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Original poster

Would this bother you

121 replies

Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 12:54

It was my birthday the other week, my partner treated me to some expensive ear rings diamond cut as I was trying them on I said their lovely, he replied yeah they should be for the fucking price of them, I felt a bit like that wasn’t necessary to say that as if he was having a go at me because he bought them, also that same week we were lying in bed in the morning and I casually said to him shall I get something nice for dinner tonight he was moody and replied no I’m staying at home tonight for dinner, I didn’t have a problem with that but we hadn’t discussed it and the fact he was moody made it worse, we hadn’t rowed infact that same morning he woke up and we had sex then fell back to sleep, not sure why he’s behaving like this.

OP posts:
litterbird · 17/05/2021 15:23

You seem to be blinded by the expensive gifts he gets you rather than how you really feel about him. I sadly think your bar was so low before meeting this recent one you have only lifted it an inch. I think he is just going to get worse and you are going to bend even further. I hope you can work on your self esteem and find someone who cherishes you and treats you well.

RealisticSketch · 17/05/2021 15:34

Very ungracious gift giving. Assuming it wasn't a tongue in cheek sarcastic remark said with humour, but was a sour remark I'd have just given them back and said I'd rather not have a gift if it comes with a dose of bitter resentment.
I think it is a clue to his character. Not an appealing one either. He is inconsiderate and though maybe generous with his cash not generous in spirit. Moody too. It'd be like dating a teenager. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 15:35

Everything has to be on his terms he dictates when he stays at mine if his sons there to look after the dog he will stay at mine, if not I have to stay at his although I think this is reasonable is it?

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Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 15:40

@litterbird

You seem to be blinded by the expensive gifts he gets you rather than how you really feel about him. I sadly think your bar was so low before meeting this recent one you have only lifted it an inch. I think he is just going to get worse and you are going to bend even further. I hope you can work on your self esteem and find someone who cherishes you and treats you well.
I think you are right I try to please him as much as possible just to avoid arguments as when we argue he ignores me for days.
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RealisticSketch · 17/05/2021 15:40

If it is an easy going mutual understanding that the dog can't be left alone and you don't want the dog at yours, so his place makes sense, of course it's fine, as it is just an unavoidable limitation. Unless he's rude about it with a 'like it or lump it' attitude, then that's different.

Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 15:40

@RealisticSketch

Very ungracious gift giving. Assuming it wasn't a tongue in cheek sarcastic remark said with humour, but was a sour remark I'd have just given them back and said I'd rather not have a gift if it comes with a dose of bitter resentment. I think it is a clue to his character. Not an appealing one either. He is inconsiderate and though maybe generous with his cash not generous in spirit. Moody too. It'd be like dating a teenager. Fuck that for a game of soldiers.
No it definitely wasn’t said in humour
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RealisticSketch · 17/05/2021 15:41

Ignores you for days! That's not exactly a constructive dispute resolution is it. 🙄

Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 15:44

@RealisticSketch

Ignores you for days! That's not exactly a constructive dispute resolution is it. 🙄
I know it really pisses me off I’ve called him before like 30 times in one day and he totally ignored me
OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 17/05/2021 15:48

If this is real, it's not good OP. He's not treating you well and isn't making you happy, so end it.

user1471457751 · 17/05/2021 15:52

I was with you at first about the earrings but with your follow up post, I don't see what he did wrong. You criticised his gift (making a comment about how you hope these don't ruin like your earrings from Claires) and compared his gift to a really cheap brand. I think him making a jokey comment about the cost is fine in that context and I wouldn't have blamed him if he was upset with your comment. You were rather rude.

Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 16:22

@ItsCokeFFS

He sounds like a knob.

He doesn't "have" to go on FB when he gets in. He chooses to.
Just eat when you want to.

OTOH, your OP says that you said the earrings were lovely, but in a subsequent post you say that you received some diamond earrings and told him that you hoped they didn't go brown like the Caire's accessories ones.

That's pretty rude and I woud have been pissed off too.

