Would you go on this date? Red flags ?

[walkigonsuncc]

I started talking to a guy a week ago and we have a date arranged tomorrow (meal and drinks)
He has been annoying me past couple of days ..I don't know if I'm just being picky.
Some of the things he has said...

I like a woman who makes a effort to impress her man,nice hair,nice nails,always looks her best.
Would you kiss on a first date? Do you think I have nice lips.

Then he went on to say tonight (trying to flirt I think)
What's your plans tomorrow?anything fun(wink face)
So I just replied "washing my hair ha ha"
He replied ...
"Oh you washing that hair to impress me,are you painting your nails too?"

I replied yes ...
Then he replied "are you doing that to impress me"

Then I just mentioned my friend is booked into same restaurant next week and she's asked me to take a couple of pics of the food

He text "oh so your only meeting me to get pics for your friend"
"I bet you will be making a run for it half way through"

Then asking if I'm wearing a dress for him

Is he just too much?
He's irritating me a bit ..
I haven't really dated In years ..is this normal ?

@scoobydoo1971

He has narcissistic abuser stamped all over him. He may have had bad experiences of OLD, but he is supposed to be impressing you...not the other way around. When men like you romantically, they do try to put on a good impression. He is also warming you up for sex on the first date...you can replace kiss, with more intense acts that demonstrate your 'appreciation' of the fact he asked you on a date. Not everyone in OLD is a loon, but many are...they couldn't get a date in real life so they are on apps pretending to be someone they are not. In my friendship group, all couples that have stayed together have met off-line through work, community, hobbies etc. One friend had an awful experience on an app, and ended up in court as the man assaulted her. I know some people do have success with OLD, but my ex-husband has been doing this for ten years...100's of women, nothing beyond a 3rd date. I met my partner through a chance work meeting. I know dating is hard in lockdown and lots have turned to apps. However, you do need to be careful and read the red flags to dodge trouble.

I think this is a bit of a sweeping generalisation! I know of a few couples who met online and are now married with kids and very happy. I also met my dp online 2 years ago and very happy thanks. YEs, I had to wade through my share of 'thanks but no thanks' but don't we all in real life too?

Many of us (me included) can't meet people at work in the best of times as my workplace is very female dominated and my options would be even more limited right now working form home full time.

All my friends are married/settled and aren't interested in going out where you might meet someone (neither am I for that matter as I have 2 kids and have been there and done that and feel like everyone's mum at 42), my hobby is running, alone or with a female club. So saying that OLD is a waste of time isn't helpful to most people who are doing it!

I've never had a good outcome from online dating.
Where else do you meet people these days?
I'm 35 now so I feel like I'm past my best.
Maybe I just need to accept being single now.

I went on a date once with who I thought was a nice guy, pleasant evening then texts of ‘where have you been all my life’ etc etc, massive ick and in the bin he went.
It’s nice to be nice but not OTT, no surprises why these guys are single and tbf shouldn’t be mingling 🤣

Sexist pig. Run!

He is gross.

There are loads of guys like this online, unable to converse without turning it to sex and ramping up the exceptions that you are going to be a couple before you meet.

There are also plenty of decent guys online - wasting your time and effort meeting this loser? No point.

All I'm looking for is to meet someone have a chat.
Meet up and see if we click
None of this ott crap.
It's all so fake
Just be normal and see if you like each other.
He called me buttercup too
Buttercup !!

Ugh, he sounds awful! And IME, men who tell you they're gentlemen (or honest, trustworthy, not like other men etc etc) early on are not! If they were, they wouldn't need to tell you, they'd assume it was a normal way to be not some special thing they want brownie points for.

OLD can be good but you have to screen heavily, not give the benefit of the doubt (which is hard as it goes against the grain of many women and what society expects of us - "be kind" etc). You have to accept you just need one good one, you're looking for your needle in a haystack. I met someone lovely on tinder of all places when I was 35 and are still together nearly 6 years on with a baby.

OP I met my chap on Tinder, he’s a good ‘un. I’d learnt a lot of lessons prior to meeting him (from real life and online) so I resolved that in the early days, one wrong move, even something minor and he’d have been gone. But I finally chose well.

I think your beard joke might have done you a favour. It’s something you’d say to make your date laugh but he’s not in it for your humour. I suspect your joke comes across as not “ladylike” to someone whose prime goal is to have a woman straight from the 50’s.

I’d block him and get swiping

OP it's just a numbers game. Admittedly I struggle to talk to loads of men at once on OLD, let alone date multiple people (I'm worried I'll repeat myself and forget what we've talked about, or get mixed up with what they do for a living etc!) but it is entirely possible to do the kind of low key, no pressure 'dating' you're talking about.

The trick is to be brutal when it doesn't feel right and just cull them, then move onto the next. Any sign of the ick, or something feeling 'off', just move on.

Realistically, you know this guy isn't relationship material. Can you imagine?! You're wasting time on him even giving this headspace. We all have a limit on our time, don't waste it on this loser when you could be spending it with someone fun who doesn't creep you out!

You are still young, you will find someone nice. This one doesn't look good for you

He's already trying to manipulate your behaviour, in addition to being a creepy misogynistic arse. Cancel. Block. For God's sake don't go on a date with him.

I'd have deleted and blocked him after messages like that.

Just be thankful he's screened himself out. Do not waste any more time with him.

@walkigonsuncc

He hasn't text this morning. I'm kind of hoping he doesn't text and I don't have to say I can't make it.

When he said he was trimming his beard ..I said I was going to trim mine.
He actually thought I was being serious.

What? Really?

So he has absolutely no sense of humour too and is as thick as a brick?

I really hope you have no intention of wasting your time on this lumbering creep.

@walkigonsuncc

I've never had a good outcome from online dating. Where else do you meet people these days? I'm 35 now so I feel like I'm past my best. Maybe I just need to accept being single now.

Clearly Prince Harry didn't share that view (or any of the other large number of men who've got into relationships with women 35 or over).

Oh hell no. That's not awkward flirting. If he would have said "oh, I bet you'll look good in a dress" that's flirting. "Oh, you are going to wear a dress to impress me" has a sexist pig written all over it.

Online dating seems to be populated by (even) more weirdos than regular dating/socialising.

Quite a low bar if he's only irritating you "a bit" 😶

Have you been single for a while? I'd rather plait sawdust than go on this date.

Just to say you are completely not past your best at the age of 35. Don't waste your time on this oxygen thief.

Your OP gave me the ICK. Don't go!

Sorry but it the first bit gave me the ick

Combined with buttercup it’s a severe ick from me and I haven’t even spoken to him

Don’t give up but I wish you strength and at least the best meal you have ever tasted if you do go

Buttercup! Bloody hell, do you think he's got bets running with a mate that he can be as total twat and you'll still turn up. 🤢😱

@Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Any man who says he is a gentleman almost certainly isn't

This 100%

Along with self professed ‘nice guys’ or ‘good guys’

I’ve got the clenchies reading this.

You're called Little Buttercup and cannot tell why!

Give him a wide berth, he sounds like a sleazy idiot.

I'd be really put off by all that!