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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your DP/DH is a police officer...

121 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 24/04/2021 20:39

Is it a commonly held belief that policemen are notoriously womanisers etc? I'm dating and one of my matches is in the police , 3 seperate people have said to me "ooh no they are all known for having affairs etc" I am 46 and have never heard this before in my life! I obviously know that not all people in one job act the same , I am not saying I believe it but is this a thing that people think?

OP posts:
Iamnotmad · 24/04/2021 21:36

I can imagine their job would possibly make them a bit depraved (seeing the worst whilst doing the job). Also I could imagine someone who is already depraved joining the police for the opportunities for more depravity. But there also must be some nice ones.

babychange12 · 24/04/2021 21:37

Policemen beat and firemen cheat ..

214 · 24/04/2021 21:38

@user1471461069

"Join the force, get a divorce." I think to be fair, it's a high pressure, dangerous job. They often spend long, intense periods of time with their partners and I can see how that could lead to affairs. The sense of understanding, not being able to tell your loved ones what's happened at work etc.
Funny we were just using this phrase today at work as Police staff! I am married to a PC and used to be one myself BC, and I agree with pretty much everything user1471461069 has to say, although I know plenty of Teachers, retail workers and NHS staff who say their workplace is worse!
FTEngineerM · 24/04/2021 21:41

@CallforHecate

Nice guys. Good family men.
My DP is actually a good family man... that’s why he left as soon as we had DC and he saw how much he was missing out and how much I’d have to do alone.

Yes, affairs were rife, there always seemed to be someone shagging someone else, even one woman who was sleeping with three!!!! From PCSO to Inspector in the same damn office.

The job comes first, always, even if you’re lucky and have a great understanding boss you can’t ‘say right guys I’m off’ just as you walk into custody with the arrest, that shit takes hours and woe be tied if they have mental/health issues that require transport to seek medical assistance your night is pretty much gone.

Snow: lol whilst everyone is battling to get home they’re battling to get out and help muppets that decided they needed to go out.

Public order: walk towards the riot, stand there whilst they throw burning lumps of wood at you.

It’s a lifestyle, one I think very highly of but no.. it’s certainly not one which is suitable for a family IMO.

wombatgoeswild · 24/04/2021 21:42

Was visiting friends & for some reason we all trooped round a neighbour's house, mainly because he'd said he had a tidy house & another friend said show us! Honestly, it was like "Sleeping with the Enemy" & later our friends said he'd had a history of abusing his wives, plural. He was very high up in their local force, so nothing ever came out.

arethereanyleftatall · 24/04/2021 21:42

The profession to be wary of, in my now quite extensive experience!, is London lawyers. I don't know if it's just London. All of them have girlfriends or wives. I think they close their office doors, and get their webcams and cocks out instantly. Plenty of hotels to rent in their lunch hours it seems.

WakeUpSchmakeUp · 24/04/2021 21:43

Definitely a thing. Sitting in a car together for a long, long time over a sustained period of time, you’re going to become close. Only a step or two then to become physical.
Life or death situations sometimes, adrenal rushing, how do you come down from that? Oh yeah ...
A (misplaced) sense of infallibility & superiority.
One of the perks of the job is being let off the hook in lots of ways (see Sarah Everard’s killer for reference) and then carrying that to the personal, leading to a “why shouldn’t I get away with it?” Menatality.
It often (but not always) is going to attract people who seek a sense of power and control.
Traditionally it is very conservative (small c). Has to be by definition - that will obviously lead to archaic views around women.

Should I go on?

Abouttimemum · 24/04/2021 21:44

I’ve been a civvy in the police for many years in a previous job and yes there’s all sorts of shagging going on. But I worked there and had a husband and managed not to have any affairs so it’s not everyone of course.

Thesaltandthesea · 24/04/2021 21:44

Had a fling with a police detective years ago when I was single. I ended it as soon as I found out about his wife.

