Would you take this as a compliment or an insult

[Sparkles556]

I’ve posted a couple of threads in the past regarding dp but I’m at the point now where I seriously need to have a long hard think about our relationship and what I want. We had this conversation last night (I’m the first person)
“My mum said it looks like I’ve lost a little bit of weight”
“Where?”
“I don’t know she didn’t say”
He didn’t say anything for a few minutes then said
“I was looking at pictures from a few years ago (we were in salou this time 3 years ago) and you’re not as fat as you were back then but you’ve got more cellulite now”
He seems to think this was a compliment but I’ve taken it as the total opposite. I have very little confidence in myself, but lately I have seemed to gain a little bit but now I’m back to having none at all after that conversation. I don’t know if I’m being sensitive and I should take it as a compliment like he says

He's pissing on your parade... Wouldn't do for you to feel confident in yourself...

@Erolg

If you have no confidence in yourself that is on you. No one can give you confidence , that can only really and truly come from within. If he said one day you look amazing and you loved that and the next day he said you weren’t looking that great and you felt hurt . That is entirely of your making. No one and I mean no one can give another real confidence, acceptance etc. That really comes from the love and respect of yourself. If you need the validation of others then you’re doing yourself down. There is only one of you and you’re unique. It doesn’t matter what others think of you at all. Your beautiful as you are and always remember that. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror then you have the choice to change. Do things for yourself and not others. I believe in you.

Sorry, nice sentiment but as PP said totally unrealistic. Of course if your partner i(or someone who love, respected and who's opinion you held dear) said 'you don't look great today' you would be upset. And it wouldn't be 'on you' to not be hurt by it.

Sort of throwing it all back at the OP here when her DP clearly was unkind

Very well meaning but misplaced advice

@Anotheruser02 thank you

Your Mum is trying to build up your confidence but partner just wants to knock it down. Not a nice way to live.

Not a compliment and either he’s insensitive or did it on purpose - neither of which is nice tbh.

Firstly, you're not being unreasonable to expect some level of validation from your partner who SHOULD find you attractive. (Obviously it's best to be able to validate yourself, but I still think it's nice to know that your partner finds you attractive!)

Secondly, that was a really nasty thing for him to say. Your mum paid you a compliment, you were feeling good about yourself, and he wanted to knock you back lest you start to believe you're a nice looking person and get ideas above your station. (Your station being him). If you'd asked for an honest critique of your flaws then fair enough but anyone with any sensitivity would agree you were slimmer, maybe tactfully could even say yes you are slimmer but let's both try to tone up as we get older etc.

Also I've just seen you gave birth 10 weeks ago! And his comment makes me even angrier.

Believe your mum, and don't let him drag you down emotionally

Omg you gave birth 10 weeks ago! What a wanker! That's even worse!

Yeah the fact you only just gave birth makes everything he said even worse x a million.

Utter prick. Normal men/people do not say things to hurt a partner they love unless by sheer accident. His was calculated.

Man's a nasty dickhead.

Yeah, especially nasty post-partum!

Sounds like on other threads MNetters have advised you to LTB - suggest that was good advice!

He is an Adonis OP?
Has he won any Mr Universe awards?
Do birds suddenly appear every time he is near?
Maybe point out ( in a “nice” way) a few of his imperfections .. and then dump his sorry arse!!

@GalaxyGirl24 thanks so much, I won’t do anymore

Then you have the same issues I am afraid.

He sounds awful. You deserve better OP please leave him

@Sparkles556 💐

It doesn't sound like either a compliment or an insult, but simply an observation. Especially hearing that you've bit long given birth it's normal to observe changes in your body but there's no reason to misconstrued it as a out down

I'm sorry what now?

This is my very first but very justified LTB!!
Not acceptable!!!

LTB.

Please.

I just saw your update that you are 10 weeks post partum...I'm sorry for my comment...he is a dick!

@mammaohohohoh oh it’s fine

People in general are so rude about weight. I've lost 3 stone over 2 years. Mainly because I was anemic and off my food. But also through my tummy shrinking I've gone back to eating as normal but less.

My mum was always on at my weight before. Now I'm "skinny" everytime I go round she's like jeeeez even your legs are skinny now. Then puts her lip up. She always used to comment on my big legs before and made me feel horrible then. If I put a photo up on Facebook it's oh your face is less fat now.

You can't win in this world. But what you can do is remind them of their flaws. Tell them you are happy as you are thanks!treat yourself to something nice to wear and keep being you (as cringe as it sounds) it is so annoying to hear. Your fat. Your skinny. Are you eating? Oh you can wear a dress now. Bla bla bla.

Guess what now I'm skinny I have excess skin lol! Can't win literally. But I look better in clothes now. .

People are never going to change unfortunately xx

I thought he was a dick before you even mentioned you had a baby 10 weeks ago. He's a horrible dick