If your DP/DH is a police officer...

[crochetmonkey74]

Is it a commonly held belief that policemen are notoriously womanisers etc? I'm dating and one of my matches is in the police , 3 seperate people have said to me "ooh no they are all known for having affairs etc" I am 46 and have never heard this before in my life! I obviously know that not all people in one job act the same , I am not saying I believe it but is this a thing that people think?

Not a womaniser I don't think, but a coercive prick! Financially abusive, controlling, awkward arsehole.
Not my own DH but someone close enough that she shares every detail and nasty message.

I know a few who have been abusive, a few who have been unfaithful and a few who have been good husbands. Much like a lot of the population imo.

My husband is is the police and I know a lot of police officers who are husbands/partners. All faithful, really supportive husbands, very hands on fathers. None are detectives, all still uniformed - don't know if that makes a difference.

"Join the force, get a divorce."
I think to be fair, it's a high pressure, dangerous job. They often spend long, intense periods of time with their partners and I can see how that could lead to affairs. The sense of understanding, not being able to tell your loved ones what's happened at work etc.

No idea but I know the wife of one who can't/won't see what he's like- after her money. It was so obvious to the rest of us the minute we met him. He could've been a postie or any other job. Just so happens he's in the police.

I've been with DH for 14 years all of which he's has been a police officer. I also work for the police so know a lot of officers and while some do have affairs there's far more that don't and have normal supportive monogamous relationships. Being a police officer doesn't make you unfaithful.

There is a disproportionate number of domestic abusers in the police, who are shielded from consequences by their colleagues.

Affairs are rife in the police force. My dad cheated on my mum several times and his ex. Wife and my mum was in the police and told me many stories. They can get away with it due to the unpredictable shift patterns

@Bluecheck679

My husband is is the police and I know a lot of police officers who are husbands/partners. All faithful, really supportive husbands, very hands on fathers. None are detectives, all still uniformed - don't know if that makes a difference.

As far as you know... I just think they're not going to tell you are they, especially if they're all at it

It’s a well-known stereotype for sure. There will be people who live up to it and people who don’t but it’s definitely a ‘thing’.

A guy I went out with in my twenties who was very controlling and emotionally abusive is now very high up in the police. I know for a fact he has cheated on his wife.
A close family member of mine is also in the police (sergeant) and he is the nicest, most honest and loyal man who's been married to his wife for over 30 years. He did say himself that in CID there are a lot of alcoholic womanisers.
I can only assume you get all sorts, much like any workplace?

Some of them are paid to lie and cheat. www.spycops.co.uk/the-case/

Interesting responses, I really had never heard the stereotype before. I do understand that in any cohort of people they will represent the general population and that people tell their worst stories often so that's why you hear them. I've known one policeman in real life and he seemed a solid nice happily married bloke near retirement age but I guess you never know what's going on behind closed doors

Yes, was told similar when l started out at the CPS, many colleagues came unstuck after getting involved with police officers. I also know someone who had a very difficult time, he was a violent bully, and he made it extremely difficult for her to leave.

Amazing to me that this hasn’t got more public attention. All of it is shocking. There is so much of it. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/nov/04/ex-wives-undercover-police-inquiry-marriages-based-lies

I’m married to a police officer (a detective if it makes any difference...) he’s cautious and risk assesses everything which I think is down to his job. However, he’s a family man, loves me and the kids, does everything for us. He’s sensitive, thoughtful, kind and funny. I love the absolute bones of him.
We’re very different, (I’m more outgoing, more likely to take risks and more positive) but we work really well together.
We’ve not had any cheating scandals yet and he’s got 22 years service.
There’s arseholes in every profession.

I dated a manipulative arsehole in my early 20's who would threaten me with knives and violence... He ended up in the police force, god knows how. I used to think being in the police was an honourable thing to do, sadly my experience of knowing people in the force has been that they're a bit ummmm naughty and don't always play by the rules.

However, I was also told never to go out with a soldier, well I married one and he is the kindest, most gentle, honourable man I have ever known... Go in with your eyes open, protect yourself and see what happens. You might just bag yourself a good guy that bucks the trend

Best friends husband is in the police, pre kids we went to a few parties with his colleagues, affairs were rife though obviously many were faithful. The shifts are stress of the job so able to share the stress often a factor
I think uniform and cid were equally as bad

My friend (female) is a police officer and joined straight from school (police cadets). She has had affairs with senior officers on and off for a long time, mostly married ones. She's married herself now to someone outside of the police, but isn't faithful. I get the impression it's not unusual behaviour at all.

Affairs are rife.

Wouldn't touch one with a bargepole.

Blimey.. this Thread took a dark turn 😳

“ The former wives of undercover police officers have told a public inquiry about the “shattering” discovery that their marriages were “imbued with deceit” as a result of their husbands’ covert deployments.

A statement was made to the inquiry on behalf of three women who believed they were making personal sacrifices so their husbands could go undercover to infiltrate political groups during long-term deployments.

Years later, they discovered their marriages had been “based on lies” and that their husbands had had sexual relationships with other women during their deployments.”

Nice guys. Good family men.

I do know about the undercover scandal but hes a rank and file uniform in a rural area. But now I'm not sure. There must be good people in every job surely