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Original poster

I said I needed space but now he's completely cut me off

106 replies

Ljones101 · 27/04/2021 22:29

2 months ago I told my partner I needed space. There was a lot going on in our relationship and I was struggling. I know that he finds it hard to give me space after we argue because he wants me close and feels like I'm pushing him away and that's a trigger for him. He said if he left that would be it because he needed a clean break. I said 'fine' in the heat of the moment and he left. And that's the last I heard from him.
At first I was being stubborn in not wanting to be the first one to reach out. I do admit it is usually him making the effort after an argument. But eventually I text him and he didn't reply. A couple of days later I called his mobile a few times and he didn't answer. Then I called his work and was told he wasn't available and they would pass a message on to call me.
I don't understand what is going on. I feel like he's punishing me. I know he said he was done in the heat of the moment but I didn't think he meant it. Is this his way of telling me it's over? How can you be so close and aparently in love with someone and then just completely cut them out your life like that?
What should I do?
Accept that it's over?
If he's done, why not just tell me? Why can't we have a conversation?
I'm so sad and I miss him so much, but at the same time hate him for doing this to me. His silence is driving me crazy. We were so close and our relationship was very physical (intimately). Now there is a big hole. I feel so hurt like our relationship was all a big lie because suddenly he's just over it? The good times were the best but there was a lot of messed up shit that happened. We were not in a good place and maybe our personalities just don't work together to be able to have a relationship. He's very intense, I have a bad temper.... but even if that's the case I just want to talk it over.
The only reason I haven't lost my dignity and turned up crying on his doorstep or at his office is because I'm so stubborn, but I fear I'm so close to loosing it....
Help

OP posts:
Anonapuss · 27/04/2021 22:32

It sounds like he meant what he said, and its over.

It all sounds very dramatic and manipulative, i think he has done you a favour.

jamaisjedors · 27/04/2021 22:35

Reading between the lines it sounds like you often use the silent treatment to punish him after an argument, and now he's had enough.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 27/04/2021 22:37

You basically ended the relationship, didn’t reach out to him for a couple of months at all and now you’re sad because he doesn’t want to talk to you? Your relationship is over.

ladycarlotta · 27/04/2021 22:38

He did tell you. He said it would be a clean break and you concurred.

Not saying he's right to conduct himself in this manner, but it sounds like the two of you have very different ways of communicating/needs, and you won't meet them in one another. I'm sorry.

margaritavillesunsets · 27/04/2021 22:39

"I don't understand what is going on"

You told him you needed "space"

He told you if he goes he can't be doing with "space" whatever that even means, so if he leaves it's over. You agreed, he left. End of.

CarmelBeach · 27/04/2021 22:41

@margaritavillesunsets

"I don't understand what is going on"

You told him you needed "space"

He told you if he goes he can't be doing with "space" whatever that even means, so if he leaves it's over. You agreed, he left. End of.

That's about the size of it

And it's been two months! He was clear about the situation.

tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict · 27/04/2021 22:42

Sounds like he was sick of shouldering responsibility for all the emotional work and decided to stop. He was trying to tell you how he felt and you didn't listen and expected him to keep running back. He didn't. I kind of think he did the right thing and if it can be a learning experience for you so much the better.

Justmuddlingalong · 27/04/2021 22:43

He sounds exhausted by the drama. I think a clean break will benefit you both.

Billandben444 · 27/04/2021 22:44

It's over and he doesn't want to speak to you. You don't say how long you were together but perhaps the relationship wasn't to be. You are embarrassing yourself by chasing him, after two months it sounds as though he's moved on. I'm sorry 💐

shakeitoffshakeacocktail · 27/04/2021 22:48

2 months with no contact from him. You are now both 2 single separate people the only reason to message him would be to wish him the best for the future and (both) apologise

Redjumper1 · 27/04/2021 22:49

It's over. He told you so and hasn't spoken to you in two months. That's it really. He wasn't interested in giving you space. It's probably for the best. Relationship doesn't seem too healthy. Learn from this and move on

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/04/2021 22:49

It sounds like a bad relationship. How did your bad temper display itself?

It sounds like you’re alluding to being shouty and aggressive, then dishing out the silent treatment and expecting him to talk round. You told him to leave, he told you if he did that would be it, you didn’t contact him for ages and are now harassing him.

