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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Turn on or not?

113 replies

Beadsandfelts · 12/05/2021 19:25

DH says the following type of things to me and I don’t really like it, but I don’t know if it’s how men in relationships talk to women and if most women would like it?

  • I want to slip you a length
  • I’ve got a present for you in my trousers
  • get your knickers off and lie back and think of England for three minutes
  • I want to knock the back out of you
  • you’re mine and no one else gets a go on you
  • this is a nice piece of ass
  • once I’ve had the snip you’ll be like my little sex slave

It gives me the ick. I actually think it’s more than that, I feel like I’m property.

OP posts:
something2say · 12/05/2021 19:27

You are right, it's not very nice at all. Have you said anything to him?

DrSbaitso · 12/05/2021 19:29

It doesn't matter whether it works for others, you don't like it and that's what's important. Have you told him you hate it?

(Also, it is objectively horrible.)

Original poster
Beadsandfelts · 12/05/2021 19:31

No but it makes me feel horrible, it makes me feel threatened I think.

OP posts:
MozzchopsThirty · 12/05/2021 19:33

Hideous, my exh used to say stuff like this and it just put me off

Quartz2208 · 12/05/2021 19:34

I read the first two and thought ok they are not to my humour but not too bad, Then I read on and they got progressively worse until the last one which is awful - sounds like he wishes to rape you in all honestly

So no most women wouldnt like it and frankly I couldnt be with someone who saw me in that way as his property

fruitloop2021 · 12/05/2021 19:35

You're not alone. If my DH started saying stuff like that sex would be off the cards for good.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/05/2021 19:37

I really hope you're joking. If not, he's disgusting. I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.

Original poster
Beadsandfelts · 12/05/2021 19:38

I’m glad it’s not just me.
I keep gaslighting myself and thinking it’s how men are but I don’t like it and I don’t like the tone of it. I don’t like the feeling as though I am a possession and that’s how it feels. I’ve had previous partners ‘talk dirty’ but somehow that was different although I cannot exactly articulate why.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 12/05/2021 19:38

Yeah that’s really grim. Why can’t you tell him you don’t like it?

Jellykat · 12/05/2021 19:39

Wow, Billy big bollocks isn't he... that would give me the ick bigtime and a few choice words in return.. gross!

peboh · 12/05/2021 19:40

Does he know you don't like when he talks to you like that?

Original poster
Beadsandfelts · 12/05/2021 19:41

He’ll say ‘whose is this nice piece of ass? It’s my nice piece of ass’
🤢
I don’t know where to start with him tbh and I’ve worried that it’s me, not him.

OP posts:
SparklingStars10 · 12/05/2021 19:41

No my husband doesn’t say anything like that to me, it sounds like he sees you as a sexual object. I think some serious words with him need to be said here.

category12 · 12/05/2021 19:41

If you feel threatened by what your DH is saying to you, then there's something seriously wrong in your relationship.

I can see that in some relationships, this kind of talk might be funny to the couple - I can't imagine it ever being sexy.

But again, if you feel threatened by your dh, you need to be thinking about making your exit.

Changemaname1 · 12/05/2021 19:42

Yikes! Am fairly open minded ha ! But talking like that would make me cringe like hell! 🤮

BurbageBrook · 12/05/2021 19:43

Sooooo gross. Sometimes my DP and I make jokes about ‘dick’ and being a piece of ass... For a laugh precisely because they are so gross! Cannot imagine any of those comments being in any way seductive. Envy Just awful!!

Enough4me · 12/05/2021 19:44

It's disgusting... all about him using you rather than words to turn you on. He's not talking about seducing you, or your pleasure he is talking about using you like a sex toy. When he's in bed is he demanding and offensive?

category12 · 12/05/2021 19:45

It's very violent in tone and reminds me more of what unpleasant blokes shout out of car windows at women than what a man says in a relationship.

CatherinedeBourgh · 12/05/2021 19:45

It’s grim. Would put me off ever having sex with him.

YouShouldLeave · 12/05/2021 19:46

🥴🤢🤮

Bluntness100 · 12/05/2021 19:46

Yeah that’s a eugh from me. Does he watch a lot of porn?

Was he like this before you married him?

Wearywithteens · 12/05/2021 19:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

TheJackieWeaver · 12/05/2021 19:46

My vagina closed up just reading that.

Does he think it’s sexy? How does he respond if you tell him it’s horrible?

Original poster
Beadsandfelts · 12/05/2021 19:47

Yeah me too category
He still thinks it’s funny that he went into McDonald’s when he was in his 20s and he and his mates said to the woman serving ‘kate? That’s a nice name. What’s your other tit called?’ because her name badge was on one of her breasts.

OP posts:
takemetothelakes · 12/05/2021 19:48

Absolutely repulsive. My and my partner might have have a joke about sex but neither would say anything like that.

I honestly couldn't be with someone who thought like that about women, let alone vocalised it.