I never meant to be rude to him.
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Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 16:24

But I didn’t set out to be rude

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Bluntness100 · 17/05/2021 16:28

@Lookafteryourself

But I didn’t set out to be rude
Maybe he didn’t either? To be honest if I bought my husband something expensive and he said “I hope they don’t fall apart like cheap crap from primark” I’d be pretty offended. And that’s pretty much what you said.
Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 16:31

I meant it as every time I’ve bought earrings from Claire’s they’ve gone brown, I was very grateful for them and would never intentionally be rude to him.

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Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 16:34

I couldn’t stop looking at them all day he knew I was very grateful

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Lovelydiscusfish · 17/05/2021 16:38

Yeah, if I had bought my partner something expensive and they compared it to something from a cheap brand I might be a bit needled, depending on how it was said.
And I might respond with a comment like his. I wouldn’t sulk about it for ages tho (can’t stand sulking). And I see why you are a little put out by just suddenly finding out he wasn’t coming to dinner, if you were expecting him. Tho that alone, again, wouldn’t be worth falling out over....

With all the ignoring etc tho, he does sound like a bit of a dick.

JerushaSturgis · 17/05/2021 16:44

Yeah, can't be doing with a sulking man child. Give him back the earrings and bin him.

Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 16:44

It was said in general conversation

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Spied · 17/05/2021 16:47

I'd rather wear rusty old earrings for the rest of my life than be saddled with this guy and his gifts.

Whydidimarryhim · 17/05/2021 16:52

Look op it’s not just the earrings is it - he dictates everything - you are already appeasing him too. He ignores you - if he doesn’t get his own way. He sounds resentful and he is very selfish.
Ignoring someone means he’s unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way.
This is who he is - he won’t change.
You need to decide how much more you will compromise to be with him and what you will put up with.

Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 16:57

@Whydidimarryhim

Look op it’s not just the earrings is it - he dictates everything - you are already appeasing him too. He ignores you - if he doesn’t get his own way. He sounds resentful and he is very selfish. Ignoring someone means he’s unable to resolve conflict in a healthy way. This is who he is - he won’t change. You need to decide how much more you will compromise to be with him and what you will put up with.
He only ignores me when we argue
OP posts:
Naimee87 · 17/05/2021 17:27

Perhaps you mentioned this somewhere above but how come you can't all eat together and take the dog out together in the evenings? And the whole 'facebook' thing is also a little odd too. Sure people need 'down-time' after work but surely his down time could be spent with you, he seems to have his priorities a little strange. I think the comment about the earrings he bought seems to have been used out of context and has somehow ended up comparing two completely different things with each other that were never meant to be compared. I think there was never any bad intentions on your part. The moodiness must be to do with something else but he seems to be letting it out on you. Do the good parts outweigh the confusing and bad parts here? Hope you're OK!

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 17/05/2021 17:27

It's irrelevant if you were rude about the earrings, because even a broken clock is right twice a day. He was bound to kick off over something reasonable at some point.

The main issue is that you are not happy, many things piss you off and make you angry, he gives you the silent treatment, he calls all the shots, you're already walking on eggshells and trying to avoid confrontation,changing your behaviour etc. Do you seriously see yourself living like this for years and year? Because he won't change.

pinkypink24 · 17/05/2021 17:31

""I couldn't stand being with someone so moody, I wouldn't tolerate the behaviour and if he wants to eat late then tell him to reheat it later"
I always enjoy us eating together though

You are enjoying the crumbs he gives you op.

Original poster
Lookafteryourself · 17/05/2021 17:38

@Naimee87

Perhaps you mentioned this somewhere above but how come you can't all eat together and take the dog out together in the evenings? And the whole 'facebook' thing is also a little odd too. Sure people need 'down-time' after work but surely his down time could be spent with you, he seems to have his priorities a little strange. I think the comment about the earrings he bought seems to have been used out of context and has somehow ended up comparing two completely different things with each other that were never meant to be compared. I think there was never any bad intentions on your part. The moodiness must be to do with something else but he seems to be letting it out on you. Do the good parts outweigh the confusing and bad parts here? Hope you're OK!
Because it would mean he would have to pick me up after work I don’t drive then back to his sort the dog out etc then back to mine, it just seemed simpler if I stayed at mine and did the cooking so he’s not driving around so much.
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