Baffled by Reaction

[Noodle765]

I’m Moving out of a rental property which I shared with exH 5 yrs ago. When he was here, he drilled holes in the wall for his computer stuff, bought large outdoor storage boxes for his motorcycle stuff and put up a wooden slat in DCs room.
I asked exh if he could sort out the above before we move and he replied rudely.
I’ve been seeing someone for 4 months & mentioned the above exchange.
He replied with: “needy ex wife”
I thought he was joking, so I sent a jokey reply back.
He responded with “I’m serious”
So I explained how it’s important to me because I want to get the tenancy deposit back & if the tables were turned I would leave the property the way I found it.
He replied with “Don’t make excuses. That lot could be done for about £100. I feel like u need a reason to keep in touch with your ex. Most people hate their ex and for £100 or so would gladly pay it rather than have to deal with them.”
Is it just my pms, or is that response a bit harsh and odd? (Just wanted some sympathy from him to be honest. First time doing a move completely on my own with DC)
For the record, I ONLY communicate with ex re DC, can’t remember a non-DC text conversation with him.

BG sounds like a dick and rude. Does he think women should clean up and tidy up after their menfolk ? It’s hardly “needy” getting someone to clean up their own mess. Your ex should have done it at the time but l know how hard it was getting my ex to do stuff, even when we were together

BG = BF

Run for the hills! What a jealous, controlling knob. At least he's shown his true colours only 4 months in.

Your boyfriend was rude I agree - if it's a one off I'd let it go but I'd be a lot more attentive to any off remarks he made in the future.

Agree with others you shouldn't be asking an ex who moved out 5 years ago to do repairs. Your landlord probably won't give you the deposit back anyway so you may as well leave it looking like a shithole

I think people are really overlooking the fact that this isn't just some random ex - they share a child together. It's ridiculously immature to think it is weird to be in contact with your children's father. Surely people who enter into relationships with people who already have a child/children know that the ex exists and is somewhat in their partners life even if it is only because of the children? If you can get on well with each other I think that's great for the child's sake.

I really don't think OP has done anything wrong at all in asking for his help to sort out something that he caused, even if it was 5 years ago. It presumably wasn't much of an issue 5 years ago - now it is.

And to reiterate - if boyfriend has got so much of a problem and is feeling his alpha male ego is threatened then he should offer to do it himself.

Your boyfriend is a twonk. Bin him.

Very rude to call you a needy wife, it's quite reasonable to ask your ex to restore the damage to the walls.
The bf is jealous and doesn't want you to have the ex round, also he shouldn't be trying to control what you do about it, maybe he should of offered to help to get the job done quicker.

Sounds like a horrible jealous twat to me. If he cared about you and your welfare he put his twatty attitude to one side grab his tools and sort it out. I certainly would, I hate my girlfriends ex husband. He was a cruel abuser and crap father but I'll happily fix things at her home. I'd be seriously considering my position in the relationship if I was you.

And it just occurred to me now. New bf is a tradesman. The irony. 😅

My ex has stuff in my shed that he left there over 5 years ago when he moved out. Damn right I'll be getting him to dispose of it when I move, why wouldn't I? Only very odd people believe there should be zero communication with exes apart from discussing the children. If he wasn't abusive why on Earth would anyone not expect him to sort out a mess he made??

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Your boyfriend was rude I agree - if it's a one off I'd let it go but I'd be a lot more attentive to any off remarks he made in the future.

Agree with others you shouldn't be asking an ex who moved out 5 years ago to do repairs. Your landlord probably won't give you the deposit back anyway so you may as well leave it looking like a shithole

WHY shouldn't she ask him to fix it though? And why do you think she won't get her deposit back and should leave her house a shit hole??

I would be keeping a serious eye on the BF after this. Look for other red flags. Just seems a nasty reaction

@Bluntness100

Unless there was abuse why the fuck would the husband not come back and fix it?

It’s such a quick simple job, why the fuck wouldn’t she just do it herself? It was an excuse to get him round. He’s not lived there for five years.

If a woman posted her new boyfriend had done this, everyone would be like “any excuse, he’s not over the ex, get out now”.

Removing build in storage that’s sat there for five years, that was drilled in as it was built that she has no experience of putting together?

