Baffled by Reaction

[Noodle765]

I’m Moving out of a rental property which I shared with exH 5 yrs ago. When he was here, he drilled holes in the wall for his computer stuff, bought large outdoor storage boxes for his motorcycle stuff and put up a wooden slat in DCs room.
I asked exh if he could sort out the above before we move and he replied rudely.
I’ve been seeing someone for 4 months & mentioned the above exchange.
He replied with: “needy ex wife”
I thought he was joking, so I sent a jokey reply back.
He responded with “I’m serious”
So I explained how it’s important to me because I want to get the tenancy deposit back & if the tables were turned I would leave the property the way I found it.
He replied with “Don’t make excuses. That lot could be done for about £100. I feel like u need a reason to keep in touch with your ex. Most people hate their ex and for £100 or so would gladly pay it rather than have to deal with them.”
Is it just my pms, or is that response a bit harsh and odd? (Just wanted some sympathy from him to be honest. First time doing a move completely on my own with DC)
For the record, I ONLY communicate with ex re DC, can’t remember a non-DC text conversation with him.

What he said was horrible, the sentiment less so. Unless your ex is also receiving half the rental bond back/ it's been 5 years. You've stated minimal/ no contact unless child related- why would you suddenly want him around 5 years after leaving to fix holes/ plaster/ paint. With all respect- you've had 5 years to deal with it and in your position I'd be paying for it with no discussion with an ex husband regarding it. Your current partner is not someone I'd want to be around for much longer.

I bet after all this time you don’t need to take the shelves down......just make good any holes in the walls.

I saw your update. He's already replied rudely, oh already have no relationship apart from the kids, why would you 5 years later now demand money to fix it? Will he also get half the deposit back? Could always take the repair costs out if his share

Both are twats. You’re well rid of exh (you probably already know this!) and your new partner needs to go the same way. Jealous controlling arse.

Go it alone, both in fixing the property and in moving on. You can do it OP!

@TedMullins

I presume most of the people saying YABU haven’t lived in rental properties. For the modifications OP mentioned the landlord is going to take a lot more than £100 out of the deposit, especially for holes in the wall. I’ve known people have money deducted from deposits for a piece of blu tac on the wall.

If he drilled the holes and put the storage up, I agree he should sort it, even if it was 5 years ago. Yes, I’m sure you are capable of doing it yourself but that isn’t the point. If you’ve got kids with him you’ll never be able to cut contact. And “most people” don’t hate their exes, some might if it was a particularly acrimonious split but others are friends with exes and keep in touch amicably. The new BF is a possessive weirdo. Dump.

This.

I have only ever rented so far and with letting agents it is literally any excuse to deduct from the deposit.

I had one agent where the landlord was claiming for damage they had already noted on their inventory. Some of them don't want you to leave it just how you found it. They want it in pristine showing condition with professional carpet cleaning, oven cleaning etc etc.

If deposit is roughly 500/600 they will easily rack up to half of this if they 'have' to call a repairman.

Although I think Ex should have done this at the time he was moving out. I would have probably just assumed because I hadn't said someone for so long that it was up to me after 5 years.

Partner is rude and not a good sign he speaks to you like this so early on.

Unless there was abuse why the fuck would the husband not come back and fix it?

Surely it’s in the best interest of his children that their mother gets the full house deposit back so they can move somewhere with minimal disruption.

Not that they’re eating beans on toast for a month as she struggles to pull £300 out of fresh air because of the damage their dad did to the property.

Yanbu, OP.

As for the boyfriend? Well it’s fuck all to do with him, isn’t it? Your ex, your house, your kids. He doesn’t contribute so why he thinks he has an opinion is beyond me. I would seriously rethink being in a relationship with him if he thinks that’s an appropriate way to speak to you.

Why the hell would you not ask your ex? Why hire a handy man? More to the point if he’s so concerned why has HE offered?

Unless there was abuse why the fuck would the husband not come back and fix it?

It’s such a quick simple job, why the fuck wouldn’t she just do it herself? It was an excuse to get him round. He’s not lived there for five years.

If a woman posted her new boyfriend had done this, everyone would be like “any excuse, he’s not over the ex, get out now”.

