Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your DP/DH is a police officer...

121 replies

crochetmonkey74 · 24/04/2021 20:39

Is it a commonly held belief that policemen are notoriously womanisers etc? I'm dating and one of my matches is in the police , 3 seperate people have said to me "ooh no they are all known for having affairs etc" I am 46 and have never heard this before in my life! I obviously know that not all people in one job act the same , I am not saying I believe it but is this a thing that people think?

OP posts:
Chimboo · 24/04/2021 22:05

I am an ex officer married to a serving officer. I trust him completely. Yes it’s a bit of a joke in the police about people “going over the side” and before I left I did think maybe my profession were more prone to it for some reason - but I have a corporate job now and people there are no better, honestly.

CallforHecate · 24/04/2021 22:07

The difference is that a postie can’t get you sent down for something if he doesn’t like the dinner you cook him. I exaggerate but only slightly. All the tales of abuse of power must surely give any sensible woman pause for thought.

Kinlocrhum · 24/04/2021 22:07

Very, very common I'm afraid.

denverRegina · 24/04/2021 22:11

"It is the same as any other profession. Good and bad."

Spoken by someone who clearly has been nowhere near this type of work.

When you have to work so closely, for so long and with the constant threat of violence around you, it's definitely not the "same as any other profession". Trust me.

Purpoole · 24/04/2021 22:13

Yup. I’ve been with my DH since we were teens and he joined the force after uni. I also work as police staff and it’s very incestuous.
So many of our friends are on their 2nd/3rd marriages and we’re only in our early 30’s!
It’s very high pressure and can be a work hard, play hard environment with a focus on after work drinks etc.

therocinante · 24/04/2021 22:24

I've known 3 police officers/their partners well enough to know about their personal lives: all 3 had affairs. One is emotionally and physically abusive and when his wife tried to report him, her husband's colleagues closed ranks and she got nowhere.

I'm sure there are plenty of good officers who aren't like this at all, but frankly I'm wary of anyone who seeks power out and the anecdotal evidence I've seen isn't great. But then I also wouldn't date e.g. someone who worked shifts, worked abroad for long periods, etc... So police officers fit into that too.

SteffGreen1812 · 24/04/2021 22:34

I’m a police officer and there are a lot of affairs going on. I think it mainly comes down to the fact that not a lot of people outside of the force can understand the job properly and so people seek support from colleagues and that leads to affairs. And it’s easier because of the shift pattern etc.

wishywashywoowoo70 · 24/04/2021 22:40

It's very common
Had a fling with a married PM in my younger days. Long long long time ago.
A friends hubby is a PM and he slept with her best mate.
The job makes it easy to get away with it.

user1471538283 · 24/04/2021 22:40

I used to date a cooper and he said they were either womanisers, gamblers or drinkers. He was a gambler and lost everything before I met him.

I've heard that affairs are very common.

Ihatesalad · 24/04/2021 22:53

Well if anything like my brother in law-/ right wing, xenophobic, always right and a very black and white view of the world. I appreciate not all may be like this-,but he is such an arse it’s tainted my view —

Toomanykidsandcats · 24/04/2021 22:54

I’ve been with my police officer DH for 11 years, no abuse, no affairs I know of or suspect but it does go on. He is married to his job as well as me though, it is very consuming.

JorisBonson · 24/04/2021 22:59

DH and I are both police officers.

Yes there's a fair few people over the side, perhaps as a result of it being a very make dominated job. But for every wanker there's 10 good guys.

DH is not a womaniser in any way and I trust him implicitly.

OverByYer · 24/04/2021 22:59

I don’t think it’s any different to any other large organisation

Icequeen01 · 24/04/2021 23:01

I've been married to my DH for 36 years. He is a retired DCI of 30 years service. He is the most honest and loyal man you could ever meet and the most fantastic father.

My dad was also a DCI who served 30 years in the police and he was a complete womaniser who left my mum after 26 years of marriage for her best friend who also happened to be the CID manager.

There's good and bad in the police. I work in education and it is no better!

tatoowooo · 24/04/2021 23:04

Yeah I'm afraid to say both couples I know where in one couple he was a police officer and the other couple both of them were police officers. Both relationships ended because of cheating with a colleague.

SweatyBetty20 · 24/04/2021 23:11

Police Inspector neighbour came home ill from work one day and walked in on his wife and one of his colleagues shagging in the marital bed. A friend who is a WPC says she’s lost count of how many times she’s been pestered by married male colleagues. Another WPC I know works in armed response and told me she’d never go out with anyone from that dept as they’re all slightly obsessive, sleeping-with-the-enemy-type tidy, and are very dull with no life beyond the gym.

I also have it on good authority that male PE teachers are mainly slags.

ShopTattsyrup · 24/04/2021 23:12

Whether affairs or just general shagging I think the police are renowned for being very incestuous.

