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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would this freak you out?

134 replies

Chickencuddle · 16/04/2021 08:34

So I have a history of sexual abuse and very small things can trigger me so It might just be me.
Last night I woke in the night to my husband climbing on top of me and lying on top of me. He kept bringing his face close to my face like nose to nose and then bringing it away then doing the same thing again and lying on me. I just Froze. I lay there for a bit Jyst kind of frozen then after a few minutes I opened my eyes to see if he was awake or had been sleepwalking. When I opened my eyes he was next to me just staring right at me. I pretended I had just woken up and asked him to pass me the water. I had a drink and we both went back to sleep. But it totay freaked me out and I feel like I just don't want to be around him atm. I know I probably sound dramatic

OP posts:
frutyloops · 16/04/2021 13:07

Just read your other thread. Wau op - i really hope you get out . He is horrible 🌺

Wanderlusto · 16/04/2021 13:53

I haven't read your prior thread but if he was a creepy, pervy rapey sort before, he will never not be. He has not changed it is an act.

Same thing goes if his "before" behaviour involved a lack of empathy for you.

Why would you ever trust someone who has form for creepy behaviour who is starting to lie on top of you when you are asleep though?

So you have no inbuilt sexual assault alert instincts whatsoever?

Not a fucking chance would he be sleeping in the same bed as me in future ever again. Well, or under the same roof for that matter

Maunderingdrunkenly · 16/04/2021 14:15

he'll be good until he thinks he's got you settled. This is absolutely will ramp up again. judging by your description above, he was seeing if you were deeply asleep - didn't he previously touch you sexually while you were asleep? he's literally lying in wait.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/04/2021 14:46

Oh my love I am so sorry to hear you're still with this man. I appreciate other posters reading this and not knowing the background may think this is just a guy maybe having a dream / being half asleep etc. He is not. He is an abuser.

Please, please, please know that you must leave him. So many of us think of you often and wish you were away from him and safe, because things have been that bad in the past.

He has sexually assaulted you for years, when you've been awake and also when you've been asleep. On top of emotional and verbal abuse. He sexually touched you repeatedly for months / years in front of the children despite you telling him no before, during and after.

This is no environment for your children to grow up in. It will do them untold damage in the long run.

Please call women's aid again, contact your GP asking for support services, you can't stay with this man and be healthy and happy. He is incompatible with you being healthy and happy.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/04/2021 14:50

I have read your previous posts. You have got to get yourself and your children away from this man. He is a sick predator. He's beyond horrific. Do whatever it takes to get out of there.

NameChangedForThisFeb21 · 16/04/2021 14:54

I was all ready to share some stories about my ex who was a genuine sleep walker and had episodes of unusual behaviour due to a sleep disorder but it seems that there is a worrying history with your man.

I couldn’t stay with someone who consciously did something like this to me.
It’s not just you. Hope you break free of him soon Flowers.

MazekeenSmith · 16/04/2021 15:02

Oh jeez
I've just read your other threads. You've gone back to an abuser. You need to leave again.

Dontcallmewifey · 16/04/2021 15:24

@Maunderingdrunkenly

he'll be good until he thinks he's got you settled. This is absolutely will ramp up again. judging by your description above, he was seeing if you were deeply asleep - didn't he previously touch you sexually while you were asleep? he's literally lying in wait.
Absolutely this. Seen your other threads now. Please don't believe his lies. He is already reverting to his true self. You must sense it too.

Please do not let your sexual attacker manipulate you into feeling guilty for leaving him. Feel proud for leaving your abuser, not guilty. Please get back in touch with Women's Aid. Please leave this sex offender.

Shutupyoutart · 16/04/2021 15:54

Oh chicken im sirry that you are still dealing with this. Ive read your previous threads and im sorry if it sounds harsh but this man will never ever change he's just reeling you back in and this laying on top off you when you sleep is him pushing your boundaries and testing the waters. X

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 16/04/2021 18:07

I don't know it really felt like he realised he was wrong and he felt bad about it and he hasn't done anything like that since.

OP posts:
Bumberlee · 16/04/2021 18:10

Drip feed galore. If you dont trust him yet why are you sleeping together? I think you need to stay single for a while and focus on therapy.

CraftyYankee · 16/04/2021 18:19

Oh Chicken, this isn't going to end well. Your poor kids. And poor you.

Orgasmagorical · 16/04/2021 18:20

I don't want to jump on him at any little thing as he felt guilty after I left and I felt bad.

He did not feel guilty. He wants you where he can see you so he can carry on controlling you and whatever else he has done. I haven't read your other thread but you sound to be in a very dangerous relationship.

He's not going to change, they just don't. He might appear to be trying for a while but he will revert to type and you will be even more abused and damaged.

Your children will more than likely end up in similar relationships if you don't get them out of there because that's all they'll know, they won't realise there are healthy relationships to be had.

You don't sound dramatic, you sound like you're reacting exactly as your partner wants you to. I would recommend calling Rape Crisis, they are very good Flowers

Orgasmagorical · 16/04/2021 18:21

@Chickencuddle

I don't know it really felt like he realised he was wrong and he felt bad about it and he hasn't done anything like that since.
They are very good actors. You need to stop believing him, the abusive one is the real him Flowers
Original poster
Chickencuddle · 16/04/2021 18:22

I didn't bring the past up because I wanted to know opinions without bias on this singular event
He is actually being great and has promised he won't do anything like that ever again and is being really great with kids too. I feel like to trust him again we have to get back to being normal and see how he is if I slept on the couch or whatever things would never be back to normal. I still think about things but am trying to go off the here and now.

OP posts:
Quaverscrisps · 16/04/2021 18:28

Do you have kids? I hope not. Are you going to post here forever about the shit he gets up to? One day people stop listening. I know. Leave

Orgasmagorical · 16/04/2021 18:30

He is actually being great and has promised he won't do anything like that ever again

How often has he said that? After the first time, the third? The last time? He'll say it after the next time too. And the time after that.

I'm sorry to be so blunt but HE IS NOT GOING TO CHANGE.

Quartz2208 · 16/04/2021 18:38

it isnt normal and its actually pretty awful as a singular event and having done it I expect he is planning to escalate again

Wearywithteens · 16/04/2021 18:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

93porless · 16/04/2021 18:44

This is really threatening behaviour, and I couldn't sleep next to him again if it were me. Doesn't matter if he was asleep himself or not - I couldn't do it.

user1636853246842157 · 16/04/2021 18:51

The past is relevant. It's the context. This is not an isolated incident, it is part of a pattern of sexual abuse.

Trying to pretend his history of abuse doesn't exist is an act of denial on your part. It is not sensible or normal to do what you're doing here.

Why won't you protect your children? It's one thing not to give a shit about yourself, but they deserve to be protected. You are not doing that right now.

ElspethFlashman · 16/04/2021 18:55

Well to the suprise of absolutely nobody, it didn't take very long for his mask to start to slip.

midnightstar66 · 16/04/2021 18:56

I didn't bring the past up because I wanted to know opinions without bias on this singular event

But the past is extremely relevant. If this was the first time anything remotely like this had ever happened in a trusting and loving relationship I'd assume he was asleep and didn't even know he'd done it, we'd probably talk and laugh about it and how freaky it was. This isn't the case which I didn't know until I read the thread and my mind has changed in an instant.

Original poster
Chickencuddle · 16/04/2021 19:00

I think he could have done it in his sleep though.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 16/04/2021 19:05

Just like all the other times he told you he was asleep when you realised he was assaulting you in your sleep?

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