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Original poster

Affairs & cheating

133 replies

finish121 · 20/04/2021 19:40

Hi.

I have a question for you all, would appreciate honest responses.

Why would a single woman enter into an affair with a man whom she knows is married from the outset?

Would you feel sorry for the single woman if she was dumped following the discovery of the affair?

Thanks

OP posts:
ChairmansReserve · 21/04/2021 15:16

@quirrelsotherface

Your response to me explaining how people can make moral judgements about things in an abstract and objective way is to immediately tell me I'm 'projecting'?!? Grin I find that such an astonishingly missing the point response that I think you must have done it on purpose. Jesus h. Confused

Happinessevaded · 21/04/2021 15:26

@ChairmansReserve

You are coming across as taking this very personally and appear quite aggressive / unwilling to understand any of the dynamics around situations such as these.

For the record I’ve been cheated on and reserve little moral judgement for ex’s OW, I just don’t care enough about her, it was his betrayal that mattered. As for equating OW with murderers and rapists. Please.

boobot1 · 21/04/2021 15:32

@TicTac80

1. I don’t know. Probably because she’s not that great a person.
  1. No. In fact when my XH dumped OW (who is now an ex friend of mine), and she phoned me up all upset (because she thought we could be “break up support mates”), I laughed at her. A lot.
She did what!Shock
ravenmum · 21/04/2021 15:53

@kickergoes

Such as:

I've never known an attractive, successful woman have sex knowing the man was married. It's always insecure, desperate, overweight, unfortunate looking women who do that. Sorry that's a bit brutal but it's my honest opinion (and no, it's never happened to me)

That's quite personal for someone who hasn't personally been affected?

That person appears to be describing her own (possibly limited) experience of actual affairs, though, rather than being personally affronted by generic figures? She goes on to say "Fair enough I've been proved wrong, I genuinely don't know the answer now", and sounds like she means it.

ChairmansReserve has also described how someone can be disgusted by acts that have nothing to do with them, but which they perceive as generally immoral. It's not a stance I can actually empathise with, but the concept of extreme moral outrage about other people's business is of course very familiar.

Tomyoneandonly · 21/04/2021 16:00

Women cheat with married men for power and validation ie I'm better then your wife kind of thing. They also cheat for a status update. Everyone has their own opinions on this subject. This is my opinion.
You can't blame men. As they are predisposed with testosterone which makes them want to bread (some men that is)
Women should stick together to avoid the chances for men to cheat.
Now if a woman knowingly has a relationship with a married man then she has broken the unsaid (which shouldn't be unsaid rule)
We should look after wife's and mother's and stick together as things like this destroy thousands of families on a yearly basis. Its so sad it should also be illegal. To anyone who has cheated or thinking about it please consider the consequences before hand. Please mums look after each others children. We are all mothers so we should give each other respect.

kickergoes · 21/04/2021 16:20

@ravenmum women often slate the other woman, never the other man interestingly, and unless you can demonstrate every poster on here with a negative opinion has been personally cheated on my opinion stands, given the public perception of the "mistress" often played out in the media and on TV it is safe to assume that many women, cheated or not, demonstrate opinions like that poster did and that, as well as other comments, is what I have based my comments on. Many of the posters haven't demonstrated their "moral outrage" in any kind of logical way except to personally condemn women with vitriolic assumptions often including their appearance. To me this proves it's not very rational, and I don't understand it.

Why do they judge women so much more harshly for this than they do men?

kickergoes · 21/04/2021 16:23

You can't blame men. As they are predisposed with testosterone which makes them want to bread (some men that is) Women should stick together to avoid the chances for men to cheat.

Fuck me I hope this is a satirical post or we may as well all crawl back into caves.

Happinessevaded · 21/04/2021 16:27

Women are the easier target and as men and this is a generalisation will do as they please as they’re less concerned with public opinion it’s easier to make the OW or potential they woman feel ostracised as a deterrent.

It’s a public shaming of sorts. Oh you harlot look what you have done.

This is my opinion but personally I couldn’t give a fuck as the OW isn’t the issue it was in my case my ex.

To the pp who said let’s not blame men and let’s stick together, this isn’t the 1950s, men are accountable.

