Made a mistake DH will be so mad can't sleep

[JuneBugHug]

DH runs a business and as it's gotten bigger he's needed more and more help with it.

I've been trying to help as much as I can around my own work for the past couple of years and more so recently whilst I've been on maternity leave.

One of the things I do is give him all the orders from his website so he can go off and do them.

I've just found out following an email from a customer that 4 were missed and not given to him and so haven't been done.

I feel so sick, he's going to be so, so angry about it. I'd not long given birth at the time so I'd obviously just missed them and haven't checked for a while that they had been done.

He's so stressed with work at the moment and little things like this just tip him over. It's either going to mean extra rushed worked for him which will stress him out more or refunds.

I've messaged customers involved and apologised profusely for the oversight but I'm just waiting for DH to wake up and see the emails.

I can't sleep. Can anyone talk to me?

What a nasty sod. This is something he could automate, it's not usual in business to have to have someone passing on orders. What a horrible man

The underlying issue in the thread is that you have a nasty abusive 'D'H emotionally and financially which has made you so scared to admit an innocent mistake to him, it's kept you up at night. A truly loving and understanding partner wouldn't make you feel that way. Do with mine, and most other's opinion on this thread what you want...

Reposting:

If you visit Boots in town and ask for ANI, their branches have consultation rooms in which access can be gained to services like Womens Aid.

@LalalalalalaLand123

OP, none of this is good - your DH shouldn't be shouty at you if you made a mistake soon after giving birth for goodness sake! Nor should he be doling out small amounts of money to you, you should have equal access to family money. And nor should these small amounts he doles out to you be dependent on you working for him! The whole set-up sounds appalling, like you're some kind of servant who looks after the DC and works in the business but don't get to share in its success equally, plus he gets aggressive towards you if you make any mistakes . Honestly OP, I can't see any good in this relationship if it continues like this.

I agree with this. He should be supporting you and the baby regardless.

What he's doing is totally abusive.

Please consider if this is the type of man you want to influence your children. It is bad enough he is shouty and threatening but to badly influence and affect an innocent child's life as well..

OP, have some hugs. You shouldnlt have to tip toe around anyone like this

I wouldn't stay married to a wanker who shouts at me and treats me worse than an employee when we should be partners. You've just had a baby - looking after your baby is more than enough and that is why we have maternity leave.

And he shouldn't punish you financially. You should be a family with equal rights and share over family money. Because just because you grew your baby and look after your baby doesn't make the baby any less his - you are both parents.

He should not be "shouty" either to you as his partner, or to any employees or business partners (which you effectively also are).

Everyone makes mistakes. Even him.

Without wishing to increase a deceit (when there shouldn’t be any. We’d to tiptoe around him) have you also deleted them from the ‘deleted emails’ folder of that email account ? Easily forgotten.

‘Need’ not ‘we’d’.

As you are married, any money he or you make is joint family money, that you should have equal joint access to. There is no his money or your money. Sounds like both of you need to see that. Likewise, you have a child between you, so when you go back to work, childcare should come out of a joint account, all bills likewise. Doesn't matter whether anyone puts less or more in than the other.
That he pays you at all shows that you do not have access to everything as you should, therefore, he is financially abusing you, values himself more highly than any contribution you make.
If he wants to 'pay' you with money that is already yours anyway, playing that game, he should pay you for looking after your child and any cooking and cleaning and washing you do, as it's all work that other people do as jobs and get paid for.
Otherwise, down tools, no household tasks, he can pay a cleaner, employ a cook, get a maid and an au pair. Why should you do all this for free? Now do you see how wrong this is?

That's why people have maternity leave. If he's employing you he should have arranged for maternity cover.

If you're just helping out as best you can just after you've had a baby then he needs to very supportive of you. It's a mistake yes but an understandable one.

He's not employing you, OP, is he? You just work for free, or some pocket money he may or may not give you.

It is not ok that your husband would be shouting at you for a mistake when you are also minding your (plural) baby.

If this was a mistake in a company that you were working for, but wasn't your husband, it would not be acceptable for him to shout at you.

Your situation sounds complex and you need to ensure that your husband is equally responsible for caring for your child if you are going to be responsible for paying bills etc.

You can't do everything and then deal with his shitty attitude while you try to.