Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@SpringlikeBunk

7. "You can't take your mind off who stop you connecting with anyone decent."

Oh yes number 7. Crucial to your own self sabotage 😄

@averywittyusername

Great advice Marlboro re: casual! It's also good to put a 'use by' date on the whole issue, and don't make it a long term effort. UtterSocks, well done with the PT!

The problem I've had is that once I get invested in someone I tend to like them even more. I can't do casual, I've wondered if it's somewhat down to biological programming?

I'm currently doing something like commitment without cohabitation and it's sort of great, but it doesn't feel permanent enough. Ridiculous, as I was so happy being single in my own space before we met. But I think the reason I did OLD in the first place was to find a partner, not just a part time boyfriend and I'm feeling that commitment without cohabitation is just that. I think I need to change my attitude, rather than the situation, and look on the bright side I do need my own space.. and we are committed.. but I feel something's missing.

Wishing I could get up the courage to discuss it with him.

Just catching up and seen this. This was how I felt with MrM, I know the 'living together apart' or 'commitment without cohabiting' is extremely popular but I've lived like that for a while and felt it was a fake relationship or as you say a part time one, so I wanted to fill that void when things got going with MrM and when I had the talk it did coincide with a wobble on his part 🤦‍♀️. So back to square one really but I am glad I know where I stand now. Talking things over and laying out cards on the table is something that needs done to establish where everyone is, and where they're heading. Hope it goes well for you

@havecourage8bekind it's great to hear how well things are going with your date!

@VanGoghsDog thanks for the meet up link - I'll see how I get on with my course on Saturday to see if terrarium owners are the kind of people I want to hang out with, but will check out other groups on there in my area. And happy birthday for this week!

@countesskay I don't have kids, and I personally think it's great that so many women want to date guys without kids, but my own experience doesn't really show that's true - or maybe it's just me they don't want to date... In fact, I see quite a few profiles of women who have kids and say they want to meet a man who also has kids as they understand the challenges of being a parent, and restrictions on free time etc...

I don't see it as an issue at all if you have a preference - it's quite a big factor in being able to make time to spend with someone, and no different in my opinion to having any other preference in terms of looks, finances etc...

@Shayelle2009 have you had more luck with updating your profile, and other apps? Bumble has been rubbish for me - only a handful of likes, and only a couple of matches - whereas I get better results on Tinder and Hinge. I've just updated my profile a bit, and have put my account on snooze for a week to see if that resets anything.

Sometimes less is more when it comes to profiles and photos - I think I'm more likely to swipe left based on seeing something I don't like, or feel like it would exclude me, than swiping right based on something I do like.

As for Steve Arnott - I've been doing a bit of lockdown beard growing, and I'm not sure mine compares to his. I've always gone for the clean-shaven look, but might see if a bit of grey stubble makes a difference! Not sure I'm quite ready to go for the waistcoat look though... I do have a boy racer car however, and for the first time have added a photo of it to a couple of my profiles - it can't make things any worse, so I figured it would be worth an experiment to see if it makes any difference! You never know - there might be a girl-racer, terrarium loving woman out there just waiting to meet me...

Sorry for interrupting that hilarious list 🙈!

Quick update from me. MrKids sent me a dic pic video which was just 😳😵I had been debating cutting him loose anyway as MrM is back on the scene, so I took opportunity a couple of days after the video and explained that I think I want to focus on giving it a go with MrM, wished him luck etc. I got a horrible reply back calling me a time waster, making a mistake going back, missing out on a great guy (him), and how he's sick of women not knowing wtf they want. I just ignored that and didn't reply but I had told him all along about MrM so can't understand his obvious anger to the situation. 😱

Anyway I will be deleting the apps for a while and hopefully won't come across him if I go back on in the future!

Why do I pick such weirdos 😰

@thecatwiththehat thank you :) meeting again this evening! We are both very obviously smitten and take the p*ss out of ourselves for it. It's refreshing to meet a man that's open and honest with me!

@frankiefirstyear

Sorry for interrupting that hilarious list 🙈!

Quick update from me. MrKids sent me a dic pic video which was just 😳😵I had been debating cutting him loose anyway as MrM is back on the scene, so I took opportunity a couple of days after the video and explained that I think I want to focus on giving it a go with MrM, wished him luck etc. I got a horrible reply back calling me a time waster, making a mistake going back, missing out on a great guy (him), and how he's sick of women not knowing wtf they want. I just ignored that and didn't reply but I had told him all along about MrM so can't understand his obvious anger to the situation. 😱

Anyway I will be deleting the apps for a while and hopefully won't come across him if I go back on in the future!

