Eternally punished for cheating

[ScanScan]

I have NC for this. I know Mumsnet hates cheaters and I'm the one that did in this situation. As with everything there are two sides and reasons etc which I won't bore you all with. I'm genuinely interested to know how people perceive this though and I'm sure I'll get some answers I won't like but every time we have a serious relationship issue or chat it always boils down to me being the "cheater" even if the issue discussing isn't to do with that. We're in a rough place and he's just said that I broke the trust so basically he's the better person over all. It's such a final response to the issue that I don't feel I have any comeback as my betrayal trump's any crap behaviour on his part. Is this fair? Should I always then end up to blame because of what I did years ago?

He's abusive OP and he's using the affair to abuse you further. He probably loves that he can upset you so easily by always mentioning it.

harknesswitch did you split up after the three years?

I think that considering he chose to stay with you and it happened years ago, saying that I’ve been cheated on and it hurts a lot. For some people several years later they still struggle to accept what happened.

You need to sit him down and tell him that if he isn’t happy and is going to continually use it as a form of control then he needs to walk away now. You know what you did was wrong and I’m sure you’re very sorry etc.

@SwimBaby yes we did.