Affairs & cheating

[finish121]

Hi.

I have a question for you all, would appreciate honest responses.

Why would a single woman enter into an affair with a man whom she knows is married from the outset?

Would you feel sorry for the single woman if she was dumped following the discovery of the affair?

Thanks

It isn't about looks or 'trading down', there isn't a pattern. This happens and has happened for centuries to all different kinds of people in all different kinds of situations. Sometimes there is a chemistry or affinity there regardless of looks etc.

I agree. However, whether you act on this attraction or not depends on your morals. I think everyone, no matter how much they love their partner, can be very attracted to someone else or at least find someone else attractive. I think that the person who knowingly acts on it, or is the single person knowing the other is married, is a trade down from any person who wouldn’t do this.

It is necessarily a trade down when there is a knowing affair partner (i.e. not been tricked that the married person is single), as the affair partner is the sort of person who is willing to be an affair partner.

They are a willing affair partner.
They are a trade down. QED.

I wouldn't feel sorry for her, she entered it knowing that he was in a relationship..

Women who engage in relationships are not always desperate with low self-esteem, sometimes it quite suits then to have a bit of fun, some are total bunny boilers...same as the man who makes it look the outside world that he is Mr fekin wonderful and cheats on his wife/partner..in my case, it was going on whilst I was having treatment for cancer, our relationship ended 4 weeks after I got the all clear, best day of my life...cheaters will always be liars and cheats...Do I hate the woman he was cheating with? No, I actually feel sorry for her, because he will do exactly the same to her...

The answer is simple its because she can and she did. She should be ashamed with herself but I think she will be gloating. If people allow shit to happen it will. Most cheaters will delude themselves calling it love or something which makes love dirty. I don't really understand why a woman would have sex with another womans man for any reason. Its definitely discussing in every level.

Actually i nearly slept with a married man. I met him on a dating site and dated him - I had no idea he was married, I think of myself as a high value woman -I am not desperate and i dont believe he traded down ...

Some women might like the no strings attached that goes with a married man. Others probably have low self esteem.

I used to work with a man who was very handsome and married (to different women in the years I knew him) and he was always having affairs with women (single and married). I think they were taken in by the charm and his looks and seemed to lose all logic. I can think of 5 women he had affairs with. I used to wonder why he didn't make a play for me but I think I either wasn't gorgeous enough or he knew I saw him.

I had low self esteem and was promised the world, was naive to believe it, this was prior to my Mumsnet days! Too trusting, because we often know the men well beforehand, the more dangerous emotional affairs are usually colleagues or long time friends. The wives want to dismiss us as only sex, appreciate that makes them feel better, but it's not true in most cases. My partner was in tears and shaking when he left me.

I believed love conquered all. But it doesn't, for him there is the cost of divorce, children who will likely hate him, and OW too, loss of friends, loss of sense of belonging and stability, risk of a new relationship not working, loss of homemaker and childcare provider (often it's the SAHM that gets cheated on) and the family unit, if the APs work together there is another problem, a lot of other factors lead to staying and absolutely not the pure love for the wife! Sorry but if that were there, he wouldn't cheat in the first place.

Don't feel sorry for us, obviously. Feel sorry for the wife taking him back as she lives with the shadow, forever, and is also being used.