Original poster
crochetmonkey74 · 24/04/2021 21:46

I'm a teacher and theres a fair bit of shagging in schools but my eyes are being opened here!

OP posts:
cabbageking · 24/04/2021 21:47

It is the same as any other profession. Good and bad.

WakeUpSchmakeUp · 24/04/2021 21:47

Just to clarify by “getting away with it” I meant affairs, not murder Sad

UhtredRagnarson · 24/04/2021 21:48

Oh this is depressing to read. My son is making comments about joining the police. What can I redirect him to?

romany4 · 24/04/2021 21:48

I know plenty of Teachers, retail workers and NHS staff who say their workplace is worse!

Worked for a well known Supermarket until I had my children. So many affairs! The married men were the worst culprits.
Friends husband is a Postie. He says it's like a knocking shop at Royal Mail...

rhowton · 24/04/2021 21:49

Divorce rate and affair rate is quite high. Many officers I know ended up divorced and remarried to other police officers.

RevolvingPivot · 24/04/2021 21:50

I think if someone wants to cheat they will. No matter what their profession.

hellohellosailor · 24/04/2021 21:51

Just had a fling with a chief inspector I thought was single. I broke my golden rule, no ex forces no police. I wish I had stuck to it, he was a boring man whore with a little prick and a napoleon complex

VienneseWhirligig · 24/04/2021 21:52

@romany4 definitely. DH and his ex were posties, she slept with half the sorting office and was a bit of a joke there - DH started there years after they had divorced, nobody knew he had been married to her at first and told him she was a sure thing if he was looking for a fling Hmm

Porchie · 24/04/2021 21:54

I know three police officers. One female, was with a fellow police officer for years while he beat the crap out of her. She said it was rife within the police and eventually left him.

Second - my friend dated a police officer. Likeable man, absolutely obsessed with her future divorce settlement. Openly talked about how he was going to be able to use it as a down payment on his new house. He was a cocklodger but she managed to get him out before he totally drained her. He was excellent with her children and otherwise pleasant.

Third: friend with hopeless guy for a few years - he joined the police force and it seemed to give him licence to be controlling. He controlled her money, her clothes, her job, access to friends and parents and siblings. They now live as far from them all as he could get her.

Thisnamewasnttaken123 · 24/04/2021 21:56

I have heard it.

TheLittleRedToothbrush · 24/04/2021 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mistermagpie · 24/04/2021 22:00

My ex husband, ex boyfriend and my brother are both police officers and I work with the police (I'm not a cop). In my experience you get some lovely cops like normal people in any job, but yes, also a higher than usual amount of affairs and cheating. There's also a lot of arrogance in some cops and some really outdated views and opinions about women and minorities seem to be held by even young recruits.

This is just my experience of course and is anecdotal, but I wouldn't date another police officer in a million years.

MyDogCalledMax · 24/04/2021 22:01

My DH is a PC. He’s a really good guy. Been together 10 years and married for nearly 2.
I think affairs happen in all workplaces but there do seem to be a lot in the police. It’s a stressful environment and some of his colleague’s partners are not very understanding of their shift patterns and the difficult situations they’re in. I can see how easily it could happen.

mistermagpie · 24/04/2021 22:01

Also a lot of alcohol abuse in cops, my ex husband was one of these.

MollyCooodle · 24/04/2021 22:03

I think, like with anything, it depends on the person.

Not a husband but my Dad is and always has been (during my life), a police officer. He was my RP growing up, he's is an incredible father and always always put me first and loved (loves) me so much. He's now a wonderful grandfather to my DC too.

My mum is very honest about all things like this and has always said he was a good husband and father. No abuse or cheating, just grew apart. They were together for 20 years and my memories of them together are all very happy. She has said in the past that if they had maybe tried a little harder when things took a turn, they would still be together now. A lot of time has passed now so it wouldn't happen but she only has good things to say about him.