyouCovid21 · 17/05/2021 14:35

@Lookafteryourself

We’ve been together 2 years, well on an evening if he’s coming to mine for dinner we can’t eat till about 20-15 as he gets in from work around 6 then he has to go on Facebook, then he has to walk his dog shower by this time it’s getting on for 8 and I’m starving! But I’ve always just put up with it and thought well he’s been work he has to get in and unwind, once I made a lovely lasagna couldn’t have it until 20-45! As he took his dog for a longer walk even though he knew I was cooking.
Nobody needs to go on Facebook and him staying out longer with the dog knowing you wanted to eat was just a dick move. I wouldn't have been impressed with his comment about the earrings either.

It's a nope from me

seensome · 17/05/2021 14:36

I couldn't stand being with someone so moody, I wouldn't tolerate the behaviour and if he wants to eat late then tell him to reheat it later.

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 14:38

Well what exactly started it off was some earrings I’ve had from Claire’s accessories have turned brown like rusty and I said hopefully these won’t, he replied well they shouldn’t for the fucking price of them does that still seem a wrong thing to say? I did feel bad that’s exactly how he made me feel.

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Thinkaboutthings · 17/05/2021 14:41

Why did he bother spending a lot of money and then sound like he begrudged it? I’d rather not have the earrings. I feel for you as he sounds horrible. Being with someone moody is awful.

litterbird · 17/05/2021 14:41

Can I ask what the rest of the relationship is like? You seem to be bending to him and not standing up for your own needs.

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 14:41

@seensome

I couldn't stand being with someone so moody, I wouldn't tolerate the behaviour and if he wants to eat late then tell him to reheat it later.
I always enjoy us eating together though
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HollowTalk · 17/05/2021 14:43

He sounds awful. Seriously. Would you accept behaviour like this in a friend? Have you always had boyfriends who've made you feel bad, so that you think that's just what they're like?

blacksax · 17/05/2021 14:45

You are setting your bar really low aren't you?

Mermaidwaves · 17/05/2021 14:46

He sounds a delight! I would eat without him, why does he get to dictate? Leave him cold leftovers then he might start getting the idea.

seensome · 17/05/2021 14:49

I don't think he enjoys eating with you though, only on his terms when he's done looking at fb etc your the last priority, put your foot down more.

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 14:52

@Thinkaboutthings

Why did he bother spending a lot of money and then sound like he begrudged it? I’d rather not have the earrings. I feel for you as he sounds horrible. Being with someone moody is awful.
I really don’t know it’s been bothering me loads
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ItsCokeFFS · 17/05/2021 15:10

He sounds like a knob.

He doesn't "have" to go on FB when he gets in. He chooses to.
Just eat when you want to.

OTOH, your OP says that you said the earrings were lovely, but in a subsequent post you say that you received some diamond earrings and told him that you hoped they didn't go brown like the Caire's accessories ones.

That's pretty rude and I woud have been pissed off too.

ItsCokeFFS · 17/05/2021 15:11

*Claire's.

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 15:13

@litterbird

Can I ask what the rest of the relationship is like? You seem to be bending to him and not standing up for your own needs.
He’s always bought me expensive items treats me etc I’ happy in some ways but not when he’s like this.
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Regularsizedrudy · 17/05/2021 15:14

Sounds like a miserable bastard. I’d bin him and the earrings.

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 15:15

@ItsCokeFFS

He sounds like a knob.

He doesn't "have" to go on FB when he gets in. He chooses to.
Just eat when you want to.

OTOH, your OP says that you said the earrings were lovely, but in a subsequent post you say that you received some diamond earrings and told him that you hoped they didn't go brown like the Caire's accessories ones.

That's pretty rude and I woud have been pissed off too.

Do you mean I was being rude or him?
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Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 15:17

@HollowTalk

He sounds awful. Seriously. Would you accept behaviour like this in a friend? Have you always had boyfriends who've made you feel bad, so that you think that's just what they're like?
Yes to be honest I thought I had found a good one.
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