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Original poster

Turn on or not?

113 replies

Beadsandfelts · 12/05/2021 19:25

DH says the following type of things to me and I don’t really like it, but I don’t know if it’s how men in relationships talk to women and if most women would like it?

  • I want to slip you a length
  • I’ve got a present for you in my trousers
  • get your knickers off and lie back and think of England for three minutes
  • I want to knock the back out of you
  • you’re mine and no one else gets a go on you
  • this is a nice piece of ass
  • once I’ve had the snip you’ll be like my little sex slave

It gives me the ick. I actually think it’s more than that, I feel like I’m property.

OP posts:
bumblenbean · 13/05/2021 00:56

Christ OP his comments are probably the unsexiest thing I’ve ever heard, particularly in the context of you strongly disliking it. I quite like a bit of ‘dirty talk’ myself, but this is just grim. The comment to the McDonald’s worker is the icing on the cake.

Your title asks if it’s a turn on- all that matters is if it’s a turn on to you and it’s quite clearly not. Quite the opposite - you say it makes you feel like ‘property’. Please don’t feel like this is somehow your fault for not finding his repulsive attitude a turn on.

How is the relationship aside from the sex? Does he make you happy? Is he kind and loving? Unfortunately I’m imagining not Sad

ArcheryAnnie · 13/05/2021 00:56

...and I've just seen you have kids.

It's not easy being a single mum - I won't lie, and I am one. But it's a hell of a lot easier than being with a man that treats you like this.

And if you won't get rid of this awful man for your sake, get rid of him for your kids' sake. Your relationship with this man will model for them wnat a relationship is. If you have daughters, they will think this normal and allow it to be done to them. If you have sons, they will see your H as a role model. You do not want this for either of your babies, believe me.

AnotherSunrise · 13/05/2021 01:27

Perhaps he's being lighthearted

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2021 01:33

So he takes pride in intimidating and sexually harassing minimum wage females who can’t really retaliate.

In a group of men. Poor bloody Kate. I'm sure she hated every second of that. But you're the one stuck with him.

Plan your escape.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2021 01:34

@AnotherSunrise

Perhaps he's being lighthearted
Rape jokes are hilarious Hmm
ArcheryAnnie · 13/05/2021 01:39

@AnotherSunrise

Perhaps he's being lighthearted
Lets say he is being lighthearted! If he is (and it's a big "if") then there's two options:

One, he's being lighthearted, and he isn't paying any attention to his partner, and so misses that she finds it a massive turn-off, and yet he expects to have sex anyway, not having paid any attention to whether his partner is in the mood or not.

Two, he's being lighthearted, and knows full well that his partner finds it a massive turn-off, and yet he expects to have sex anyway, knowing his partner is not aroused.

Neither of these two scenarios reflect well on this "lighthearted" man.

Nancydrawn · 13/05/2021 01:40

OP, what do you say when he says things like this?

And what would he do if you said, "Please don't talk to me like that"?

1forAll74 · 13/05/2021 01:47

It's not what you could call nice sex talk, this is more like something that comes from an uncouth,low brow person, and grim and disrespectful.

GroovyPeanut · 13/05/2021 02:06

I've got images in my mind of him snapping the elastic on his Y-fronts at the foot of the bed.

I am cringing for you OP. I'd agree with others he watches a lot of porn.

If he's looking for name badges I think he'd be a prize tit.!

MsDogLady · 13/05/2021 05:07

OP, have you written about him previously?

Sakurami · 13/05/2021 05:31

Yuck. Don't have sex with him again - tell him that his vile comments have turn you off him forever and that he is a crap lover and you will no longer be a blow up doll for him. No foreplay and comes in 3 minutes???

sarahc336 · 13/05/2021 06:03

Nope do not like this at all, "knock the back out if you" I mean who even says that??😏

midnightstar66 · 13/05/2021 06:24

I doubt telling this man it's a massive turn off will reverse this ingrained misogyny. This isn't just a clumsy attempt at talking dirty, it's who he is!

Iwanttoliveinnarnia · 13/05/2021 13:28

Yeah he's vile🤮

wingsnthat · 13/05/2021 13:32

His comments are borderline rapey though, sex slave, knock the back out of you and lie back and think of England? Isn’t that an euphemism for unpleasant/painful sex for you?

wingsnthat · 13/05/2021 13:33

Also what do you mean he doesn’t have time for porn? It takes seconds to open a website on his phone, and probably 30 seconds for him to wank if he only lasts 3 minutes with you

PussGirl · 13/05/2021 13:38

You deserve much better than this!

My DP will occasionally leer & make crude comments about my figure but it's a joke that we both find funny. He is not lazy or selfish in bed, or at all, really

Quirrelsotherface · 13/05/2021 13:39

All for dirty talk but that's just unintelligent, thick as pig shit talk. All of those would be a total turn off for me.

Quirrelsotherface · 13/05/2021 13:41

I've got images in my mind of him snapping the elastic on his Y-fronts at the foot of the bed

😂

LittleCatDog · 13/05/2021 13:43

These made me laugh out loud! Is he saying them seriously, they surely can't be meant seriously. Maybe he thinks it's funny, if my DH said anything like that I would assume it's a joke and laugh and expect him to laugh. I can't believe he would be saying that thinking it's turning you on.. if he is being 100% serious that's just ridiculous. How do you react, have you tried laughing in his face?!

Anordinarymum · 13/05/2021 13:44

@Beadsandfelts

DH says the following type of things to me and I don’t really like it, but I don’t know if it’s how men in relationships talk to women and if most women would like it?
  • I want to slip you a length
  • I’ve got a present for you in my trousers
  • get your knickers off and lie back and think of England for three minutes
  • I want to knock the back out of you
  • you’re mine and no one else gets a go on you
  • this is a nice piece of ass
  • once I’ve had the snip you’ll be like my little sex slave

It gives me the ick. I actually think it’s more than that, I feel like I’m property.

If my bloke said any one of these I would literally PSML.
Meowchickameowmeow · 13/05/2021 14:19

Eeeww, that's the least sexy talk I've ever heard. Does he think you like it? He sounds revolting, sexist and a bit of a knob.

cookiecreampie · 13/05/2021 14:25

Me and my husband sometimes say this type of stuff but it's more tongue in cheek and light hearted with us both mutually flirtatious. I don't find it threatening. I think if he's not respectful to you in your day relationship generally then it's not OK.

tuttifuckinfruity · 13/05/2021 14:38

Bloody Nora Shock

No, it's not a turn on. It's vile.

He lasts less than 3 minutes, no foreplay, doesnt like oral sex. Doesn't sound like he has a clue what he's doing, to be honest.

How old is he, how long have you been together?

Is he like this all the time?

He's either utterly vile, or he's a nice guy who is utterly clueless, sexually.

19Bears · 13/05/2021 14:42

He sounds like an absolute child. How unsexy could one man possibly be???!! This reminds me of the time I should have seen a red flag with my now DH. This was 16 years ago, we hadn't been going out long and we went to the Lakes, and he made the toy rabbits shag each other (along with a horrible cringey sound) in the Beatrix Potter shop.
We haven't had sex for 10 years Hmm

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