To be fair I'm in the NHS and it's much the same for us - long shifts and high preassure you tend to build quick and close relationships with colleagues which I can see how they end up in bed.

I've done it twice (relationships with other staff - not affairs!) and retrospectively it was just becuase you spend so much time with your colleagues in such a high preassure environment connections build quicker.

PurplePinkParade · 24/04/2021 23:14

My best friend recently dated a policeman. Very weird situation! Bear with me as it's long.

Best friends DP left her after 5 years together. She was heartbroken and didn't leave her house for a month. She then joined Tinder to try and 'get back out there'. Met a lovely-sounding guy, about 8 years older, policeman. They talked for a few weeks and he seemed kind and hardworking, said he was looking for 'the right girl to take things slow with'. He invited her to his house for drinks in the garden. I dropped her off so I knew where she was and she was texting me updates. Started off nice, then it became clear he was a massive drinker/borderline alcoholic - he drank a crate of beers within a few hours while she'd had 2 G&T's. She then went inside to use the loo and he followed her inside, started being very flirty and suggestive. My friend said she didn't particularly fancy him but just needed a bit of a a rebound and was v depressed after her breakup, so went for it. They ended up sleeping together. He passed out straight after and she got an Uber home as she felt a bit uncomfortable and didn't really want to wake up there. He didn't contact her for 2 days.

2 days after that she found out she was pregnant, not his baby obviously, but her exes(!) - she text him to apologise and told him she'd found out she's pregnant and needs to make some choices before she starts dating again. He bombarded her with calls and kept asking her to come round, said 'pregnant ladies are sexy to me' and 'i want to support you and the baby'. She blocked his number. He contacted her on 3 different numbers. After about 10 days just as she was about to report him this finally stopped.

She didn't think of him again except the weird and slightly creepy 'date', then she had her booking in apt with the midwife and told midwife she'd been having some strange symptoms. Midwife sent her to GUM clinic and she found out this guy had given her Chlamydia!

She unblocked him and rang him to let him know he has Chlamydia and to let any other sexual partners know. Apparently his response was 'bloody hell, well it's obviously come from you, I've only slept with 5 people this month' Shock

Safe so say she's learned a lot of lessons! She's now clear of STI's and heavily pregnant, happily single. And I wouldn't go near a policeman after this!

EL8888 · 24/04/2021 23:17

Errr yes basically -my father was a police officer and l work with the police. My fiancé is a nurse, they are also infamous womanisers as well (not him as far as l am aware!). It’s another high divorce occupation due to the shifts, womanising, drinking etc

VivaVegas · 24/04/2021 23:18

Went through nasty split with ex H after I found out he'd been cheating with one of his staff (he is a sergeant, she is a PC).

This was after over 20 years of marriage. Up until this point I would have said he would never cheat and trusted him 100%.

A lot has come out since, turns out she's not the first and there were at least another 3 WPCs he's had flings with.

Utter bastard, nearly destroyed me with his vile behaviour when I exposed their affair.

They're now together, everyone keeps telling me it won't last as apparently 'she's got form' and he's not the first married man she's got involved with.

I wouldn't go near one!

seensome · 24/04/2021 23:19

I went on two first dates with policemen when I was dating and I have to say they were very respectful nice men, weren't at all sleazy, didn't try to even kiss me at the end of the night, they both said they had a nice time but they just weren't for me.
I know I had only met them once but my impression was good.

Molehillfromamountain · 24/04/2021 23:23

My ex was a police officer and cheated on me with a colleague. I believe it is quite common. (The other woman's husband told me she'd had multiple affairs.)

theuncles · 24/04/2021 23:34

A mum friend from primary school is very happily married to a security police officer - he is the loveliest guy and I would say completely trustworthy. They have been married since uni and oldest DC is at secondary now.

I'm sure its a stereotype comment. I suppose some may take advantage of shifts and irregular hours, and some may tend towards being a control freak, but I expect the actual stats are probably about the same as the rest of the population.

Don't let the gossip put you off if you want to know more about this chap!

bjjgirl · 24/04/2021 23:38

As a cop I can honestly say that a lot of men I know in the job are amazing faithful partners and an equal amount are not. The same as every profession I have worked in.

Divebar2021 · 24/04/2021 23:44

I’m a police officer married to a police officer. I would say that generally it’s an environment that is very tolerant towards infidelity. Ive known both men and women to affairs and I’ve been at events where guys have bought women who’ve turned out to be the girlfriend and not the wife. I’ve worked in uniform and in a detective role and would say there’s not much difference. Perhaps the detectives are less likely to talk about it. I now work with officers who are in a very privileged position where affairs can lose you your job and it still goes on but generally the atmosphere is different. Even before COVID there were fewer nights in the pub and CID lunches which would have been pretty common 10 years ago. It’s been 20 years though since I went to a “ partner” do and that was marked by a wife lobbing a glass at a female officer.... which may give some idea as why we do them so rarely.