Baffled by Reaction

[Noodle765]

I’m Moving out of a rental property which I shared with exH 5 yrs ago. When he was here, he drilled holes in the wall for his computer stuff, bought large outdoor storage boxes for his motorcycle stuff and put up a wooden slat in DCs room.
I asked exh if he could sort out the above before we move and he replied rudely.
I’ve been seeing someone for 4 months & mentioned the above exchange.
He replied with: “needy ex wife”
I thought he was joking, so I sent a jokey reply back.
He responded with “I’m serious”
So I explained how it’s important to me because I want to get the tenancy deposit back & if the tables were turned I would leave the property the way I found it.
He replied with “Don’t make excuses. That lot could be done for about £100. I feel like u need a reason to keep in touch with your ex. Most people hate their ex and for £100 or so would gladly pay it rather than have to deal with them.”
Is it just my pms, or is that response a bit harsh and odd? (Just wanted some sympathy from him to be honest. First time doing a move completely on my own with DC)
For the record, I ONLY communicate with ex re DC, can’t remember a non-DC text conversation with him.

Red flag, he's jealous you've spoken to exH

If you’ve been living there without your ex for ages then it’s not his place to
Fix up? I’d find it weird that you had asked your ex. Rude comments from current partner. He probably is jealous though and trying to
Suss out why you are contacting your ex when it’s not his problem anymore. Does look weird

YANBU. Very rude and a red flag he could be controlling and jealous in future

Op, great news! He has shown how much of a dick he is really early, so you wont feel stuck with him.

Him the sexist dickhead off immediately.

It’s just rude. Even if that’s what he thinks, why on earth does he think it’s OK to talk to you like that? I bet you never criticise him so disparagingly.

Tbh I agree with him although it sounds like he was quite blunt which I wouldn’t appreciate.

I do think it's a bit odd for you to ask your ex to make those things good if he moved out 5 years ago.

But I wouldn't like the needy crack from the current boyfriend, seems a jerk-ass thing to say.

Definitely a red flag.

Get rid before he takes over your life.

Well exh should have sorted those things when he moved out, but things were so fraught at that time, it didn't occur to me to ask him to do it. His name was ion the tenancy when he did all the drilling & putting the storage in the garden (for his sole use). I have so much to pay for & sort out, I was hoping I wouldn't have to pay to clean up his mess too.

he has a point. I certainly wouldnt contact my ex

An overreaction on his part completely but I would just get on with it, repair it, get your deposit back and move on with the satisfaction you sorted it. Life really is too short to hold grudges trying to get your ex to sort it.

I kinda think after 5 years it's a bit wrong to ask him to sort it in person, it would be fair to ask him to pay for it being sorted though.
Still, your BF was quick to jump in with the snide remark if it's the only thing you've asked of your ex since knowing your BF. If there was a pattern of you asking your ex to do things, that would be understandable.

I agree with your dp its been 5 years should have been sorted then. DIY isn't his problem anymore he doesnt live there

The holes are easy to fix- polyfil extra fine will sort it😘

For the record, I ONLY communicate with ex re DC, can’t remember a non-DC text conversation with him.

But you did, you asked him for a favour for your house move. It’s been half a decade. His name isn’t on the tenancy anymore. Sort it out yourself.

The way your boyfriend phrased it was harsh but I’d be similarly surprised and unimpressed in his shoes. You’re not friends with your ex so don’t muddy the waters by asking for favours.

Your boyfriend sounds horrible. I notice he's not offering to help you, either.

They both sound like twats. Although personally I wouldn't ask for help or share convos with ex with current squeeze or want sympathy about moving house, I still think your new bloke doesn't sound like he respects you the way he is wording things

Ok, I'd have probably just fixed it myself rather than ask anything of X , however new partners response is troubling - he's very new on the scene and most definately should not be speaking to you in this way

It's no so much "should my exh be doing it", it's more that the new guy responds to me while I'm in a friendly chatty mood. "Stop making excuses, blah blah, you can do it yourself." I suppose he has one of those relationships with his ex where he doesn't leave his car or greet his ex, whereas I've been trying to do the opposite for the sake of DC (with gritted teeth)
Abdo no, I've never asked him for any other help/favours, even when I'm at work (as a doctor), and dc is ill at school, I would fetch her. Attend parents evenings alone, if I'm seriously unwell, I would make other arrangements for DC, so I don't bother him at all.

Yes no help from current bf whatsoever, but can't be bothered about that. As someone mentioned earlier, there is a pride in having done it all on my own.

Bin the boyfriend.

Ditch the boyfriend, and congratulate yourself on having already ditched the ex?

Were you being friendly and chatty or were you looking for sympathy?

Make the bf your ex.