That would take her far longer than it would take the person who installed it. His children still live there - it’s for the benefit of his children to get the full deposit back.

Boyfriend is a nasty person, get rid.

He could have simply said 'I'll fix it for you. No need to trouble the ex's. Instead he tried to make you feel small.

He is already setting you up to be the needy crazy ex. And telling you exactly who he is.

Its only been 4 months and already he has showed you he is a shit.

This is just one of the examples of what he's done. Anyway handyman coming next week.

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

Your boyfriend was rude I agree - if it's a one off I'd let it go but I'd be a lot more attentive to any off remarks he made in the future.

Agree with others you shouldn't be asking an ex who moved out 5 years ago to do repairs. Your landlord probably won't give you the deposit back anyway so you may as well leave it looking like a shithole

Sorry but no way would I overlook his deliberate, sexist insult.

I don't like the sound of your boyfriend. I can't quite put my finger on it but his remarks sound like such an overreaction there must be more to it.

I feel that either;
You do look for reasons to contact your ex unnecessarily (but you have said you don't and why would you come onto a forum and lie?), it bothers him and this is his very clumsy and rude way of approaching the topic
Or
He has a bad relationship with or view of his ex which he is projecting onto your relationship and you as a person
Or
He has a low opinion of women in general.

So, your new man is a handyman, and instead of doing these jobs for you, for free, he's expecting you to pay another man to do what he could do himself?

That's not right, is it?

Only 4 months in, and not only has he no desire to impress you (this was his golden opportunity), but he's downright rude to you as well!

As soon as I met my DH, he was keen to help me with things that I wasn't sure of - like stuff relating to my car.

I would dump him, tbh. He's not going to get any better, and he sounds like a right dickhead. Nasty with it too.

Your bf is showing you who he is.

Listen carefully.

He sounds like an asshole.

Instead of having an adult conversation - ''do you really need you ex to fix this, its been 5 years, whats your reason for contacting him?'' - he labelled you ''needy ex wife''.
Thats such a red flag.

Omg, bin him. Bloody rude with huge alarm bells ringing! You did nothing wrong asking the father of your children who caused the damage to fix it or even to help you with the move since you have kids together.

My ex has helped me out and my boyfriend hasn't batted an eyelid plus my boyfriend helps me when he can (he lives a few hours away) as I do him. If he helped his ex wife it wouldn't bother me either.

Anyone who spoke to me in that manner would not be getting a reply anytime soon.

I have cheese older than your current relationship. If he's already stopped trying to impress you, it doesn't bode well. Given he's a tradesman (even if he's an electrician or a plasterer etc) I'm sure he could have done these jobs for you and it would have been nice if him to offer, but even if he didn't, the way he responded tells you a lot about him and I'd finish with him.

Did you even ask the landlord if he wanted to keep the storage in the garden? That would have been my first move.

Your Ex should have come to do it really, even though it's been 5 years, you have a child together & he should want to help you/take responsibility for the mess he made/ his stuff. It's not like he's an ex you haven't seen in 5 years.

I have no idea what you mean about 'slats' in the bedroom?! But it's an easy job to take down shelves & fill holes. You could have done that yourself.

He replied with “Don’t make excuses.

WOAH.

Fucking stop right there.

You want to speak to me like that, you find someone else to throw your weight around with.

It doesn't matter about the rest of it - i can see both sides.

but I would take that conversation as a MASSIVE red flag from someone 4 months in. You're talking about the co-parent here... not some random bloke - at 4 months, he shouldn't know the ins and outs of your contact/relationship and how you handle the fact that you have to have contact with your ex and basically work together at some level. All he shoudl be showing, 4 months in, is that he is the outsider and that he respects the fact that there is, inevitably, another parent who you have to liaise with.

He's already showing signs of jealousy and that he's going to be happy to wade in with loaded comments on any contact you have.

Bin him. This isn't a man to have around your children.

I can see why you are concerned about the damage to the wall and yes, it will be deducted from your deposit.

I can also see why a single mum who is a doctor ( one year into a pandemic ) doesn’t have a lot of time to learn DIY. That wall will need filled, sanded and the whole wall repainted, it’s not actually 5 mins work as some posters are suggesting.