Happinessevaded · 21/04/2021 16:27

@kickergoes hah you said it better than I did Grin

Whereismymojo · 21/04/2021 16:28

@Tomyoneandonly

Women cheat with married men for power and validation ie I'm better then your wife kind of thing. They also cheat for a status update. Everyone has their own opinions on this subject. This is my opinion. You can't blame men. As they are predisposed with testosterone which makes them want to bread (some men that is) Women should stick together to avoid the chances for men to cheat. Now if a woman knowingly has a relationship with a married man then she has broken the unsaid (which shouldn't be unsaid rule) We should look after wife's and mother's and stick together as things like this destroy thousands of families on a yearly basis. Its so sad it should also be illegal. To anyone who has cheated or thinking about it please consider the consequences before hand. Please mums look after each others children. We are all mothers so we should give each other respect.
Sweet Jesus.
Whereismymojo · 21/04/2021 16:30

I mean, yes, I believe in the sisterhood and accountability we should have for one another - but “can’t blame men” ? Confused just because a sweet is left on the counter do you have to pick it up and eat it?

ravenmum · 21/04/2021 16:31

unless you can demonstrate every poster on here with a negative opinion has been personally cheated on
That wasn't my argument. I was questioning your suggestion that women who criticise other women do so because they are personally affronted and insecure.

kickergoes · 21/04/2021 16:35

@ravenmum because many of the "criticisms" haven't been rational critical examinations, it's been hysterical damnations about how they look which to me screams being personally affronted and insecure, to vindicate an entire person's existence on one action. For the posters who have more eloquently examined the moral implications, of which there aren't many, then no I'm not meaning them.

Tomyoneandonly · 21/04/2021 16:42

It's not that hard to understand that women did have it better in the 60s. Or atheist they had a more stable family unit. I know my grandma did she always told me it's not easy bringing up children these days because cheaters keep things well hid. Back then men was to ashamed to cheat. So we can say they are both to blame which is right. Although that will not make a difference to a family that had already been destroyed. I would prefer to live in a cave then around the monsters in society.

kickergoes · 21/04/2021 16:47

@Tomyoneandonly tell that to my grandmother who was physically and financially abused for the entirety of her 50 year marriage but could not leave due to fear of how she would be treated and incapable of looking after her 4 kids. Or my other grandmother who was ostracised from her family for having a child out of wed lock. Yaayy to the swinging 60s!! Or maybe we should look at the fact marital rape was completely and utterly legal, wonderful! You have to be incredibly intellectually challenged to not understand the oppression women faced in previous decades.

You go back to your cave love, your opinions have no place in a progressing society.

ravenmum · 21/04/2021 16:47

I think that if you asked "Why do single men start affairs with married women?" that the personal comments about men would be at least as bad, considering how men are generally described on this board. Mumsnet is not known as a haven of rational, critical thinking. But that's not because it's populated by "hysterical" women; look at male-dominated spaces such as Reddit.

kickergoes · 21/04/2021 16:49

@ravenmum you post that topic and I will bet you a lot of money you wont get anywhere near the same amount of vitriol.

ravenmum · 21/04/2021 16:59

That's OK thanks, you can keep your wads and wads of cash 😂

Mittens030869 · 21/04/2021 17:04

I suspectthe reason for the vitriol on threads like this is because a large number have been negatively impacted by affairs, particularly men with OW. Some will have been cheated on, others have witnessed their mum’s devastation over their dad having an affair. Some will have lost contact with their dad after he left for another woman.

Basically, it’s a highly emotive subject and it isn’t surprising that there’s always a lot of anger and projection going on.

kickergoes · 21/04/2021 17:04

Grin I'm an escort on the side specialising in married men 😉

Tomyoneandonly · 21/04/2021 17:06

How many married men have you had sex with?oh my dg has passed and had 14 children and did actually live in a kinda cave. Us women are so nasty to each other it is scary. I was not being rude or offensive. Theres 70% of relationships and marriages end through adultery. That's so bad only women together can sort it out. By the way I've been cheated on once when I was 16. My dd was cheated on when she had her baby and that is how I know I've seen her go through alsorts at the age of 17 becoming a single mother and its not her doing. The ow knew she had just had a baby and she was seen on sm with baby dad kissing him and semi naked. How can things like this happen why do us women allow it how many have sons and condone it? It goes on and on.

Ithinkyoucan · 21/04/2021 17:07

Unless the OW just wants sex, a 'relationship' with a married man is a pretty shit deal for the OW.

My main ire is for the married man. At the end of the day they use their wives and they use the OW to satisfy themselves in different areas of their lives. They are men who use women.

kickergoes · 21/04/2021 17:08

Why are you asking how many married men I've had sex with?

ravenmum · 21/04/2021 17:09

Someone didn't get the joke!

Tomyoneandonly · 21/04/2021 17:23

Because I do think you get how damaging it is. How it's the children who always suffer as they are generally around the mother who no full of her own always questioning and doubtful. Not good we live among walfs that's OK though as im a lion
Us women need to stick together to avoid cheaters sex workers should be documented and taxed which it will be soon.