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Original poster

What would your DH do?

149 replies

Whattodo21 · 13/04/2021 19:34

Just curious as to what would happen in other people's houses.
You arrange to go for a meal with friends. You decide not to drive, so that you can have a drink, if you wish.
You over indulge and end up home later than you otherwise would have.
What would your DH do the next day?

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 13/04/2021 19:55

He’s probably upset you didn’t let him know you’d be late- I would be. But there’s no need for him to sulk. Can’t you both just have a conversation?

Original poster
Whattodo21 · 13/04/2021 19:57

Yes it's often the case though I have been insisting on him doing more lately.
This isn't a new thing but I really thought that we had gotten over it, having spoken about it at length.

I don't want to have the conversation again as he will be really defensive, but I know I have to, otherwise it's just exactly what he wants isn't it.

I foolishly thought he would think about the conversations we've had and act supportive, even if he wasn't particularly feeling it.

OP posts:
Insomnia5 · 13/04/2021 19:58

Did he phone you at any point? This works both ways. You weren’t to know he’d get annoyed by this. If he was cross/concerned about how late it was getting then why didn’t he attempt to contact you to check what time you were coming home? Sounds like passive aggressive bollocks to me

Imnotbent · 13/04/2021 20:01

So he could be pissed off that you never let him know you would be late, not the fact you got drunk and stayed out later than planned? I can understand that if you were expected home at a certain time. Sulking isn’t good but if you had arranged a time and didn’t let him know he might have been worried. Is sulking his usual way of dealing with stuff?

Original poster
Whattodo21 · 13/04/2021 20:01

No he hadn't tried to contact me. That's why I thought he would be asleep. He knew where I was and who I was with.

I was home by midnight BTW, this wasn't a 4 in the morning, post clubbing situation.

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 13/04/2021 20:02

Probably wouldn't notice tbh.

PyjamaFan · 13/04/2021 20:03

It wouldn't be an issue at all.

And if I was hungover he would bring me cups of tea and look after me.

Original poster
Whattodo21 · 13/04/2021 20:03

We hadn't arranged a time. I had deliberately avoided that as he would hold me to it, regardless of what happened.

He offered to collect me at 8 (as he was dropping me off) I declined and said I didn't know how long I would be but not to worry as I would get a taxi.

OP posts:
Imnotbent · 13/04/2021 20:04

I would be pissed off if my DH phoned me and asked me what time I was coming home, unless I was expecting a lift and he wanted to go to bed. I don’t have a coming home time but if I said I will be back before 12 and wasn’t home at 2, that’s on me not DH.

AhNowTed · 13/04/2021 20:06

So it didn't affect him in any way, you were just later than you said.

In that situation my DP wouldn't notice and would ask if I'd had a good time.

GintyMcGinty · 13/04/2021 20:06

What would your DH do the next day?

Nothing really. Unless I had a hangover and then he would keep the kids out of the way and deliver me some paracetamol.

Bananalanacake · 13/04/2021 20:07

sounds a little controlling, what was he like before. What the replies are telling you is that normal men wouldn't be that bothered and would ask if you had a good time.

Imnotbent · 13/04/2021 20:07

Ah that’s different at @Whattodo21 you had told him not to worry and you would get a taxi, knowing he would be in bed. Sounds like he made a time up in his head, or worse didn’t want you going out. So he’s sulking over nothing and trying to make you feel bad so you don’t do it again?

Livpool · 13/04/2021 20:07

He sounds like an arse OP. I haven't text my DH when I have lost track of time when out with friends. There was nothing said and I wasn't left to look after DS.

It sounds like you are 12 and he is your (controlling) father

AgeLikeWine · 13/04/2021 20:08

Depends how late I was. If it was just an hour or two, nothing would happen. If I was several hours later home than expected, and I hadn’t texted him to tell him I was OK, he would have been worried for my safety and he would ask me to text him in future.

ScaryMimeker · 13/04/2021 20:10

Oh! I assumed you'd vommed or spent an hour jabbing your key into the wrong lock or something.

So he's controlling then.

OolieMacdoolie · 13/04/2021 20:14

Bring me tea and toast, ask if I had a nice time, let me nap if I wanted to. He’s not my keeper.

Are you ok? I presume your husband is an arse about things like this?

gamerchick · 13/04/2021 20:15

So basically he likes you in the house for his bedtime?

I'd have the conversation and tell him to knock off the guilt trip and he should be happy you got to let your hair down a bit.

bloodywhitecat · 13/04/2021 20:16

@Whattodo21

We hadn't arranged a time. I had deliberately avoided that as he would hold me to it, regardless of what happened. He offered to collect me at 8 (as he was dropping me off) I declined and said I didn't know how long I would be but not to worry as I would get a taxi.
My ex was like that I came to see it as a method of control, he would make life uncomfortable in the hope I wouldn't go out and for a long time it worked.
Original poster
Whattodo21 · 13/04/2021 20:16

I wish he could have just found it in him to ask how it was.
I also hate the silent treatment, he knows this.

It gives me anxiety and I am having to really fight the urge to "fix" everything, though I have done some extra jobs and things around the house today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whattodo21 · 13/04/2021 20:17

Yes it worked for a long time on me too. I am trying not to let it bother me but am wondering how long he plans on keeping this punishment up.

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 13/04/2021 20:18

Make me pancakes and a strong ass coffee.

At least that’s what he’s done in the past.

ivfbabymomma1 · 13/04/2021 20:19

Assuming he was asleep he wouldn't have noticed? If one of us goes out and the other one is in with our son then the sober party will allow the other a hangover day. These are split fairly evenly though so it's fair. we don't keep a tally or anything though Grin

Rubyrecka · 13/04/2021 20:22

God what an ordeal just cos u went for a normal night out! Always nice to wake up to passive aggression 😳

Mine wouldn't do anything at all.

warmandtoasty2day · 13/04/2021 20:23

why does he go to bed as early as 8pm ? he needs to grow up over the sulking though, just get on with what you need to do and ignore him. if you are tiptoeing around it's giving him the control he wants. he can fuck right off with punishments. don't even think of his being an arse as a punishment, he's not your dad and you aren't a naughty child.