If your DP/DH is a police officer...

[crochetmonkey74]

Is it a commonly held belief that policemen are notoriously womanisers etc? I'm dating and one of my matches is in the police , 3 seperate people have said to me "ooh no they are all known for having affairs etc" I am 46 and have never heard this before in my life! I obviously know that not all people in one job act the same , I am not saying I believe it but is this a thing that people think?

It is very true from personal experience. Also for some they become very controlling. 3/4 of the marriages I know married to police have ended due to affairs with police women. Seems the norm sadly.

@crochetmonkey74

I'm a teacher and theres a fair bit of shagging in schools but my eyes are being opened here!

Hopefully not actually in the school or has sex education moved on a lot since my day?

I knew a policeman's wife who went through hell, she's happily divorced now. He was into psychological torture, think hoovering at night for ages with dark glasses on(?!) to prevent her sleeping when she had work the next morning. If you met him you'd think he was a really nice guy.

Another stalked by her policeman ex, yet another who met a policeman via Tinder who turned out to be Mr Perpetually Angry (at women mostly), he also boasted that his job gave him power over people.

The police are a law unto themselves, I couldn't date one as I find that unnerving

One of my friends is a police officer. She had an affair and I’m bloody surprised she did as she’s the last person I’d think would have one. She is known for being a complete diamond. She’s now a cubic zirconia in my eyes.

A good ex friend of mine was a PC and had women throwing themselves at him. He was attractive, confident and obviously there is the uniform issue. He had numerous one night stands with women when married and some long term affairs. His wife found out, kicked him out and took him back 6 months later. He's not changed at all, learnt to hide it better. I no longer see him because he kept trying to get me to start something up with him.

I only know of one person who works in the police that I don't think has cheated on their partner. Counting up I know 7 coppers.

But to put it in perspective out of all my good college friends most of the men have slept with someone else while they were with the person they married. Mainly in their 20s. We're all in our 40/50s and most of us are not divorced, yet.

I know a police officer he's my cousin. Happily married, considerate family man. But he says a lot of officers are having affairs within the force and cheating. Just depends i guess on the person.

My brother is a PC and definitely not unfaithful. He is however divorced due to excessive drinking. It is a high pressure job dealing with the worst in society so it can colour your view of the world.

In contrast I can't imagine the OP's original post being about a Doctor..... I've met a lovely man online but he's a doctor and I'm worried that he might be unfaithful ..

I used to work in pharmaceuticals and what many doctors got up to on overseas conferences surprised me!

Them and pilots.

Also lol at the wives. You might not know of course , that being the nature of adultery.

[quote CallforHecate]Amazing to me that this hasn’t got more public attention. All of it is shocking. There is so much of it. www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/nov/04/ex-wives-undercover-police-inquiry-marriages-based-lies[/quote]
It did.

I worked for the police force years ago (in an admin role, not as an officer). I worked with a LOT of officers.

Re: infidelity I would say that from an anecdotal evidence point of view, there was quite a lot of it - more than usual but not all of them were at it. There were still a few dedicated family guys.

More concerning is that domestic abuse and coercive control is fairly common among police officers due to the personality types attracted to the role. I want to stress that I am not tarring them all with the same brush - there are plenty of officers who are not like this at all. However, a disproportionate amount have the need to control and lack empathy which are factors in domestic abuse. I think 40% of families of police officers affected by domestic abuse is the statistic that I’ve seen.

Obviously none of this means that your match is prone to infidelity or
being controlling in relationships - he’s probably lovely. But be armed with the information and keep your eyes open for red flags.

My friend is an ex copper and has been married 3 times. He had many affairs whilst in the police so I was put off ever dating anyone in the force. My other (high up) police friend who I hadn't seen for years was splashed over the Daily Mail the other month being caught out for breaking Covid lockdown and "visiting" his (ex police) friend at her home during the day. His wife was not amused. However, I am airline crew....you would be shocked what goes on down route in my job with married men and women up to no good, then when they landed their spouse would be there to pick them up from the terminal. Its rife in any job I am afraid!

Blimey. I managed 40 years of work and didn't shag any of my co-workers. Sounds like far more bother than it's worth, thanks. But maybe I'm not as lovely as I think I am.

There are cheaters in every profession. I work in the NHS, psychiatry, and have come across lots of affairs and cheating. You can't write one person off due to their job. In my opinion.

I'm not police but work with coppers and think they often have a self confidence (or arrogance depending on your POV) and can be extremely funny which makes them attractive to women.

One of DH's good friends is retired police and he's on his 3rd marriage...

I think the shifts etc give them the opportunity to cheat so a policeman with a propensity to cheat will do so but might not have had the opportunity to do so in a 9-5 Monday to Friday job iyswim.

But saying that, I know many policemen and women who are happily married and I have never heard any rumours otherwise about them. So it definitely takes all sorts.

I work in an aligned career. Yes have heard the rumours. These are people who are trained to work with vulnerable people, able to get info out of them and be charming when they need to. They have a lot of power. I've seen the affairs more in nonuniformed officers. The shift work, the sudden emergencies, the knowledge they can pull out the 'I can't discuss it with you', makes it easy. I think in the job, your morals get tested by your clientele.

I'd heard the rumours, didn't believe it until my ex left me after 3.5 years completely out of the blue 5 days before moving in to our new build house we'd signed and committed to (lived together renting for 2 years before this). Stung me with 14k debt with the new house, no reason given just left. Turns out he was cheating on me with a female police officer. Delightful. I'm sure there's a handful of honest loyal ones but I wouldn't take the risk again. A friend was engaged to a police officer, found out he was cheating while on a family holiday.

I have heard from friends married to police that unfortunately womanising/ affairs are a thing.

I’ve always been led to believe a lot of what I’ve read on this thread. I used to work with somebody who was married to an alcoholic policeman who used to beat the living daylights out of her. She was absolutely tiny too, she literally looked like you could push her over with a feather, absolutely sickening. When she finally plucked up the courage to leave him, he pursued her with all sorts of ridiculous charges, like being drunk in charge of a bicycle! 🤦🏻‍♀️

I hear the same thing about teachers. I doubt the statistics would support the stereotypes. There are losers in every occupation.

Wow I didn't know this. Know quite a few people who are in the police and afaik only one has had an affair. A woman with another woman who isn't in the force. She is married with kids.

I know three coppers. All three of them are married to other coppers. When they joined the force/at the beginning of their careers they were all married to other people. All of those relationships broke down through an affair.

The ones I know or know of seem to be more controlling than most men.

Have worked in teaching and had teacher friends for many years and have found the opposite .... very few affairs, no abuse.

My husband left 18 months ago, divorced since October. We have 3 teenagers and were married 20 years together 25. We grew apart for various reasons. He’s a career copper, in since age 19, retires in 3 years at 51. He’s an amazing Dad, and was a kind and supportive husband. But the job meant that his need to be in control bled over into parenting and there were some rocky times with my now 19 year old twin boys... that need to be in control also had a dark flip side in his enjoyment of being dominated sexually.. something that I always participated in with eyes open but eventually became too much especially as I got older... he has given up alcohol, watches musicals and drinks lots of tea now but one of my sons said he had seen him browsing ballgags and restraints on his IPad - so you never really know. But he didn’t have an affair. So that’s Ok 🙃