I think your request to your ex is reasonable

Jealousy pure and simple

Dump him. What a rude, patronizing asshole.

@category12

I do think it's a bit odd for you to ask your ex to make those things good if he moved out 5 years ago.

But I wouldn't like the needy crack from the current boyfriend, seems a jerk-ass thing to say.

It's their mutual child's home; hardly as if she's childfree and is reeling in an ex she otherwise hasn't seen in years. Ffs.

@intheenddoesitreallymatter

Unless there was abuse why the fuck would the husband not come back and fix it?

Surely it’s in the best interest of his children that their mother gets the full house deposit back so they can move somewhere with minimal disruption.

Not that they’re eating beans on toast for a month as she struggles to pull £300 out of fresh air because of the damage their dad did to the property.

Yanbu, OP.

As for the boyfriend? Well it’s fuck all to do with him, isn’t it? Your ex, your house, your kids. He doesn’t contribute so why he thinks he has an opinion is beyond me. I would seriously rethink being in a relationship with him if he thinks that’s an appropriate way to speak to you.

Why the hell would you not ask your ex? Why hire a handy man? More to the point if he’s so concerned why has HE offered?

All of this.

Although I think Ex should have done this at the time he was moving out.
Presumably he moved out because they split up - as he was fleeing from the house, bumping his battered suitcase down the path, he really should have turned round and said 'I'll pop back and make good the holes and dismantle the storage tomorrow, shall I?".

I don't understand why you contacted an ex for holes in walls, when he hasn't lived there for 5 years !

Polyfiller & sand paper its an easy job to fill holes

The storage boxes, just leave them there

Will the deposit return to you or your ex ?

Are you moving in with your new boyfriend ?

Another vote for dumping the boyfriend. He sounds like an insecure dickhead.
Tbh if a dude called me needy I’d be proving how much I don’t need THEM. How bloody rude.

Not a nice response. I’m just thinking, if I’d sent a message like that to my dh, or previous boyfriends or most of my male friends their response would have been offers to do / help with the jobs so I didn’t have to see/ put up with exh.
Is the outside storage something you could offer on free cycle/ local Facebook?

Wow, your boyfriend sounds so loving, sweet and helpful! Not.

Ditch him. See this move as a fresh start. 100% Twunt Free.

@Bluntness100
I would have just volunteered to do, but that’s just me really, but yes it’s simple stuff,

Handyman booked! 😬

It's their mutual child's home; hardly as if she's childfree and is reeling in an ex she otherwise hasn't seen in years. Ffs

Mutual child’s home? Well yeah but It hardly needs re roofing, it’s filling in some holes in the wall. Hardly something you need to be “diy handy” for. Or need to call your ex in whose not lived there for five years. Ain’t no one buying that.😂

@Bluntness100, the storage boxes are massive & can't fit through the gate unless dismantled. Was constructed with a drill. (Also he's stuff is in there which I can easily throw away)
He made a mess with the holes, they're also around the shelves which are in an awkward place. The wooden slats have been nailed into skirting board.

eww no. This would put me off so much. Sign of things to come OP.

Especially if you have only been together for 4 months, very worrying.

People on here are odd - my mum and dad are still in contact occasionally now, and she would of definitely of asked him for help with something like this if it was him that caused it.

OR my step dad would of offered to of done it (whilst probably moaning that why was my dad not sorting it lol).

If boyfriend is so bothered why doesn't he offer to help you?

I personally wouldn't have bothered asking the ex, but hey, don't ask don't get, and it was his damage in the first place. But expecting a fix after 5yrs is definitely optimistic!

But new man's response is just rude. It's the "needy ex wife" jibe that's the worst. That's just disparaging and disrespectful. And completely unnecessary. Surely "Oh dear, shame he wouldn't help but after 5yrs I suppose he feels it's not his problem. Why don't you put up a job on MyBuilder or local FB group, I bet someone will do it cash in hand" would be all you'd need to say.

That's what makes it a red flag for me. I don't like rude people. Speak your mind, sure, but do it without insults.

He is always going to back the aggrieved mistreated man, even when that's your ex. He's a misogynist with a chip on his shoulder.

Bin new boyfriend. You’re a Dr- you can do better than a jealous and peevish oaf who uses U for you.