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Original poster

Would you take this as a compliment or an insult

105 replies

Sparkles556 · 12/05/2021 07:47

I’ve posted a couple of threads in the past regarding dp but I’m at the point now where I seriously need to have a long hard think about our relationship and what I want. We had this conversation last night (I’m the first person)
“My mum said it looks like I’ve lost a little bit of weight”
“Where?”
“I don’t know she didn’t say”
He didn’t say anything for a few minutes then said
“I was looking at pictures from a few years ago (we were in salou this time 3 years ago) and you’re not as fat as you were back then but you’ve got more cellulite now”
He seems to think this was a compliment but I’ve taken it as the total opposite. I have very little confidence in myself, but lately I have seemed to gain a little bit but now I’m back to having none at all after that conversation. I don’t know if I’m being sensitive and I should take it as a compliment like he says

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparkles556 · 12/05/2021 07:53

As I said I know I’ve posted quite a few things on here about him and I’ve had a few people saying leave him, but this really is the last straw for me. I just need to know is in the right

OP posts:
isthismylifenow · 12/05/2021 07:55

No, I would not take that as a compliment.

I think it might very well be the cherry on the top OP. I haven't read your other posts but it sounds like you have reached that point.

Beamur · 12/05/2021 07:56

I think that's what I would call a back handed compliment. It's half a compliment, but then throws in a negative remark as well.
A compliment would have been to agree that you are slimmer and leave it there.

Singlenotsingle · 12/05/2021 07:59

It's not a compliment. He's a bit too direct isn't he? Just insensitive. Maybe he wasn't taught any manners when he was a child. I wouldn't be pleased if someone said that to me.

LubaLuca · 12/05/2021 08:01

That's not a compliment. It's pointing out the undeniable, then quashing any positive you could have taken from it. A mean trick, I think.

DoubleHelix79 · 12/05/2021 08:01

Unless you are the sort of couple who like to gently tease euch other about any flaws (and you both understand that it is meant lovingly) this is not a compliment. It might be factually correct but not the sort of thing I'd say to a partner who struggles with self confidence. Does he often minimise your feelings?

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 12/05/2021 08:07

That's just nasty.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 12/05/2021 08:11

What an insensitive prick

Anydreamwilldo12 · 12/05/2021 08:13

He's a arsehole trying to make you feel bad after your Mam has said something that has made you feel good about yourself.

It was deliberately nasty.

redcarbluecar · 12/05/2021 08:19

If you frequently invite comment about your weight/cellulite, perhaps his observations are understandable- otherwise insensitive.

TeeBee · 12/05/2021 08:32

No part of that comment is a compliment.

Purplecatshopaholic · 12/05/2021 08:37

Not a compliment. No sensible bloke is going to tell someone they have more cellulite, and think that’s a nice thing to say….

AlmostSummer21 · 12/05/2021 08:39

It's NOT a compliment
You're no AS fat

  • he thinks of you as far
  • he thought you were fatter in the past

AND - he's highlighting your cellulite.

It's nasty, not a compliment.

A better response 'ah that's nice, I love you exactly as you are'

I wouldn't leave him over it, but given what you say about your other posts....

My EX once said something horrible about my body and despite this being years ago now, it still pops into my head from time to time.

sunrayscome · 12/05/2021 08:40

I would have been offended

Shemeanswell · 12/05/2021 08:55

As Anydream says: he was deliberately nasty as your mum had said something nice to you. He wanted to pull you down a peg or two, back to his level.

I had a (massively insecure) ex that used to do this. I dreaded him hearing compliments about me as I knew he’d be nasty later.

I’ve not read your other threads, but if it’s more of the same, get rid. They don’t get better.

Branleuse · 12/05/2021 08:56

its a bit of a weird thing to say. I think a lot of people dont really get the correct thing to say when discussing someones weight with them though. Sounds like you started a conversation about your bodysize and weight and he failed to give the compliment or reassurance you wanted, so it sounds kind of rude, as most people would know that when a woman says something like that, she wants you to say something nice.

I wouldnt like it, but it would depend if he really never made me feel good or boosted my confidence, or whether he just misread the room

messybun101 · 12/05/2021 10:33

You were right to be offended.
That's not a compliment. It's not even half a compliment it's an insensitive prick saying
'I don't agree, or believe the compliment your mum gave you. so I'll look it up. Oh now I've seen photos I stand corrected. You're fat just not as fat. But that cellulite...eeeekk!!'

Prick.

And I have never ever come across a response to 'so and so says I've lost weight' to be 'where?' - pfftt what a wanker!

Wuurg · 12/05/2021 10:37

He sounds horrible.

PriestessofPing · 12/05/2021 10:37

No I would not take that as a compliment! I’d take that as someone trying to put me down.

autumnalrain · 12/05/2021 10:37

It’s not a compliment.

However, it looks like you were fishing for compliments which is never a good idea. Based on his track history what were you hoping to achieve by starting that conversation?

HollowTalk · 12/05/2021 10:39

He didn’t say anything for a few minutes

That's when he was working out how to make you feel bad about yourself.

wombatspoopcubes · 12/05/2021 10:45

OP, you don't have to look for last straws. If you think that you are happier or more content/peaceful without him then that alone is reason enough to end the relationship.

Dacquoise · 12/05/2021 11:09

He sounds very literal with not much emotional intelligence so hasn't considered the effect of his words on you. Does he really not know this would upset you?

However, if you are sensitive about your weight, he's probably the wrong person to have a conversation with. Ideally he would be sensitive and supportive of you. He obviously isn't and probably never will be.

TheVanguardSix · 12/05/2021 11:10

Need you ask, OP?
What a dick comment.

UghJustSoPredictable · 12/05/2021 16:18

It's not a compliment but it's hard.

What was he supposed to say?