Im really torn by this post, im not sure what is going on here. My DP is just starting a business, its fucking tough and we are making sacrafices all round. Some of those sacrifices are that i am at home alone alot of the time as he often has to work late and weekends, which he hates as much as i do, but what can you do. 247, you say that a woman shouldnt stand in her husbands way at work etc, well yes, this is true, but a husband shouldnt hold back his wife and stiffle her either.
I had to laugh at myself the other night, im soooo not the little woman (in fact i think my DP is really quite scared of me!) but the other night he didn't get home until nearly midnight. Despite my coping with DD all day, being shattered and climbing the walls with loneliness - i made him dinner for when he got home and ran a bath for him and took him up some tea to drink in it! Then i thought blimey, im turning into a stepford wife. But then i thought, yes, but this poor man has been out slogging his guts out since six this morning, despite a broken night with DD the night before and he was SHATTERED. There owuld have been a time when i would have been constantly phoning and been in a foul mood by the time he got home, but what would that achieve other than to stress us both out more. One day i am hoping that we too will be reaping the rewards of all our hard work, but in the mean time, if that means i have to be the little woman then thats ok. Its my way of helping. I also help by doing all the admin and nagging him into making schedules and get on his case to stick to them. I am also thinking of doing some courses so that i can offer the business more. At the end of the day the business is about US as a family. I think the thing is to remember taht we are individuals in our own right and not let this become a pattern.
I have to say, i think xenia does make a good point about if women want to spend money without having to consult the other partner then they must earn their own. However i do not agree that just because some women, as i do, rely on a man for money, we should have to do as we are told - my DP wouldnt DARE!!!! I may end up only working for the business, so technically for my partner, despite having professional qualifications in another field of expertise. IF it pans out that way, then that will be a good thing, because i keep up with the mantra "this time next year rodney, we'll be millionaires".
OP, over the years you have supported your DH and kept your lovely home and cared for your children you will have ammassed a whole set of skills that you take for granted. Is there anyway, do you think, that you could utilise those skills to establish a little empire of your own? Even if its is making organic jams and preserves to sell locally. It would be something totally for you.
If your DD hasnt asked for the handbag, dont bother!! And dont turn that issue into the major stumbling point with DH. There are issues of inequality in this marriage it would seem, but i think you need to addresss that directly thinking about what you want and how you want things to progress as apposed to unnecessary arguments about xmas presents.
The thing is, your DH, whilst he is behaving badly, probably thinks you are happy just to be the kept woman and would be baffled if he knew your real feelings. I think the best bit of advice i could give you is this: Print out this thread and show him.