There’s nothing to talk about. If things were good you wouldn’t have had so many problems and agreed to break up.

You need to accept it’s over, admit your part in that and leave him alone. He doesn’t want to talk to you and you don’t have a right to keep on at him. He doesn’t owe you anything.

SnarkyBag · 27/04/2021 22:55

Sorry but it sounds like he’s sick of the cycle of getting the brush off when you’re pissed off and then expecting him to come back and make the first move.

He told you how he felt but you were confident he would play the usual game.

He did tell you he was done and you said “fine”

Onthedunes · 27/04/2021 22:57

You got your 'space'.

Just think of it as an indefinite silent treatment, looks like he's turned the tables on you.

Not nice is it?

Wherearemymarbles · 27/04/2021 23:02

So YOU tell him its over and then YOU expect him to come crawling back?

How long did you leave it before texting him?
I guess he is fed up with your temper and always being the one to reconcile after an argument ( i bet you had lots of kiss and make up sex)

Its over, leave him be

Minezatea · 27/04/2021 23:06

He said if he left that would be it because he needed a clean break. I said 'fine' in the heat of the moment and he left. And that's the last I heard from him.

OP I feel for you as you are obviously upset but what did you expect given what you say above?

You broke up that night. Not all things said in anger can be unsaid so sadly I think you need to find a way not to say things you don't mean and that will mean that your next relationship will probably be healthier. There will be one, and this current sadness will pass.

Ruminating2020 · 27/04/2021 23:07

Accept that it's over. You got your space and he certainly used his space to decide that the relationship wasn't working.

The relationship sounds exhausting to be honest and I think you should respect his decision.

Onward and upwards.

wingsnthat · 27/04/2021 23:09

No offence but this all sounds like it’s your terms only

You dropped him and expected him to be at your beck and call when you decided that you’re ready

Realistically whenever you take a break, there’s a significant chance either party might prefer life without the other person - it’s a risk you take

wingsnthat · 27/04/2021 23:10

He’s not punishing you - you’re just not compatible with each other

I mean, you know he deals with arguments etc completely differently from you. You want space to cool off - he wants to mend things ASAP. Maybe you’ll both be happier separately and once you find someone more compatible with you as individuals

Gyh863 · 27/04/2021 23:11

Yeah I've been on the other side of this. You want everything on your terms and he made all the effort to try and smooth things over. You let your ego be more important than him and he's had enough.

wingsnthat · 27/04/2021 23:15

Also a 2 month break is kind of long. I certainly wouldn’t be waiting around for that long trying to figure out what was going on.

mooonstone · 27/04/2021 23:19

How can you be so close and aparently in love with someone and then just completely cut them out your life like that?

You’re a hypocrite. This is exactly what you did by suggesting a 2 month break/no contact

If he's done, why not just tell me? Why can't we have a conversation?

??? He tried to that night - you shut him down. You can’t expect the other person to have infinite amounts of effort to give. He told you how he felt about a break and you still persisted.

because suddenly he's just over it?

Again this is likely how he felt after the conversation you had that night! He wanted to mend things and you said fuck it, a break is the only option.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 27/04/2021 23:19

Omg leave the poor man be

He's already told you it would be over, you agreed, didn't contact him and now you've decided you want him back.

Even calling him at his work and considering turning up there! Bloody hell!!
I would be beyond fuming if an ex did that to me

Get a grip on yourself

WinterSunglasses · 27/04/2021 23:19

I don't see this as totally down to you as some other posts do. But the fact is that you wanted him to respect your wishes and boundaries about space, so you now should do the same for him. He doesn't want to be in contact with you. You can't make him. Accept this - I know it's hard - and work on being at peace with it.

mooonstone · 27/04/2021 23:27

Also just wanted to add that relationships don’t have to be this difficult. You don’t have to literally fight to love someone.

You have lots of love to give and just imagine being able to do so in a relationship that you’re actually comfortable in. A guy that respects and understands you, where life together isn’t such a battle?

This hurts for now but hopefully you can understand that you’ll fall in love again, and next time will be soooo much better because you know what you need in a relationship now. You’re starting over with experience