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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

New Fab & Glam (Part 2 - happy endings?!)

1000 replies

Baffy · 15/11/2007 10:08

Lets hope this is the thread where we all find our happy endings

OP posts:
Baffy · 28/11/2007 14:35

thank you

it made me mad too - I just knew that it was coming though. I knew he'd want some sort of reaction/support/dialogue with me today as he'll be finding it hard. I have finally worked out how his brain works!

Although come to think of it, that's cause for celebration in itself!

OP posts:
Dior · 28/11/2007 14:36

Message withdrawn

Tanee58 · 28/11/2007 15:50

So, Baffy, how are YOU going to celebrate your anniversary? Ritual burning of wedding photos, perhap?

Baffy · 28/11/2007 16:10

hahaha tanee that does sound like a good idea!

but I look gorgeous on them so couldn't bring myself to do that!

am going to drop the papers round to H. then go home and have my favourite tea with ds (and a large glass of wine!). bath ds and settle him into bed. then mum has said she'll babysit

NM is going to be at the pub watching the football so once ds is asleep he said to go and meet him at the pub and he'll take me out for a few drinks!

so should be a nice night.

as long as I keep my phone switched off!

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 28/11/2007 16:27

No, mustn't ritually burn nice photos of yourself - (one of my friends celebrated her divorce by dyeing her wedding dress black and wearing it to a Hallowe'en party as a witch! )

Yeay, celebrating with NM - that sounds the ticket . Have a fantastic time (hope you like football )!

Baffy · 28/11/2007 16:34

am hoping it will be finished by the time I get there so I get his undivided attention

luckily NM at least supports the same team as me and my family! that was an issue between me and H for our whole relationship!

see... finding more positives!!

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 28/11/2007 17:29

That sounds a good enough reason to divorce . Whom do you support? (says she who is SOOO interested in football, she doesn't even know who is playing tonight !)

Paddlechick666 · 28/11/2007 20:36

baffy, hope you don't read this tomorrow and you're having a great time out tonight. it's nearly half time eh!

i'm guessing NM is a reds man? my first team but these days i am special one.....

no more word from my H, about rediscovered wedding rings or anything else for that matter.

exchange scheduled for friday, completion monday.

keep everything crossed for me!

Raffaella · 28/11/2007 20:37

Have a great night Baffy.

What was that text about fgs? Enjoy the next stage of your life.

Baffy · 29/11/2007 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TimeForMe · 29/11/2007 09:33

Well done Baffy. That can't have been easy for you but, you did really well

Things may be 'ok' between you again, one day, but, things will never be the same.
He isn't living in the real world at the moment is he? It hasn't actually dawned on him that this is not a game you are playing, that you mean business. He is still playing his victim card. Good on you for not falling for it, for staying strong xx

TimeForMe · 29/11/2007 09:34

PC I've got everything crossed for you xx

Tanee58 · 29/11/2007 11:21

PC, everything crossed here too - difficult typing with crossed fingers !

Baffy, it must have been hard - but wtf - it sounds like he put you through HELL last year, so it's time he did some crying - made me think of the Julie London song, 'Cry Me a River' - you certainly cried a river over him. Time reality kicked in for him. Anniversaries are horrible. This year was the first time in five years that I actually forgot it was my wedding anniversary. For the past four years, I've done a little bit of grieving - it's sad when a marriage fails, even if you know it's the right thing. ..

Fubsy · 29/11/2007 13:14

Well done baffy, that must have been hard, but you were really brave, especially to see him face to face.

Some people just want to have their cake and eat it dont they.

PC - hope the ecxchange goes thro OK!

Baffy · 29/11/2007 13:19

Thanks everyone

Feeling so low today. Worse than I've felt in a long time. Hope it gets better soon.

PC I definitely have everything crossed for you. It must be so exciting. Enjoy every minute!

(Is it tomorrow that H comes round?)

OP posts:
Tanee58 · 29/11/2007 13:26

Sorry Baffy . Hope you'll feel a bit better soon. It feels a bit like a death, doesn't it?

I've just had a bit of a shock - was eating my lunch and reading the local paper, and was faced with a photo of one of my schoolfriends - we'd known each other since we were 10 but lost touch about 15 years ago when she failed to turn up to inspect dd and I never saw her again. She's just died suddenly. She was only 49, about 2 weeks older than me. It's made me feel mortally creeping up. It was an interesting friendship - she would blow hot and cold, and she could be very annoying, but she was had a great social conscience (ex-local councillor, hence the newspaper article) - and 49 is far too young to die. Feel very odd

Baffy · 29/11/2007 13:40

Oh no tanee so sorry to hear that
It's such a shock when people our own age die isn't it. Just awful.

