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Original poster

Would you take this as a compliment or an insult

105 replies

Sparkles556 · 12/05/2021 07:47

I’ve posted a couple of threads in the past regarding dp but I’m at the point now where I seriously need to have a long hard think about our relationship and what I want. We had this conversation last night (I’m the first person)
“My mum said it looks like I’ve lost a little bit of weight”
“Where?”
“I don’t know she didn’t say”
He didn’t say anything for a few minutes then said
“I was looking at pictures from a few years ago (we were in salou this time 3 years ago) and you’re not as fat as you were back then but you’ve got more cellulite now”
He seems to think this was a compliment but I’ve taken it as the total opposite. I have very little confidence in myself, but lately I have seemed to gain a little bit but now I’m back to having none at all after that conversation. I don’t know if I’m being sensitive and I should take it as a compliment like he says

OP posts:
UghJustSoPredictable · 12/05/2021 16:19

It's not a compliment but it's hard.

What was he supposed to say?

Original poster
Sparkles556 · 12/05/2021 16:33

@UghJustSoPredictable Well something other than putting me down about something I wasn’t even talking about

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparkles556 · 12/05/2021 16:42

@UghJustSoPredictable Well something other than putting me down about something I wasn’t even talking about

OP posts:
ALittleBitConfused1 · 12/05/2021 16:47

I'm assuming he's perfect. It's his way of pulling you back down, it suits him to have you feel shite.

5128gap · 12/05/2021 18:09

I think he was either being deliberately unkind, or is very stupid indeed. Unless he's been living under a rock he would know that 'you have more cellulite' is not something most women would queue up to hear. He is either incapable of the mental gymnastics required to understand this would upset you, or he did it on purpose. Only you know which is most likely.

ScabbyHorse · 12/05/2021 20:57

Is he an image of perfection himself? Sounds neggy. I can't stand neggy.

OnlyHerefortheBiscuits · 14/05/2021 11:06

How spiteful.

NewMatress · 14/05/2021 11:11

It's not a compliment but it's not horrible either, it's just a conversation.

Finding understand why women orchestrate these kinds of conversations if they don't want an honest answer.

Cowbells · 14/05/2021 11:13

I've no idea what else he's done or said but no way would I leave a man for telling me I had lost weight or gained cellulite if it was true.

I can't stand how women refuse just to accept their bodies as they are but expect people to tiptoe around their insecurities. I'm fat. I know it. I speak very openly about it if it's relevant and no one ever says 'Oh no you're not' because we all know it's not true. Not expecting other people to make me feel better helps me take responsibility for being overweight.

But if you are within your healthy BMI and he is the one initiating comments about your weight/body shape etc, in order to put you in your place - that would be a different matter. I'd be packing my bags before he'd finished the comment.

Original poster
Sparkles556 · 14/05/2021 11:29

@NewMatress I didn’t ask for his opinion on it though. If he’d have said he disagreed with the comment then fair enough, but to put me down about a different flaw I think was out of order. Maybe I’m in the minority of people who think it’s wrong to make your partner feel insecure about their looks.

OP posts:
Sacreblue · 14/05/2021 12:00

There’s a balance though Cowbells, OP/her mother were talking about weight, the partner agreed weight was lost, bringing cellulite into the conversation was unnecessary unless OP had asked ‘but how about my cellulite?’

I know a ‘speak the truth’ person who tags on negative truths about others but is very prickly about the same being done to them, so to me that suggests a powerplay, not ‘just’ an honest answer to an asked question.

Truth and tact together are fine, truth with a side dish of snark, not so nice ime.

Sakurami · 14/05/2021 12:05

Deliberately putting you down.

He does agree that you've lost weight so could have said, yes, your mum is right, you've lost weight since our holiday in salou.

You're slimmer than 3 years ago in salou etc.

He didn't need to say 'not as fat' and why bring up cellulite when it is irrelevant? Even skinny models can have cellulite so it isn't and indication of being overweight.

Someone who loves you is encouraging and tactful and makes you feel good about yourself.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/05/2021 12:08

There's no way that could be construed as a compliment? Confused

Notagain20 · 14/05/2021 12:15

He sounds horrible. Absolutely horrible. I'd expect my dp to tell me it doesn't matter what size I am, and definitely to not notice something like cellulite! Your partner should make you feel good about yourself,otherwise what's the point?

I'm glad you recognise that this is crap behaviour from him,OP

Notagain20 · 14/05/2021 12:16

He sounds horrible. Absolutely horrible. I'd expect my dp to tell me it doesn't matter what size I am, and definitely to not notice something like cellulite! Your partner should make you feel good about yourself,otherwise what's the point?

I'm glad you recognise that this is crap behaviour from him,OP

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/05/2021 12:29

No it’s not a compliment.
Although it isn’t a put down or insult either because cellulite is genetic and appears because you lose weight, so cellulite is not a flaw in my opinion, but rather concrete physical evidence you have lost a noticeable amount of body fat.

I think you started the conversation to fish for a compliment from him and are simply upset because he gave you an honest, factual response instead of something less sincere and gushing. I don’t understand why some women start these kinds of conversations.

Original poster
Sparkles556 · 14/05/2021 12:43

@PlanDeRaccordement I didn’t fish for a compliment at all. I told him a comment that my mum had made. What’s wrong with that? And even if it was fishing for a compliment what’s wrong with wanting one from your partner?

OP posts:
Cowbells · 14/05/2021 13:41

@Sacreblue

There’s a balance though Cowbells, OP/her mother were talking about weight, the partner agreed weight was lost, bringing cellulite into the conversation was unnecessary unless OP had asked ‘but how about my cellulite?’

I know a ‘speak the truth’ person who tags on negative truths about others but is very prickly about the same being done to them, so to me that suggests a powerplay, not ‘just’ an honest answer to an asked question.

Truth and tact together are fine, truth with a side dish of snark, not so nice ime.

Good points. All true.
ThursdayWeld · 14/05/2021 13:43

You brought up the subject of your weight. If you do that, surely you should be prepared to hear a comment about it?

BillMasen · 14/05/2021 13:47

Weight is a minefield. There is very often no right answer, nothing you can say that would be correct, no way to be honest, and no way to not offend your DP.

He was clumsy but probably feeling the pressure and got it wrong

BillMasen · 14/05/2021 13:49

@Notagain20

He sounds horrible. Absolutely horrible. I'd expect my dp to tell me it doesn't matter what size I am, and definitely to not notice something like cellulite! Your partner should make you feel good about yourself,otherwise what's the point?

I'm glad you recognise that this is crap behaviour from him,OP

You can expect all you like but it’s really unfair if you blame him for noticing something and/or not saying exactly what you think he should
ThursdayWeld · 14/05/2021 13:49

I never, ever bring up the subject of my weight with my DH.

If he asked me about his, I would be honest. What's the point in giving a compliment where one isn't due?

Original poster
Sparkles556 · 14/05/2021 13:51

@ThursdayWeld If I’d have said “my mum said my cellulites gone better” then I’d understand his comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparkles556 · 14/05/2021 13:52

Ok I’ll accept that I’m in the wrong

OP posts:
mammaohohohoh · 14/05/2021 13:56

I understand why you are upset, he should try to be more tactful. But it is definitely not a reason to end a relationship? Or it would be for me...but I haven't read your other posts, I'm just going on this one.

If his comments upset you could you see this as motivation to improve your figure so you feel better about yourself? I mean that in the nicest way possible...