Why do I pick such weirdos 😰

Nooo poor you. You absolutely don't deserve that. We should make a separate list for the dick pics 🤢

Believe me when I say the term 'dic pic' just doesn't do justice to this flop of a film I received 🤮

Thanks uttersocks he seems quite normal ( I say for now). He doesn't seem to want to chat endlessly like a lot of them, I'd rather meet.

He seems quite adventurous though...and I'm.. well...not 😁

Re Steve Arnott I swiped on one earlier that looked just like him, hoping he matches 🤞

Someone else mentioned a lookalike the other day, there can't be too many about - wonder if the same one...this one was on Bumble.

@bangheadhere wow I'm crossing my fingers for you!! My current iron is lovely to look at but steve Arnott is something else lol!

The one I'm meant to meet isn't the Steve Arnott lookalike...I haven't had a swipe back from that one 😁

"4. Ensure that your outdoor meet for a walk doesn't include toilet facilities so you have to take a pee in the bushes half way round the national trust / park that you've identified"

A highlight of lockdown dating if you ask me ! Wazzing in the wild: it's freeing doncha'know.

@HairyArsedMan

"4. Ensure that your outdoor meet for a walk doesn't include toilet facilities so you have to take a pee in the bushes half way round the national trust / park that you've identified"

A highlight of lockdown dating if you ask me ! Wazzing in the wild: it's freeing doncha'know.

And a lot easier for men to do...

Nothing to update here really. Two chats but both a bit lacklustre. Is it too much to want someone to show a bit of enthusiasm?! Glad others are getting dates and feels

Coffee non date with MrSeaofTwats was nice, long chat, he's nice but I couldn't find him attractive at all.

Hope he doesn't get any ideas. It did feel a bit like a counselling session (for him).

I came home two large boxes of cheese. Obviously two people have decided I need cheese for my birthday but they both want to remain anonymous. Quite frustrating. Apart from the fact noone needs even one box of eight different cheeses when they live alone, I have no idea who to thank. And a glass cheese dome which also doesn't say who it's from and which is huge and I have no space for at all 🙄
I know one is likely from my mum, and the dome, as she has been mithering me for days about parcels arriving.

Luckily my quarterly gin subscription came today too - I need it to forget about all the cheese!

Hi everyone wow this thread moves quick 🏃🏻‍♀️

I dont want to speak too soon... but I seem to have really hit it off with someone. He literally ticks all the boxes so far and I feel like we’ve clicked. Only been chatting since yesterday but so far - so good ...

Honestly it’s only because of the advice here I swear it!! 😬😬

I really hope this one doesnt turn out to be a dick!! I want chats, a date! Some excitement and sparks in my life!! 🌟🌟💘

@VanGoghsDog.. Mr SeaofTwats haha love it 😂😂
@SpringlikeBunk please consider going into writing I love reading your posts, they’re so quality 😁

Also laughing at Mr SeaOfTwats, I'm a bit disappointed you weren't attracted to him @VanGoghsDog is it worth another date? Feel free to send some cheese my way! And happy birthday
This is likely to be a bit of a brain dump but I'm lacking in adult company at the moment.
After reading this by the wise @Marlboroandmalbec34
if you want casual pick someone you would never want a relationship with. Don’t accept casual from someone you want, even if you think you are OK with casual. It leads to heartbreak it's made me realise that I can't do casual with Mr Polo because I want more. He said he did too at the beginning but things seem to have changed.
He's very reluctant to put any kind of label on anything, even fwb/FB and I think I've blown it by pushing that too soon anyway. Now do I do a cards on the table, this is where I'm at message or just leave it completely and save further mortification when he says no way?!
Called things off with Mr O. Seriously considering sacking the lot off for a while and relaunching when I'm over the pair of them.
Any advice?

Happy birthday 🎂 @VanGoghsDog, I hope you enjoy your gin if not the cheese 🧀

@Heartbeats0708

Also laughing at Mr SeaOfTwats, I'm a bit disappointed you weren't attracted to him *@VanGoghsDog* is it worth another date? Feel free to send some cheese my way! And happy birthday This is likely to be a bit of a brain dump but I'm lacking in adult company at the moment. After reading this by the wise *@Marlboroandmalbec34* if you want casual pick someone you would never want a relationship with. Don’t accept casual from someone you want, even if you think you are OK with casual. It leads to heartbreak it's made me realise that I can't do casual with Mr Polo because I want more. He said he did too at the beginning but things seem to have changed. He's very reluctant to put any kind of label on anything, even fwb/FB and I think I've blown it by pushing that too soon anyway. Now do I do a cards on the table, this is where I'm at message or just leave it completely and save further mortification when he says no way?! Called things off with Mr O. Seriously considering sacking the lot off for a while and relaunching when I'm over the pair of them. Any advice?