I agree it is a bit like a bereavement. Sometimes I fall asleep, and when I wake up, for those first few seconds, everything is fine. I'm sleepy, relaxed, content... Then it all hits me again and I have to find the way to put a smile on my face and get through the day. All I feel like doing right now is sleeping.

12 months on I think I've fully come to terms with what he's done, who he's become etc. Coming to terms with the divorce is a whole different matter!

OP posts:
Baffy · 29/11/2007 13:44

I'm going to head home from work. Need to do that sleeping thing. Can't think straight.

I will catch up with everyone soon xx

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 29/11/2007 13:48

baffy, i so empathise with what you're going thru. i think i'm only just starting to see H's behaviour with un-biased eyes and marvelling at how accepting and accomodating i was of all his victim/poor pitiful crap.

i wish i had the balls to face up to him and the situation the way you have done tho.

but, your posts this week have given me some strenght wrt to the impending meeting on saturday morning.

what i really want to do is hurt him badly, rant and rave and tell him how his behaviour has affected me and dd. i keep running conversations over and over in my head.

i won't get that opportunity on saturday, maybe never will.

but i can't wait to be in my own place with my gorgeous girl with all my shiny new bits n bobs. i am so looking forward to the mental space that will give me.

thanks for posting because you're really helping me.

tanee, it is a shock when you hear about something like that. i lost a work colleague when i was on mat leave and didn't find out for weeks. i was really upset that i missed the funeral.

carpe diem i guess.......

ps: thanks for all the crossed fingers! you may uncross them on Monday when I have the keys to Paddle Palace!

macdoodle · 29/11/2007 13:52

Tried to have the divorce talk with H today after he played the prick again when I asked him to have DD on Sunday so could have final day out with my mates (spa day pres for me and BF who is 40 in Jan)...
He was usual prick "what I have to have her all day sunday and monday (inset day)"...I tried to be calm and explain that he really needs to take some responsibilty for his children and finances and he can't expect me to look after him for ever...I could literally see the shutters come down,,,he got aggressive/angry and asked when I was going to stop having a go at him....oh god he just doesn't get it at all....maybe I should follow your lead Baffy file for divorce and leave it at that My head is just not in the right place at the moment but am so tired of him acting like he is doing me a big favour by looking after his child once in a blue moon...he so obviously just doesn't care about me at all anymore

Tanee58 · 29/11/2007 14:11

Macd, really sorry about your h - doesn't he realise that she's HIS child too? What are these men like?!

Baffy, hope you manage to get some sleep. Let yourself feel whatever you need to. It's horrible serving the divorce papers - there's a finality about it that is very sad, since we none of us marry with the intention of getting divorced. But you WILL feel better - be very kind to yourself and give yourself a bit of time. Would NM be a good person to confide in? He sounds very supportive...

mummyofaprincess · 29/11/2007 15:21

macdoodle your having the same trouble as me, my xp only came round to see DD for 10 minutes today and then had a phone call to take his new partner out shopping etc and to look at a flat im so sick of men right now and they call themselves fathers im fuming!
Baffy you have done the right thing im so proud of you it will get better, and im also saying this to myself

Fubsy · 29/11/2007 17:04

Snap McD, I have the same trouble. Ive had to join a gym just to maake sure I have somewhere to go, so he doesnt just pick DD up from school and drop her off straight after tea.

Even then he thinks I should be back by 8!

And next week he's going away so I have to pick DD up e very day, which means cancelling patients and taking leave to go early.

And he cant decide when to go, so he doesnt know whether he will be able to have her on Sunday.

If I get upset, he gets angry, so of course muggins puts up with it.

My RL friend has the same problem.

macdoodle · 29/11/2007 18:17

So after my "rant" he has "given in" but just phoned to ask what time I was going as he needs to go shopping as he hasn't got any food for her (no surprise there as can't recall last time he had her)...said going early so he will have to take her shopping with him ...like I do

Fubsy · 29/11/2007 18:49

You start to wonder if its worth the hassle, dont you. I have to keep reminding myself that its important for DD to have as much contact as possible.

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