Ok, call me a masochist but sometimes I find the cards on the table refreshingly final. Had a couple of irons last year where I wasn't even particularly in lurve just wanted to know we were after the same thing and the reaction / honesty / lack of reaction was horribly slap in the face like, but it allowed me to move on

Hi, can I join? I've been off and on lurking...
Background, on my own for 4 years now and just dipping my toes in the water (FB dating).
Might have a date this weekend?!
So... first got into FB-dating about a month ago. Didn't put much in the profile and only had it up a couple of days, sifted through the likes and ended up with 4 guys I was chatting with.
Of those, 1 lost interest, 2 I could tell weren't right, and 1 where we moved to WhatsApp... he ticks all the boxes but is French (I'm in the SE and FBD just goes by radius I think?) so naturally we haven't been able to meet.
We are chatting and occasional phone calls as well. However he does have phases where I hear nothing for days which makes me think he's not all that interested (although after reading the "texting" thread just now I wonder if that's more me being weird, than him?).
So anyway after one such phase I re-activated my profile on Monday, only had it up for a few hours as I find it gets too much otherwise, but got talking to someone who seems very keen, doesn't live too far away and... I might meet him Saturday or Sunday
I've been out of the game so long, I'm really a bit nervous! Any good tips? I suggested somewhere for a walk (always find that eases the nerves) but obviously will make sure there's loos after reading the list below!

@Heartbeats0708

Also laughing at Mr SeaOfTwats, I'm a bit disappointed you weren't attracted to him *@VanGoghsDog* is it worth another date? Feel free to send some cheese my way! And happy birthday This is likely to be a bit of a brain dump but I'm lacking in adult company at the moment. After reading this by the wise *@Marlboroandmalbec34* if you want casual pick someone you would never want a relationship with. Don’t accept casual from someone you want, even if you think you are OK with casual. It leads to heartbreak it's made me realise that I can't do casual with Mr Polo because I want more. He said he did too at the beginning but things seem to have changed. He's very reluctant to put any kind of label on anything, even fwb/FB and I think I've blown it by pushing that too soon anyway. Now do I do a cards on the table, this is where I'm at message or just leave it completely and save further mortification when he says no way?! Called things off with Mr O. Seriously considering sacking the lot off for a while and relaunching when I'm over the pair of them. Any advice?

I wonder why some people are so anti- label 🤷‍♀️ I'd want to know at least if you both agree on exclusivity, but if you can't deal with just being FB etc then are you maybe hoping for the cards on the table to reveal that he now does want a relationship? Personally I like a good cards on the table chat, even though mine went horribly and I ended up waffling and feeling more confused than ever 🙈 and then afterwards totally accepting a '(semi/secret) relationship status with no label' that I was trying to avoid by having the cards on table talk 😵‍💫

It does feel a bit masochistic but I think the slap in the face rejection might snap me out of this stupid limerance style thing I have going on for him. He pushes and pushes and just as I get to the "oh fuck it" stage we have a good interaction and I'm straight back.
He so wonderful in person that I don't want to cut my nose off to spite my face. And I wonder, maybe this is "normal"? But it's not enough for me either way.
Ideally I'd just like to know what he sees me as and re exclusive yes. I don't feel it's much to ask really. I might just let things settle for a day or two and initiate the conversation at the weekend.

Happy birthday @VanGoghsDog 🎂❤️😘

@Heartbeats0708

It does feel a bit masochistic but I think the slap in the face rejection might snap me out of this stupid limerance style thing I have going on for him. He pushes and pushes and just as I get to the "oh fuck it" stage we have a good interaction and I'm straight back. He so wonderful in person that I don't want to cut my nose off to spite my face. And I wonder, maybe this is "normal"? But it's not enough for me either way. Ideally I'd just like to know what he sees me as and re exclusive yes. I don't feel it's much to ask really. I might just let things settle for a day or two and initiate the conversation at the weekend.

Is this the one who broke the exclusive sex arrangement?

No @frankiefirstyear that was Mr O!
So are you and Mr M back on? I missed that!
@SansaClegane no real tips other than try not to put too much pressure on you/him/it, see how it goes, keep it short and sweet!